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BF of 3 1/2 years left me.. I am gutted


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 18th January 2019, 1:30 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Thrillho View Post
Would it be a bad idea to email him and apologize for the way I acted? Or should I just leave it alone?
Maybe at some time later, but it's waaaaaay too fresh right now. You said he just said you were crazy to your friend, right? So his emotions are still running high too. I think the best thing, but also the hardest thing, is to let him be. I understand how you feel...I'm a fixer too. I hate the idea that someone could be angry with me or might not think well of me. ESPECIALLY if that someone is my ex. Because, let's be honest, we all want to leave things in a good place because down the line we want them back, or at least we want the possibility to be there. I know that is true for me. It's very hard to accept that I can't control what he thinks about me.

BUT...you shouldn't have to sell someone on yourself. So you shouldn't have to try to fix things with this guy. He is the one in the wrong. He was involved with this woman before breaking things off with you. That is incredibly shady and disrespectful. I agree with whoever said upthread that he knows he's in the wrong and that's why he is acting like this. He knows he's been a rat and so he's having to try to make himself look better by making you look bad. This is low behavior on his part. If he had class, he would just accept that he hurt you and keep his distance.

Try to keep focused on staying away. Let him be with his new "relationship". These types of things rarely work out and I suspect he will be back at some point, once the newness of this has worn off. You're better than this guy, at least how he is acting right now. If he wants to get himself together and be an upright guy, he can apologize to you. Until then, leave him be.
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Old 18th January 2019, 10:24 PM   #17
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Leave it alone.
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Old 28th January 2019, 11:29 AM   #18
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I can totally feel you.

My situation is just as same as yours. Me and my ex were in relationship for 3.5 years. He broke up with me because he isnt romantically in love anymore, "want to try sthing new" and yes that I love him more than he does and also said I'm only his best friend. I was suffering, crying literally everyday for 5 months straight, I couldnt get over him even until now. He said he realized what he's losing but guess what ... he is now already in relationship with someone else after 2 - 3 months breaking up with me, worse than that that he was flirting, sweet talks with another girl after a week since we broke up, believe me I went crazy. Then despite me - giving away chances and chances for him to think it thru, hope he would change his mind but he didnt take it and went for someone else anyway. I also dont know if he would be serious with that girl or just rebounding but here I quoted from a post that I've read "some people get really lonely after break-ups and choose to fill that void with someone else a lot quicker than you'd like."

Leave it alone whatever you feel like you did wrong to him, you have the right to be angry but it wasnt the new girl's fault so dont take it wrong way. It was just himself. Dont send him anything, really, just keep it with you or write it down somewhere as a diary. Until you are actually ok, until you get over this, then feel free to apologize to the girl but not the guy hahahaha

But look, you should know yourself that you deserve so much better than this. Soooo muchhh betterrrr!!!!
You should just focus on yourself from now on, make yourself the only priority and number 1 that you should care about. I know it's difficult, it is right now for me too. I lost myself while we were in relationship and thought that I was able take care for him and myself but I was wrong. And now it is time for me and yes for you too to become better person. I know it is super difficult, but trust me you can do it.
Things like this happened for a reason, try to keep it positive, think that this is a way for you to realize that yourself is much more important than just him, once you learn how to love yourself enough, fulfill yourself with whatever you love, either with him or with anyone else, in relationship or being single, you'll still be fine. He's not your only happiness, your happiness appear everywhere around you, in everything you did, do and will do.

I really hope this would help. I'm doing the same thing right now and I trust that us and whoever in the same situation, can do it!

Last edited by cindyle; 28th January 2019 at 11:40 AM..
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Old 28th January 2019, 11:57 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Thrillho View Post
Would it be a bad idea to email him and apologize for the way I acted? Or should I just leave it alone?
Just leave it alone. You really haven't done anything you need to apologize for. So you got angry and said some things, so what, just focus on you now and really try to move on from this guy. He is not worth your time at this juncture. (He may have been art one point, but not any more).
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Old 29th January 2019, 6:55 AM   #20
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You have nothing to apologise for. You did nothing wrong. He lied to you and he left you for someone else.

He has behaved badly. He is angry and saying stuff about you because he is trying to distract people from seeing him as the "baddie"

Classic defensive tactic.

People usually see through it.

You were hurt and angry and you are entitled to be so.
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Old 14th April 2019, 2:56 PM   #21
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Update still living in a twilight zone episode e

Just wanted to write an update. Still working at the same location and I have to see my ex and his new girl everyday. Yesterday while I was on break I saw them eating lunch together and it nearly killed me. I thought I was doing better. I have attempted to transfer and still nothing. Iím constantly looking for a way out. I feel like Iím trapped in a nightmare that wonít end. Itís been almost 6 months since the breakup and heís been with her the entire time. Iím completely heartbroken and canít seem to move on. I donít speak to either of them unless I have to for work. I try and be totally indifferent and act like Iím ok. I know Iíll never understand why he did this and how he can be so hurtful. I just want to disappear.
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