To chase or not to chase

[DSKostadinov]

Hi,

 

 

My ex fiancée and I broke up 5 months ago after a 5 year relationship. Soon after the breakup she tried something with a colleague of hers but it didn't work out, I think. I was chasing her for 3months but after that I just decided to try and move on. So I went on and slept with another girl (just friends with benefits) and started going out with another. Then my ex came back and said that she thinks we can try again... I agreed but we didn't actually reconcile (although we kissed) so I kept on going out with the other girl and my ex saw me holding hands with her in the city center. So, she went crazy and said that we won't reconcile.

 

After that we started going out 'as friends' but I really wanted her back and I told her but she said that she wants to move on and just be friends. But at the same time said that if I really cared for her I would text her everyday??? So, I started texting her everyday for a bit just to check how she is but every time we text she just answers with 1 word and never asks about me. Ten days ago we kissed but after that she started acting cold and every time I ask her out she is busy.

 

I really want to try again with her at the moment but at the same time I don't know if I can do it by persisting(not chasing). Should I keep texting her and going out with her if she is down or just go NC and move on with my life? We live very close to each other and she wants to be friends but I don't know... Every time we go out I want to kiss her Could I turn it from friends to lovers?

 

Thanks,

Damyan

[Zahara]

She’s using you for attention and an emotional crutch as she moves on with her life. You have displayed doormat behavior and she knows this and uses it to her advantage. The moment she finds a new prospect, she’s going to be done with you. Don’t wait till that happens.

 

Cut all contact and move on. No, you can’t be friends when you’re still seeking reconciliation.

[shesabeauty]

LOL, this is a classic loveshack thread in a nutshell: young person in one of their first relationships, hurting but optimistic. Getting advice from much, much older cynical person who has been hurt many times telling them to end it because it's hopeless.

 

Might as well copy and paste the response for every thread, it will save everyone a lot of time.

 

OP, as to your question, don't let any woman make demands of you. Do what you think is right, always. Have principles. She is being immature and overbearing and controlling. You have options and will soon find an even more beautiful woman with a good head on her shoulders. Or at least a better head on her shoulders.

[fromheart]

She's using you as a back up until she meets another man.

 

You staying in her zone when she clearly told you that she isn't interested, reinforces her lack of attraction for you.

 

Every time you do this, you trash not only any chance of reconciliation, but your own self respect and ability to meet more compatible women.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Look at the facts.

 

* She ended your engagement and dumped you (presumably)

* She immediately went after another guy

* When that didn't work out / you stopped pursuing her, she decided to give you some hope for reconciliation.

* When you kept seeing another woman she lost her sh*t (how else did you think she going to react?)

* She gets her revenge by putting you in the friend-zone, but still can't help wanting to punish you for not doing more to prove you were serious about reconciling.

* You kiss her again, she becomes cold and distant.

* She doesn't show any genuine interest in seeing how you are and is now “too busy” to spend time with you or reply more than one word answers.

 

These are not the actions of someone who is serious about reconciling. Whatever the reasons were for breaking up, they are still there. All that is left is the familiarity that you shared once as a couple, and the territorial instincts that women and men can have when they are used to having their ex's undivided attention and affection.

 

Breakups can be messy and it is often difficult for both sides to let go, even when they know it is the right thing to do. Her current behavior suggests that she is really trying to break away now and distance herself from you. As hard as that is, I think it is best for you to let her go.

 

It's your decision, but if nothing else, please take the feelings of the new woman you are seeing into consideration. She doesn't deserve to be caught up in a mess like this if you chose to keep chasing your ex. It isn't fair to use someone as a rebound or surrogate because she may well develop genuine feelings while you're still trying to get back with your ex.

 

Think it through carefully.

[loststarsx]

I used to think that my situation was unique and that our connection was cosmic, and that none of the LS advice would apply to me. Wrong. Stop chasing, OP. She knows you will be here emotional dumping ground while she plots to leave again. Do you want to keep playing this game forever? No. You deserve better. Yes, every relationship is different, but honestly, is this even worth it?

[Blonde2002]

Look at the facts.

 

* She ended your engagement and dumped you (presumably)

* She immediately went after another guy

* When that didn't work out / you stopped pursuing her, she decided to give you some hope for reconciliation.

* When you kept seeing another woman she lost her sh*t (how else did you think she going to react?)

* She gets her revenge by putting you in the friend-zone, but still can't help wanting to punish you for not doing more to prove you were serious about reconciling.

* You kiss her again, she becomes cold and distant.

* She doesn't show any genuine interest in seeing how you are and is now “too busy” to spend time with you or reply more than one word answers.

 

These are not the actions of someone who is serious about reconciling. Whatever the reasons were for breaking up, they are still there. All that is left is the familiarity that you shared once as a couple, and the territorial instincts that women and men can have when they are used to having their ex's undivided attention and affection.

 

Breakups can be messy and it is often difficult for both sides to let go, even when they know it is the right thing to do. Her current behavior suggests that she is really trying to break away now and distance herself from you. As hard as that is, I think it is best for you to let her go.

 

It's your decision, but if nothing else, please take the feelings of the new woman you are seeing into consideration. She doesn't deserve to be caught up in a mess like this if you chose to keep chasing your ex. It isn't fair to use someone as a rebound or surrogate because she may well develop genuine feelings while you're still trying to get back with your ex.

 

Think it through carefully.

 

Oh my god that is a very well thought out analysis. Seems you know how people think and act. Is that from experience or education

[DSKostadinov]

Look at the facts.

 

* She ended your engagement and dumped you (presumably)

* She immediately went after another guy

* When that didn't work out / you stopped pursuing her, she decided to give you some hope for reconciliation.

* When you kept seeing another woman she lost her sh*t (how else did you think she going to react?)

* She gets her revenge by putting you in the friend-zone, but still can't help wanting to punish you for not doing more to prove you were serious about reconciling.

* You kiss her again, she becomes cold and distant.

* She doesn't show any genuine interest in seeing how you are and is now “too busy” to spend time with you or reply more than one word answers.

 

These are not the actions of someone who is serious about reconciling. Whatever the reasons were for breaking up, they are still there. All that is left is the familiarity that you shared once as a couple, and the territorial instincts that women and men can have when they are used to having their ex's undivided attention and affection.

 

Breakups can be messy and it is often difficult for both sides to let go, even when they know it is the right thing to do. Her current behavior suggests that she is really trying to break away now and distance herself from you. As hard as that is, I think it is best for you to let her go.

 

It's your decision, but if nothing else, please take the feelings of the new woman you are seeing into consideration. She doesn't deserve to be caught up in a mess like this if you chose to keep chasing your ex. It isn't fair to use someone as a rebound or surrogate because she may well develop genuine feelings while you're still trying to get back with your ex.

 

Think it through carefully.

 

 

 

 

Well, I have to admit I have thought of all you said a lot and this is the reason I wanted to move on. But when she came to me asking to reconcile and then saw me with another girl I felt bad... She thinks that I am a womanizer now and that I user her to make out with her while going out with someone else. This is not exactly the case but... I feel like she wants me to prove myself to her haha:D

 

As for the other girl - I keep in touch with her and my intentions are serious although we live in different countries and she is 26 while I am 22. I think that she will lose interest quickly but we will see.