Think I should breakup and block

[KimB77]

I met a man online 1 1/2 years ago. I have 3 teens who are with me half of the time, so during that time I do not date. It still leaves me with a fair number of free evenings and weekends. Before we even met we started texting a fair amount. He was going on a cross country trip, would send me pictures and some flirtatious messages. After a month we met and dated pretty seriously until he went away again three months later to South America. HIs travel is for pleasure, he owns his own business and during low times, he likes to travel. Because I have a regular job and kids, I can't go anywhere for more than a week to 10 days tops.

 

While he is in South America we continue our texting and calling when possible. I start to lose interest a bit as this is a fairly new relationships despite the several months, most of which have been apart. He gets confrontational when he sees that I've checked in on an online site. I don't deny it...explain I don't really understand the expectations or level of commitment as he travels so much and doesn't even book a return flight so it's not like I know on X day I'll be seeing him again.

 

I do some snooping and see he still has profiles on other sites, screen shot them and send them to him. He is very dismissive of this.

 

For whatever reason, I decide to continue seeing him upon his return (attraction, chemistry...the stupid unexplained stuff). Things are mostly good although he frequently complains when I can't just go over to his apartment after work because my kids are home that week. Still, when we are together, things are good. This continues for a few months until he hits "busy season" at work.

 

During his busy season he becomes rude and short. At one point tells me he doesn't have time for a relationship but then regrets it and calls asking for forgiveness. I agree and my kids are away for part of the summer so I spend a fair number of nights with him and see him at his convinience with his business calls often pulling him away from our time together.

 

I back off. He gets irritated and says some fairly disparaging things intimating that I'm "mentally damaged" from my divorce etc. I was planning a 4 day vacation with my kids and didn't want to think about him despite the hurt and conflicted feelings (again...I would have told a friend to end it, but the stupid chemistry thing). I decide to block him on my phone, as this is the only way I could take a mental holiday and not be constantly checking to see if he texted me while I'm with my kids and it would also send the message regarding my opinion of his conduct. In sum, he flips out, sending me emails saying it was cruel and mean and he has "abandonment issues."

 

We break up for a chapter and then one day while I'm driving into work he texts me "don't you know how in love with you I am??" Stupidly I allow our relationship to resume. It was all lovely the rest of the summer and during this fall until my mother is diagnosed with end stage cancer. I have a very small family, she has no help, so I take family leave to help her. I only have time for my kids, and my mother...not even time for myself. He offers minimal consolation and decides to go on another open ended trip, this time to Europe where he has been for almost 4 weeks. He told me he plans to return tomorrow. I offer to come see him tomorrow night and he says "Wednesday would be better." I explain that I am with my mother during the days and tell him that she likely has less than a month. He literally said "Do I detect a Waaaaaah." I call him out on suggesting I'm a whiner when I'm busting my butt with no time of my own. I basically told him he was an a$$ and turned of the notifications on my phone.

 

Do I break up with him? Do I block him too? Do I tell him why? I think he is an egomaniac. During one of our conversations recently he was telling me what a "good catch" he was. I told him while that is true, that is a pretty selfish thing to say. Anyway...I don't know why I have such a hard time ending this one and keeping it done. Maybe it's because of my age and stage and its so hard to meet men? But I think it would be healthier to be alone. If you are still reading this long story, thank you. I needed to get it out.

[PRW]

The guy is messed up. He is self absorbed, and wants all of his freedom with you having none of your freedom. You are just an "object" to him that he wants to "play" with he is home.

 

You aren't even in a REAL relationship,...so what is there to "break up" from?

 

Just meet another guy and tell this one you aren't interested in seeing him anymore. It is no more complicated than that. He doesn't need an explanation. Blocking is just childish to me,...what did people do before cell phones? You only need to block someone if they keep harassing you with the phone. A couple of calls doesn't make it harassment. If you stop seeing someone they are almost always going to call a couple times until they realize it is time to move on,...that isn't harassment, it is just human behavor. But if they don't figure out and and won't quit,...then yea, go ahead and block them for a while.

[FMW]

"Do I detect a Waaaaaah."

 

That would be unforgivable in my book.

[hippychick3]

"Do I detect a Waaaaaah."

 

That would be unforgivable in my book.

 

Me too. That’s aside from all the other dumpable offenses.

 

Dump, block, and move on.

[KimB77]

"Do I detect a Waaaaaah."

 

That would be unforgivable in my book.

 

 

Thank you for confirming this. Even if sarcastic...not the time at all. And seriously, we are both middle aged adults, he has his own aging parents, he just doesn't care about them. Lot's of people have pointed out to me that divorced men in their 40's are more normal than the ones who've never been married (he has not). I believe this is true. He is a Peter Pan.

[BC1980]

I would end this. It doesn't seem like its going anywhere at all.

[KimB77]

Yes, I’m done.