LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

Insight, was blindsided


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 8th December 2018, 10:51 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 1
Insight, was blindsided

I need insight. Simply "get over it" won't help because I'm already trying to. So it's a little complicated but I met someone and we have had a friendship over a year and a half now. He was mostly my type but I know no one can be perfect. Seemed nice enough and was understanding. However, he'd talk about us in a future tense then months later will say things that contradicted this.

Fast forward he brings up if we'd meet other people, he'd be crushed and more than jealous, I told him I wouldn't be thrilled but I did feel our age difference made me untreatable to him.
However, I wanted to have a conversation with him about the whole thing and reach a clear understanding. Before I could I was busy with class and my jobs. The last conversation we had was us not wanting to meet other people. Then I wasn't hearing from him as much. All of a sudden he up and tool a trip and sent texts that didn't even sound like him. So I was confused because right before he swore it would be highly unlikely he meet someone, was just bringing up the topic then he made plans for us to spend the holidays together, then became distant.

So he ends up telling me he met someone else, we could still hang out, he cared about me in a quick conversation before we had to head to our destinations. It hurt because he assured me not to worry about where we were, yet pills this. I feel as though he was trying to best me to the punch when all I wanted was to get more understanding between us not see other people. I need insight on what this says about his personality because would a really good guy switch up like that in a matter of weeks. To me I feel as if he had met whomever when he brought it up, they got busy and he was probably given the ultimatum. Yet Im crushed but wouldn't want to be with someone who knowingly would pull that after assuring me. I'm not even sure if he's been seeing this person longer than he says.
LivingLife1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2018, 12:39 PM   #2
PRW
Established Member
 
PRW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: In Illinois, within driving distance of the St Louis, MO area
Posts: 983
In the beginning he was in the position of what is called "The Beta Male Orbiter". Maybe after those conversations he began to realize this and didn't like it and sought to break free of it. Many guys know what that term is, they don't actually want to be one, but things can sneak up on a guy and he finds himself an Orbiter before he realizes it. Men in this situation may seem contradictory at times because they are trying to figure it out and gain their footing, and it takes a little time. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back for a while.

Quote:
I told him I wouldn't be thrilled but I did feel our age difference made me untreatable to him.
Let me translate that into "man-speak".

"You're not getting in my pants. You don't have a chance, so forget it. Go find someone else if you want to be romantic"

What would you do as a guy if you were told that?
__________________
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site by me are my opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice.
PRW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2018, 12:43 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 12,283
What is the age difference between you?
ExpatInItaly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2018, 1:32 PM   #4
Established Member
 
OpenBook's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Deep South
Posts: 5,759
Quote:
Originally Posted by LivingLife1 View Post
I need insight on what this says about his personality because would a really good guy switch up like that in a matter of weeks.
Who knows? Who cares? All that matters is this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by LivingLife1 View Post
Yet Im crushed but wouldn't want to be with someone who knowingly would pull that after assuring me. I'm not even sure if he's been seeing this person longer than he says.
This is your gut - the real YOU - trying to tell you something. Honor it always!

You are just wasting your time trying to gain assurances from this guy, trying to nail him down on "where he stands." Romantic head games during courtship should never be taken seriously. It's the essence of the fine art of flirting: it should remain light as air and delightful as a hot fudge sundae, a pleasant interlude... and mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Don't invest anything in him emotionally!
__________________
"I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue." -Albert Einstein
OpenBook is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2018, 4:02 PM   #5
PRW
Established Member
 
PRW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: In Illinois, within driving distance of the St Louis, MO area
Posts: 983
Quote:
Originally Posted by OpenBook View Post
Romantic head games during courtship should never be taken seriously. It's the essence of the fine art of flirting: it should remain light as air and delightful as a hot fudge sundae, a pleasant interlude... and mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Don't invest anything in him emotionally!
There is nothing romantic. This was a completely platonic situation. There was no relationship. If the guy wants to start dating someone he is well within his right to do that,...and I congratulate him for getting out of a Beta Orbiter situation and getting into a real dating situation (if that is what he has done). The guy did not do anything wrong. She told the guy the age difference was too much to have anything between them, and so he went elsewhere,...kudos to him.

It sounds like the OP got what she said she wanted, and just regrets it now that it happened, and regrets that he "beat her to the punch" [her words] and started seeing someone else before she started seeing someone else.

If that is not the situation then the OP needs to re-explain this whole thing more accurately and honestly. You can't be just friends and at the same time say that neither should be able to see other people.

Last edited by PRW; 8th December 2018 at 4:04 PM..
PRW is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Unsure of how to feel and react, Could ANYONE provide insight, opinons or insight!!!! novack Coping 4 15th November 2009 6:36 PM
totally blindsided by him blindsidedheartbreak Breaks and Breaking Up 8 22nd July 2008 12:35 AM
blindsided michael's_pain Separation and Divorce 69 3rd August 2007 11:39 AM
How do you let go when you were blindsided? (a bit long) searchingforanswers Coping 4 14th April 2007 12:25 AM
Blindsided GW7147 Breaks and Breaking Up 8 14th May 2006 1:33 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:30 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.