Disappointing outcome **Updated**

[Felt Better]

Hi everyone, I've been lurking here for a while, today marks the 30th day of no contact and needless to say I feel much much better and I'm starting to be able to look at my relationship objectively.

 

Storytime

 

I knew my ex for about 8 years before we got together, shes 22, I'm 27, 4 and half years difference. We had a pretty solid friendship, she would call in to mine from time to time and say hello etc and it was just nice to have her as a friend, I was in a relationship for a while a few years back and so was she, it was all gravy.

 

A couple years later she breaks it off with her LTR and I'm single aswell, she comes over and clearly wants to take it up a notch, she's pretty fresh out of a break up and I'm still kinda harbouring feelings for my ex (which incidently completely crushed me because I was going to marry her but that's another story) i was totally up front with her and said I don't want anything serious, your fresh out of a break up, I'm a mess blah blah, so we started sleeping together, it was good, really good and we always enjoyed eachothers company, this went on for about 4 months and I started thinking hey I actually like this girl, maybe there could be something here. Next thing a dude asks her out, she says yes, drops me like a hot potato, I'm like whattt, but i asked for it, it was me who wanted no strings attached sex, and I couldn't be mad, I accepted it and moved on, she cut me out, stopped talking to me pretty much altogether, maybe a little excessive as I was very amicable?

 

3 months later, I'm sat on my bed watching a film happy as I'm over what's happened, I let her go so to speak, there's a knock on my door, it's her, she comes in sits on the end of my bed and says she made a mistake, the other guys a mess and she wants to go back to the way things are, now I didn't jump straight into bed with her, I said I would think about it, I let it simmer for about 3 or 4 weeks, I went away for a couple weeks and she still seemed keen. I also took into consideration the speed at which she replaces people and her age, everything however I thought you know, she's gone off and had a crap relationship, learnt her lesson that good friendships aren't low hanging fruit, I'm in.

 

So there it is, we are an item now, it's great, she's cute and we had the friendship so all was well for about a year and a half, now the cracks are starting to show, she's got incredibly low self esteem and incredibly low will power, not that it was a deal breaker but it's hard to help someone like that, thing is, she's really attractive, she has such a pretty face, but she has this weight thing about her legs, they are big, it NEVER bothered me, I liked her for her, flaws and all, nobody is perfect. Anyways.

 

Year later She gets this new job, obviously getting a lot of attention from the guys, she starts distancing herself from me, I notice it subconsiously but I know that being needy etc only makes things worse so I'm calm about it and just try to carry on as normal. Now she starts being excessively ratty, tired I put it down to, she works shifts, it's hard hours. Then she comes home one day and totally out of the blue just hits me with the "I don't know what I want." I was kind if taken back, things were okay, in hindsight I should have probably communicated a little more when she was being off, I can be a bit of a closed book at times. So I said, well we've been together a while now shouldn't you have done this thinking possibly a little earlier maybe and given me a heads up on how you feel? I said I'm not going to convince you to stay with me, that's not fair or right and it's downright insulting frankly. If you leave (we lived together) you leave and it's over. She came round and stayed but we didn't work on anything, I think because there didn't seem to be a reason, it was so wishy washy? I was confused as hell. But we carried on for another 2 months and then it came back, same convo, I said take your things go back to your mum's.

 

She left, 3 days later I'm on her laptop watching a DVD and I did something stupid, I just had this but feeling, something was off, it was just too sudden, I clicked on her messages tab (this is very uncharacteristic of me, I'm not a jealous person and I'm pretty confident in who I am and I'm happy with myself generally) I saw some messages to a work colleague that looked shady, he was trying to persue her obviously, but they met up? The day before she came to me the first time, coincidence, I think not, I confronted her, she denied it had anything to do with him and that she tried to tell me about him, no she said she saw a guy she used to go to school with. That was literally it. Nothing of the details. Naturally after this i felt hellishly betrayed, I would never do such a thing to her and certainly not keep it a secret. There were screenshots of other guys from this new job trying to ask her out for coffee yadda yadda. That was it for me.

 

I Went and saw her once, a week after NC to try and get some closure (stupid I know) she said she loves me and doesn't know why she feels like this, needs to find herself, all a load of bull****. I left I was nice made her laugh said if it was me this wouldn't be happening and left. I Went NC, 2 weeks later she messages me asking about her coat, she still has some things at mine even though she hadn't been to see if they Were there or not. I responded neutral. A week after that my phone goes off, it's her new best bud from work claiming I dialled her by accident, utter bs, she quickly tried to turn the convo into how I'm doing etc, ceased contact. Some detail about new best bud, she's a bitch, she's young, immature, has a bf who earns great has his own flat and seems to.give her a good life. However, she cheats on him, a lot, with people from work, seemingly if they earn more money the more likely she is to cheat, it's pathetic I said it when I was with my ex but my ex thought she was great and though it was funny, my opinion of her at that moment was changing as she was showing signs of that kind of behaviour being acceptable to her, no moral compass?

 

I'm 30 days NC, my ex has come and go her things in about 5 trips when I'm not there, she's split the load for some reason, she could have taken it all in 1 trip but no drag it out. I'm just venting I guess, I do want her back in some ways, I'm not angry with her, I'm dissappinted, I have this gut feeling she will return, to throw everything away for more than likely some douchebag at work.. I'm just at a loss really as to how it's panned out. Could do with some advice. I've been dating working on myself on the things NC guide says and I do feel a lot better, I'm about to meet a new girl who I've been talking to but I'm just not sure I'm ready yet sadly.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're doing the right thing cutting contact.

 

This girl saw you as her fall-back option. You're the guy she went to when the other ones weren't paying any attention to her or turned out to be duds. I'm not saying she didn't develop some genuine affection for you, but I don't think she was coming to you for the right reasons, unfortunately.

 

You've only been out of communication for 30 days, so take your time easing back into the dating world. It doesn't appear you're at all ready for it yet, which is fine. Give yourself time to recover. When you're ready for it, look for a woman who is genuinely interested in you, not one who is seeking you out because her other options dried up.

[PegNosePete]

Before you can do NC properly you need to close all avenues of necessary contact. Has she now collected all her stuff? If so, and assuming she has her own key which is how she could collect it while you're out, then change the locks. If she's still got more to collect then you need to get this sorted out ASAP which may mean contacting her and telling her when you want her stuff gone by (I'd suggest 1 week max).

[Felt Better]

You're doing the right thing cutting contact.

 

This girl saw you as her fall-back option. You're the guy she went to when the other ones weren't paying any attention to her or turned out to be duds. I'm not saying she didn't develop some genuine affection for you, but I don't think she was coming to you for the right reasons, unfortunately.

 

 

You've only been out of communication for 30 days, so take your time easing back into the dating world. It doesn't appear you're at all ready for it yet, which is fine. Give yourself time to recover. When you're ready for it, look for a woman who is genuinely interested in you, not one who is seeking you out because her other options dried up.

 

Thank you, it's sad, it's an extremely unsatisfying realisation. You're right, I won't lie I protected myself during our relationship by only giving out emotionally as much as she would give, in doing so you might think how selfish, but I'm not stupid and I know what young girls are like and also given the history I knew that I could get hurt by her if I dived in head first with no thought. I am feeling better just not in a place to really invest in someone else.

[Felt Better]

Before you can do NC properly you need to close all avenues of necessary contact. Has she now collected all her stuff? If so, and assuming she has her own key which is how she could collect it while you're out, then change the locks. If she's still got more to collect then you need to get this sorted out ASAP which may mean contacting her and telling her when you want her stuff gone by (I'd suggest 1 week max).

 

I don't want to break no contact, I also don't want to come across as angry, I could drop her things off at her mum's place. I wish she would have just taken all of her stuff in 1 trip, there was no need to draw it out like she has done over the course of the last 6 week's.

 

I received a text off her mum a few weeks ago, we were close, she said that she's being a nasty and angry and she had a fight with her sister and basically just being a selfish brat. This is pretty normal in my experience even if the dumpee did nothing wrong. She is really ashamed of her for treating me the way she has, I know the world has a funny way of working and I'm sure eventually I will come out on top, at least I hope so, without victimising myself I really didn't deserve this. I was a good boyfriend, I tried to be anyways. I can't help but think, what a waste of 2 years of my life.

[Chassit]

My ex dragged out moving her stuff out over most of a month. I am really sorry you have to go through that on top of everything else. I understand the desire to have her crap gone and the pain it causes having a reminder everywhere you look.

 

 

Best of luck, and I am sorry for your loss.

[PegNosePete]

I don't want to break no contact, I also don't want to come across as angry

Do you see the problem in your logic? You don't want to break no contact, but you're mentally breaking it all the time because at the back of your mind you know that you have to have contact at some point, in order to give her stuff back. It's a weight constantly dragging at you subconsciously. Also a weight knowing that she has a key and could enter at any moment.

 

Yes, drop the rest of her stuff at her mum's and change the locks. Once you have severed these links, you can begin NC properly.

 

Stop worrying about how you come across. The plan is to never speak to her again right, so who cares how she thinks you're coming across?

[Felt Better]

Do you see the problem in your logic? You don't want to break no contact, but you're mentally breaking it all the time because at the back of your mind you know that you have to have contact at some point, in order to give her stuff back. It's a weight constantly dragging at you subconsciously. Also a weight knowing that she has a key and could enter at any moment.

 

Yes, drop the rest of her stuff at her mum's and change the locks. Once you have severed these links, you can begin NC properly.

 

Stop worrying about how you come across. The plan is to never speak to her again right, so who cares how she thinks you're coming across?

 

 

I haven't spoken to her. I've removed from social media entirely, I don't want to see her nor speak to her. Anyone that chops you out of their life like that for no reason doesn't deserve a minute if my time. She comes an gets her stuff when she's off work I guess, i usually come home and more of it is gone, I don't speak before she comes, we keep a key hidden that's how she gets in, I expect once everything is gone she will have no reason to turn up?

 

She said a lot of weird things when we did speak, one that stuck out was "i dont want to be making a massive mistake." I just left it at that.

 

This whole ordeal is so childish.. my last ex just went defcon 1 on me, much easier to get to grips with

[PegNosePete]

Anyone that chops you out of their life like that for no reason doesn't deserve a minute if my time.

Yet you're giving her a lot of your head-time, thinking about this stuff, when she will collect it stuff, etc. Time to get rid of that hanging over your head. She is invading your privacy, coming into your home without informing you or giving notice. You need to remove the hidden key and change the locks! This is not a person you trust any longer! Who knows what she's done with that key or how many copies she's made?

 

But even if she is trustworthy, what if she simply tells her new boyfriend that she's going to pick up some of her stuff, he asks how will you get in? She tells him there's a hidden key under the porcelain frog or whatever. Now even if the new boyfriend is trustworthy and not a criminal, he might tell his mate or relative who is. Next thing you know your house is cleaned out and your insurance company won't pay because a key was used to gain entry.

 

There's really no reason to take these risks. It costs a tenner to change the locks and is worth it just for the peace of mind.

[Felt Better]

Yet you're giving her a lot of your head-time, thinking about this stuff, when she will collect it stuff, etc. Time to get rid of that hanging over your head. She is invading your privacy, coming into your home without informing you or giving notice. You need to remove the hidden key and change the locks! This is not a person you trust any longer! Who knows what she's done with that key or how many copies she's made?

 

But even if she is trustworthy, what if she simply tells her new boyfriend that she's going to pick up some of her stuff, he asks how will you get in? She tells him there's a hidden key under the porcelain frog or whatever. Now even if the new boyfriend is trustworthy and not a criminal, he might tell his mate or relative who is. Next thing you know your house is cleaned out and your insurance company won't pay because a key was used to gain entry.

 

There's really no reason to take these risks. It costs a tenner to change the locks and is worth it just for the peace of mind.

 

Okay okay, I'll do it, shall I just box it up and drop it round hers, I really don't want to bump into her and or bump into her with a potential new fling. It'll just set me back and I've worked so bloody hard to get where I am right now, I want to protect this progress. The reason I haven't done anything is because although yes, she can just walk in, it hasn't affected me because she knows when I work and comes in those times.

 

Its so lame, she first left a picture of us on the drawer, I didn't respond, then she left all the cupboards open to make me aware she had been in, a couple other pathetic things and now she has split this last load into 2. I know what she's trying to do and it's schemey, and she's obviously not 100 percent sure about the potential other guy.

 

God I hope he's a complete nob treats her like an object and she comes crying back and I have the strength to tell her to do one, then she might feel how I felt at the beginning. Hopeless. I literally fantasize about that moment.

[PegNosePete]

Dropping it round her mums seems the best plan to me.

 

Don't go in for a coffee or a chat. Just drop it off and say sorry have to dash, bye.

[Felt Better]

Dropping it round her mums seems the best plan to me.

 

Don't go in for a coffee or a chat. Just drop it off and say sorry have to dash, bye.

 

No no absolutely f-ing not, I mean I like her mum but no, you don't get any part of me. I'll probably opt for leaving it in their porch (It has a door, it won't be on the street)

[Felt Better]

Hey me again, not sure this is the right spot for this post?

 

i have posted my story on here already if you want to read up.

 

So she reached out, with a sort of bury the hatchet TEXT (cheers) virtually 2 years together and couldnt say it to my face when I've been totally amicable with no hostility during and after the break up.

 

Initially the break was because of "not sure what she wants" and "the spark has gone", "you deserve better than me." grass is greener type bull.

 

I deleted the text she sent, short version; sorry for this that and the other and not checking whether I'm okay, shes been very selfish and burying her head in the sand and sorry for not getting her things and she promises to get some other things she has here? even though i havent hassled her at all about anything regarding her stuff. I wanted it gone and took the advice I was given here but didnt start bombarding etc. She added that she's made the right decision with my happiness in mind (thanks for making a unilateral decision on my happiness btw, very noble of you.) And finally dropping the last reason for the break up, she's "realised that a commitment scares the **** out of her." What commitment..? We lived in my house which I never held over her, I wasn't talking marriage and I certainly wasn't talking kids? Odd. She said she wants to be on her own < most likely not true, if you read my story.

 

A lot of people say don't reply, strict NC, I actually felt fine, as things are looking up for me atm and im feeling good about myself, when I received the text message, so I replied with

 

 

Hey, no worries (name), its the past now and definitely for the best. Things are very well for me thanks, I hope the same to you and regarding work etc. Ill see you around, take care x

 

She didn't reply.

 

Was that stupid of me to reply, now I'm really regretting that, and to sort of reinforce her belief. Dumbass. What's weird is, I don't feel upset about anymore, i dont hate her or have any anger towards her, it feels beneath me but i felt a few weeks ago very betrayed and just generally let down, i feel like I'm in some weird psychological game now. What a royal mess.

[Mardelis]

Was it stupid of you to reply?

 

 

Since you're asking the question it's clear that you don't know why people told you it's stupid to reply, allow me to clarify.

 

Whether a dumpee replies or does not reply to a dumper will not change the course of history to any noticeable extent, the earth will continue to turn on it's axis and life will go on pretty much as it always has.

 

So what's the reason dumpees are told not to respond?

 

1- In some, very rare cases a dumper may second guess their decision to end the relationshp when the dumpee goes silent- there's an air of mystery surrounding the disappearance, perhaps a loss of "control" on the part of the dumper, and perhaps mild to strong regret at what may have been a bad decision. If that's the case, and then the dumpee response to the dumpers one or more attempts to reach out, it's almost like the bubble bursts and the dumper is no longer interested. So it becomes a sort of puppet on a string-puppetmaster game and the dumpee always loses if they respond.

 

2- The MAIN reason becomes one of self respect for the dumpee, the lack of which can stifle healing. In your case there was nothing about your response that's going to cause you any degree of pain or loss of self respect, you pretty much shrugged off the contact with an "I don't give a rat's a$$ attitude" and that's fine. But- it's stirred up a bit of uncertainty and some nagging feelings, hasn't it? To avoid that from persisting, you must now proceed to block her number and any and all means by which she may contact you.

[Felt Better]

Was it stupid of you to reply?

 

 

Since you're asking the question it's clear that you don't know why people told you it's stupid to reply, allow me to clarify.

 

Whether a dumpee replies or does not reply to a dumper will not change the course of history to any noticeable extent, the earth will continue to turn on it's axis and life will go on pretty much as it always has.

 

So what's the reason dumpees are told not to respond?

 

1- In some, very rare cases a dumper may second guess their decision to end the relationshp when the dumpee goes silent- there's an air of mystery surrounding the disappearance, perhaps a loss of "control" on the part of the dumper, and perhaps mild to strong regret at what may have been a bad decision. If that's the case, and then the dumpee response to the dumpers one or more attempts to reach out, it's almost like the bubble bursts and the dumper is no longer interested. So it becomes a sort of puppet on a string-puppetmaster game and the dumpee always loses if they respond.

 

2- The MAIN reason becomes one of self respect for the dumpee, the lack of which can stifle healing. In your case there was nothing about your response that's going to cause you any degree of pain or loss of self respect, you pretty much shrugged off the contact with an "I don't give a rat's a$$ attitude" and that's fine. But- it's stirred up a bit of uncertainty and some nagging feelings, hasn't it? To avoid that from persisting, you must now proceed to block her number and any and all means by which she may contact you.

 

Exactly that, it has stirred something up in me although I know it's for the best for definite. It's just a sad ending of a friendship and relationship. Live and learn, thanks for the clear and concise response:)

[Felt Better]

I've posted a couple of times already and appreciate the advice I have received, long story short.. she dumped me yadda yadda, yes it sucks but I'm getting better everyday, keeping myself busy as you do in a miserable time like this.

 

She texted me a week or so ago with a bury the hatchet text, anyways she texted me again today - I boxed up her remaining stuff that she was dividing into 45 trips somehow and dropped it round hers, advice I received from here (thank you btw.)

 

Okay this is ridiculous now, when we were together we purchased a wardrobe and some drawers, they're not expensive, both put in 150£ together or something, so when we broke up I said I'd give her the money towards the wardrobe and stuff as it's at mine she doesn't have the room, however she declined saying "I don't want your money." In a nice way not shirty I figured meh I was just being polite by offering when it's not much. So naturally I didn't press it. Now today I receive a text about some random item that we used once and it's sat in the corner going dusty (it didn't even cross my mind to take it back) and "have you thought about what you want to do about the bedroom furniture?" Needless to say I haven't replied and I really don't intend to. How immature. What Shall I do? just transfer the money without saying anything to her? ignore it completely, I've made the mistake of deleting the convo and I don't have her number:) so theres that. 2 grey ticks for you. I don't want her to think I'm bothered nor do I want her to have a reason to talk smack about me because I kept the cupboard or some lame story like that. It feels like she's trying to get a reaction out of me so she can justify being such a brat during this.

[Robert]

There were 3 threads running on the same subject so I merged them into one thread for continuity, thanks

[Felt Better]

There were 3 threads running on the same subject so I merged them into one thread for continuity, thanks

 

Thank you any advice welcomed.

[ThreeRainbows]

Year later She gets this new job, obviously getting a lot of attention from the guys, she starts distancing herself from me, I notice it subconsiously but I know that being needy etc only makes things worse so I'm calm about it and just try to carry on as normal.

 

 

 

Let me start with saying you've handled most things really well. I can offer advice if you want it... The bolded portion is really a myth. Insecurity is only unattractive if you react badly out of it. It's ok to talk about this stuff maturely, and that's exactly what would have helped you here. It lets her know in a soft way that you're not a doormat.

 

 

 

Now she starts being excessively ratty, tired I put it down to, she works shifts, it's hard hours. Then she comes home one day and totally out of the blue just hits me with the "I don't know what I want." I was kind if taken back, things were okay, in hindsight I should have probably communicated a little more when she was being off, I can be a bit of a closed book at times.

 

 

She's missing the emotional connection your relationship should have had. That is why she started looking around elsewhere to get her needs met. She can't see "you" - because you keep your emotions/insecurities to yourself. What you can do to improve your relational skills is to learn to express your emotions (in a respectful way, of course). These skills are called authenticity (being real/not hiding yourself), and vulnerability (letting your insecurities show). Using these skills will deepen the emotional connection she is missing.

 

 

You seem like a decent guy to me. She was lucky to have had you.

[ThreeRainbows]

I've posted a couple of times already and appreciate the advice I have received, long story short.. she dumped me yadda yadda, yes it sucks but I'm getting better everyday, keeping myself busy as you do in a miserable time like this.

 

She texted me a week or so ago with a bury the hatchet text, anyways she texted me again today - I boxed up her remaining stuff that she was dividing into 45 trips somehow and dropped it round hers, advice I received from here (thank you btw.)

 

Okay this is ridiculous now, when we were together we purchased a wardrobe and some drawers, they're not expensive, both put in 150£ together or something, so when we broke up I said I'd give her the money towards the wardrobe and stuff as it's at mine she doesn't have the room, however she declined saying "I don't want your money." In a nice way not shirty I figured meh I was just being polite by offering when it's not much. So naturally I didn't press it. Now today I receive a text about some random item that we used once and it's sat in the corner going dusty (it didn't even cross my mind to take it back) and "have you thought about what you want to do about the bedroom furniture?" Needless to say I haven't replied and I really don't intend to. How immature. What Shall I do? just transfer the money without saying anything to her? ignore it completely, I've made the mistake of deleting the convo and I don't have her number:) so theres that. 2 grey ticks for you. I don't want her to think I'm bothered nor do I want her to have a reason to talk smack about me because I kept the cupboard or some lame story like that. It feels like she's trying to get a reaction out of me so she can justify being such a brat during this.

 

 

I don't think you should feel bad about your previous polite text at ALL. That was just about perfect.

 

 

Send her a little money (envelope in her mailbox?) for the furniture. Keep it civil. You will feel good about yourself if you stay true to your fair and honest nature.

[Felt Better]

Let me start with saying you've handled most things really well. I can offer advice if you want it... The bolded portion is really a myth. Insecurity is only unattractive if you react badly out of it. It's ok to talk about this stuff maturely, and that's exactly what would have helped you here. It lets her know in a soft way that you're not a doormat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

She's missing the emotional connection your relationship should have had. That is why she started looking around elsewhere to get her needs met. She can't see "you" - because you keep your emotions/insecurities to yourself. What you can do to improve your relational skills is to learn to express your emotions (in a respectful way, of course). These skills are called authenticity (being real/not hiding yourself), and vulnerability (letting your insecurities show). Using these skills will deepen the emotional connection she is missing.

 

 

You seem like a decent guy to me. She was lucky to have had you.

 

Hey, thanks for the kind words, I know, the communication thing, it is something I'm working on, I've never been the same after I was hurt by my ex fiancee really badly and I handled it so poorly, it makes me cringe but I learnt a hell of a lot so, every cloud but yes I should have opened up a bit, in fairness I didn't think it would be other guys honestly, I've never been betrayed like that but now I know for the future if you think something is off, it probably is so talk about it.

 

I'll take your advice regarding money, I'm a bit shocked that she's had the sudden change of heart, she's not skint or anything so yeah, weird.

 

Another update, she messaged me again today asking about more items that she "thinks" are at mine, they are not but anyways its beside the point. Now she's moved onto my mother also, backstory - my mother and her knew each other through a job years ago and kept a kind of friendship all the years, it's how I came to know her really.

 

I was working today (Sunday I know ) and my mum comes and tells me, "she's just texted me asking how I am." I said do not talk about me. Now my ex is asking my mum for a meet up for a "catch up!!!" - has she totally lost her mind? That's a bit weird, considering we were together for 2 years and not 1 catch up ever took place but we would regularly call in to see them on driving through.. What on earth is going on?

[Marc878]

Scour your place, take anything to her mums, pay her what you owe her and block her.

 

You're getting breadcrumbs.

 

Do you really want to hi through this a third time?

 

You can't block you'll just keep yourself in this.

[PegNosePete]

Divert her texts to TRASH.

 

If she wants money for the stuff, she can sue you.

 

She is making excuses to contact you because she treated you so badly but she doesn't want you to hold a grudge. So she figures if you can respond amicably then you don't hate her, and so she can go about her life happy in the knowledge that she did nothing wrong.

 

IGNORE all her texts! DELETED UNREAD!

 

Tell your mum that she's free to do what she wants but you don't want to hear about your EX ever again. What she's texting what she's saying, what weird invitations she's making... you don't want to know.

[Felt Better]

Divert her texts to TRASH.

 

If she wants money for the stuff, she can sue you.

 

She is making excuses to contact you because she treated you so badly but she doesn't want you to hold a grudge. So she figures if you can respond amicably then you don't hate her, and so she can go about her life happy in the knowledge that she did nothing wrong.

 

IGNORE all her texts! DELETED UNREAD!

 

Tell your mum that she's free to do what she wants but you don't want to hear about your EX ever again. What she's texting what she's saying, what weird invitations she's making... you don't want to know.

 

 

Thank you, I will follow this advice and continue as I have been doing I have told my mother she can meet her if she wants just don't talk about me and I don't want to know about her.

[Felt Better]

Feeling a little down today, I bumped into her yesterday as she was walking up the road and I was driving past, I smiled and she tried to keep a straight blank face but she couldn't help but smirk, then I drive past her again today her car was blocking the road as she was opening a gate so I had to stop and she made eye contact gave a half smile and half assed wave. Ugh I feel like reaching out so badly but I know it'll just hurt me and set me back more. I need some encouragement if someone could give me some guidance on what I have to do. I know I'm being nostalgic and putting her on a pedestal when I know I deserve better than her. It still hurts, I want nothing more than her to turn up at my door with our dog:(

 

I didn't feel bad seeing her but it does bring back the good old days, I haven't responded to her messages that she sent me. I don't know what's going on, I fear the worst and I know it'll hurt to find out. Damn it I want her back and I just can't deny it to myself anymore. I liked being in that relationship although there were times when I was unhappy about things. It's hard to curb the memories of all the laughter that we shared.

 

If anyone could give me some insight as to how to just let go of the hope, I'm doing everything I can at the moment but I end up full circle and thinking about her again.