My first heartbreak at 36. Horrible sadness

[leomar]

HI everyone. First I want to give you some context. I am 36, always have had very difficult time with interpersonal relationships, to the point that I have no friends and have never had a girlfriend. I have no one to talk to, except my mother. I think I may suffer from some kind of social phobia, but I am not sure. This is not really a long story, but I like to be very detailed to explain myself better. I apologize in advance for the long post. And hope some of you have the patience to read it.

 

Last year, a girl from work hinted that she might be interested in me (let's call her Mary). I waited for the work relationship to be over to ask her out, and later told her that I was attracted to her, found out that she really wasn't interested and that she had a boyfriend. I felt terrible, so I apologized for having continued contacting her (always through whatsapp or email). In january of this year, one of her best friends (let's call her Ellen) contacted me out of the blue, commenting on my whatsapp profile photo. I found this very odd, especially because she thought I could not see her photo, but I could see it, so I immediately recognized her. She was very surprised when I answered calling her by name. From that day on she started messaging me every day. She was usually the one who started the conversation. I got to know her a lot better through these conversations, and the attraction I felt for her increased. I didn't want to make the same mistake I made with Mary, so after two months of daily conversations I asked her if she had a boyfriend, she said no, so I asked her out, surprisingly she said yes, we went out and I had one of the best afternoons of my life. We kept talking everyday and going out ocasionally but I couldn't get the courage to tell her how I felt. I noticed how she began to grow more distant and cold in our conversations, sometimes leaving my messages unanswered even if she was online or waiting even a whole day to reply. I panicked, became jealous and decided I had to tell her how I felt. The next time we went out, I told her, she didn't flat out reject me, but said that she felt very uncomfortable. When I dropped her off at her house that night, I tried to kiss her, but she moved her head so I couldn't. I acted as if nothing had happend and told her that I really enjoyed her company. I had to see her again later that week because she had to return to me an umbrella she borrowed from me. I was very stubborn and even after her rejection, I dared ask her out again, she hesitated for a second but said yes, and when I dropped her off, she gave me a long hug and a quick kiss on my lips, which surprised me.

 

 

On the next dates, we acted as if we were a couple, holding hands, kissing in public, kissing while waiting for the traffic lights to change, in the restaurants, in the line for the movies. I felt great when I was with her, I felt normal for the first time in my life, although she kept being very cold with me online and very rarelly did she answer my calls, she always had some excuse. Frankly, this made me very jealous, but I only told her: “you are really difficult to reach”.

 

 

In late june, whe had agreed to meet on a Saturday (she had cancelled a date with me 2 days earlier), but that morning she messaged me asking: “Did you like Mary?” I was shocked but decided to tell her the truth, but I suspected she already knew it, since they are very good friends. She responded: “Ok. So I am your second choice”. I tried reasoning with her, asked her to meet me so we could talk and sort things out, but she only said: “I already understand a lot, I am not special.” After that, absolute silence from her. I kept messaging her asking her to meet me. Since she didn't answer, my jealousy stroke again and I messaged her telling her that maybe she was never really interested in me and that maybe she was only using the Mary situation to get rid of me, to be with whom she really liked. I asked her if all her hugs, kisses, her telling me “I miss you”, “i love you” were all fake. She only responded 3 days later telling me that if I trusted her I should not be jealous, and that she didn't want anything with me but offered me her friendship. I didn't antagonize her, told her I accepted her decision, but pointed out the contradiction: she was supposedly pissed off because I used to like her friend, with whom nothing ever happened and at the same time she accused me of being jealous. I kept messaging her, apologized for having said that maybe her interest in me was fake, but justified it with her silence and her reluctance to meet me. She completetly ignored me and kept posting statuses looking vey happy with her friend Mary. She only replied after 3 weeks, with a 7 minute audio message saying that she had a great time with me, that she loved making me smile (I am very serious, sometimes people say they are afraid of me), that I was an excellent person, but said that she didn't like the fact that I used to like Mary (“I feel like I am only one of your many options”, she said), and once again said that I am a very jealous man, that I didn't trust her and that I had to work on that (frankly, I think this is an obvious contradiction). She said that I could talk to her whenever I wanted, she wouldn't ignore me, offered me her friendship. I responded with an even longer audio accepting that I felt jealous several times, but explained my reasons (her not answering my calls, never calling me, her attitude with me online, her having cancelled several dates at the last minute). I told her that I felt very sorry that she never gave me the slightest chance to work things out but that I respected her choice. She never replied, only tried to reach me with two insignificant messages that I ignored, one where she asked me jokingly about a funny meme I posted on whatsapp and the other after I had to visit the place where she works, it just said: “we saw you” she was obviously referring to herself and her friend Mary. I saw this, as some kind of mockery.

 

A month ago I found out she has a boyfriend. This devastated and enraged me like you can not imagine. The next day I had to make an appointment with a psychologist. I think that she gave me those two contradictory reasons to dump me because she was already seeing that guy. I couldn't resist it and sent her an audio message telling her everything I thought and saying that I am very dissapointed in her as a person because of what she did. She replied saying that she met that guy after she left me and that she always respected me. I didn't buy it and told her that I now understood why she didn't give me any chance, why she ignored me, why she wouldn't talk to me personally. I now think that she never really was interested in me at all, that it was all fake. I told her so, called her disrespectful and dishonest and asked her to block my number and I blocked hers, told her I don't want to talk to her ever again. I did this so that she would know that I am not an idiot, but it probably made me look weak. She didn't block me and 3 days later she put as her profile photo a picture I took of her the day we kissed for the first time, probably to mess with my head.

 

I have two theories about what happened:

 

1. She felt sorry for me the first time I tried to kiss her, considered me a good guy and decided to try and give me a chance, she realized that without physical attraction there is nothing and made up those excuses to dump me.

 

 

2. Everything was a farce from the beginning, some kind of game beteween her and her friend, for what purpose, I don't know.

 

 

Either way, I feel like complete garbage, repugnant, uncapable of attracting someone I like unless they pity me or are trying to manipulate me.

 

 

I still miss her a lot, our conversations, her company, something I never had before in my life and that is why I think I am taking this so hard. I think about her all the time and when I remember she has a boyfriend I feel utterly devastated, worthless. My self esteem is practically nonexistant. I wish that I could erase her from my mind so that I could stop suffering.

 

I hope I can get past these feelings soon. Thank you all for your attention.

[drdre]

Hey buddy, I read your post. I'm really sorry you are hurting. It sucks. But I'm glad that you found this site to share your feelings. It's like having a huge group of friends that care about you and are always available to listen.

 

I dont know what happened with her but let's not overlook something awesome that happened here. For the first time, you were able to ask two women out and you got one of them. Sure, maybe it didn't work out long term but now you know you CAN do it. You did it once and you can do it again. Focus on that. While this experience certainly hurts, it is also empirical evidence that you are capable of attracting women. So much so that one of them thought you had so many options that she was just one of them.

 

Take this opportunity to build on that. Go to the gym, read a few books, work on yourself and your confidence so that the next time, you are even better prepared. We obviously want things to work out when we begin dating a new person but when they don't, let's at least make something out of it so we can "win" next time.

 

Besides that, keep posting updates and venting here. Reading other folks' stories also helps me put my own stuff into perspective and realize that we are not alone. There is a ton of people in the same painful situation right now and if they all come out on the other side, so will we.

 

Stay strong my friend.

[leomar]

I dont know what happened with her but let's not overlook something awesome that happened here. For the first time, you were able to ask two women out and you got one of them. Sure, maybe it didn't work out long term but now you know you CAN do it. You did it once and you can do it again. Focus on that. While this experience certainly hurts, it is also empirical evidence that you are capable of attracting women. So much so that one of them thought you had so many options that she was just one of them.

Thank you for your response and support. Yes, there is a silver lining here, for the first time I was able to ask someone out and even had my first kiss at my age, which I thought was something would never happen. But what is torturing me right now is that probably she was just playing with me, she really didn't care about me at all. That is why my confidence is now gone, because I don't know if I am really capable of attracting women, if this was all a farce. I am not an attractive guy, I am very very skinny and tall, I would say I am ugly and frankly I don't know how to approach a woman I like. I asked those girls out, because they had shown interest in me. I am thinking of taking dance lessons, you know learning new things to try and improve my confidence somehow.

 

 

Thanks for your help my friend

[d0nnivain]

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist.

 

Congratulations on moving forward with your life. You may be a late bloomer but that is OK. Taking dance lessons & doing other things to improve your life sound like a fantastic idea.

 

In addition to seeking date, perhaps try to develop friends too. Volunteer somewhere. It's easier to make friends when you have purpose. Just pick something you are passionate about caring for animals, art, theater, helping Veterans, helping the homeless, politics, visiting the sick, special needs gets & then join a community based group that focuses on what you are interested in. Join something like the Lions, the Elks, the Moose, the local animal shelter, somebody's political campaign. Roll up your sleeves & get to work. As you do good in your community you will form friendships with the other volunteers.

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Women can play games and be very spiteful. You're not wrong or crazy.

[drdre]

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist.

 

Congratulations on moving forward with your life. You may be a late bloomer but that is OK. Taking dance lessons & doing other things to improve your life sound like a fantastic idea.

 

In addition to seeking date, perhaps try to develop friends too. Volunteer somewhere. It's easier to make friends when you have purpose. Just pick something you are passionate about caring for animals, art, theater, helping Veterans, helping the homeless, politics, visiting the sick, special needs gets & then join a community based group that focuses on what you are interested in. Join something like the Lions, the Elks, the Moose, the local animal shelter, somebody's political campaign. Roll up your sleeves & get to work. As you do good in your community you will form friendships with the other volunteers.

 

I totally agree with Donivan. Not only will you find fulfillment in doing the actual volunteering, it is a no pressure way to meet both friends and potential women. Another added bonus is, if you do meet someone, you will instantly have something in common. That is huge since a lot of relationships fizzle out because people dont have much in common.

 

As for your confidence, tet me tell you something; NO ONE, goes on dates, kisses and gives their free time to someone they dont want to. Sure, maybe you didnt attract her with your physical appearance but you attracted her with your mind, your intellect, your personality... She would not be insecure about you liking her friend first if she didnt see you as high status in her mind. So be proud of that. Focus on that. If you look around, there are TONS of physically unattractive guys (based on social norms) with really, really amazing women. As guys, since we put so much focus on physical appearance, it is easy to project that on women. But they arent like that. You can sweep a woman off her feet just by being smart, kind, caring, funny, etc... all of which are things you CAN control.

 

Read some books. This may be an unpopular comment right here but look up David DeAngelo. Reading his stuff gave me a new perspective on how to talk to women. Im not recommending you go all out and change who you are, but it was interesting to see his approach. It personally helped me a lot when I first started dating (after an early marriage/divorce). The goal is not to go from where you are today to being a "player" or "pick up artist" but it certainly helped me to have some ideas and approaches to refer to.

 

Im sure you've read this last advice here before but hit the gym. It will make you feel good from an endorphins standpoint, plus it will build your confidence as you start to build some muscle. If you are already tall, having a nice frame will go a long way for both your self esteem and for attracting women.

 

Hope this helps buddy. Hang in there.

[leomar]

In addition to seeking date, perhaps try to develop friends too. Volunteer somewhere. It's easier to make friends when you have purpose. Just pick something you are passionate about caring for animals, art, theater, helping Veterans, helping the homeless, politics, visiting the sick, special needs gets & then join a community based group that focuses on what you are interested in. Join something like the Lions, the Elks, the Moose, the local animal shelter, somebody's political campaign. Roll up your sleeves & get to work. As you do good in your community you will form friendships with the other volunteers.

Yes, I haven't had any Friends since high school, I have to work on that as well, it's important, and all those activities could help.

 

 

As for your confidence, tet me tell you something; NO ONE, goes on dates, kisses and gives their free time to someone they dont want to. Sure, maybe you didnt attract her with your physical appearance but you attracted her with your mind, your intellect, your personality... She would not be insecure about you liking her friend first if she didnt see you as high status in her mind. So be proud of that. Focus on that. If you look around, there are TONS of physically unattractive guys (based on social norms) with really, really amazing women. As guys, since we put so much focus on physical appearance, it is easy to project that on women. But they arent like that. You can sweep a woman off her feet just by being smart, kind, caring, funny, etc... all of which are things you CAN control.

I think she couldn't wait to get rid of me to be with that guy, it was all a game for her.

 

 

Read some books. This may be an unpopular comment right here but look up David DeAngelo. Reading his stuff gave me a new perspective on how to talk to women. Im not recommending you go all out and change who you are, but it was interesting to see his approach. It personally helped me a lot when I first started dating (after an early marriage/divorce). The goal is not to go from where you are today to being a "player" or "pick up artist" but it certainly helped me to have some ideas and approaches to refer to.

 

I'll look him up, maybe I'll find something useful for the future.

 

 

Im sure you've read this last advice here before but hit the gym. It will make you feel good from an endorphins standpoint, plus it will build your confidence as you start to build some muscle. If you are already tall, having a nice frame will go a long way for both your self esteem and for attracting women.

 

I've been going to the gym for years, but the most difficult part is the diet, without a good one is not posible to gain mass, that's my problem.

 

 

 

I'm feeling very bad right now. She didn't block my number so her profile photo is still visible to me. A few hours ago, out of curiosity I checked the blocked numbers list, and there she was with a new profile photo where she appeared hugging her boyfriend (I hadn't seen them together until now). Whe I saw that, I felt like my whole body going cold, like an electric shock, I don't know how to describe it. I feel so sad right now; she never posted pictures of us when we were togehter, I meant nothing to her. She seems very much in love with that guy and it pains me so much. I can't sleep after seeing that photo. I just erased everything related to her (photos, messages), I destroyed her number which I had written down, and unblocked her so I am not able to see her profile photos anymore. There is no trace of her in my cell phone anymore. I just want to forget her, but I'm suffering a lot, especially when I think about how happy she is with that guy.

[leomar]

Sorry for the double post. I am having a very difficult day today, I didn't go to work, and have cried several times already. I know it sounds ridiculous. A year and a half ago I wouldn't have imagined I would ever be feeling like this for a woman. I feel terrible, almost physically sick. I also went to a phsychiatrist and he prescribed some medication for the depression, but I only started taking it four days ago and he said it would start taking effect in 3 or 4 weeks. I've been feeling a lot worse since last night when I saw that photo of her with her boyfriend.

[d0nnivain]

Skipping work once is not the worst thing but you have to pull yourself together. You can't fired over this.

 

As much as it hurts, isolation makes it worse.

 

Disconnect on all social media so you can't see these photos.

[Ralph79]

Sorry for the double post. I am having a very difficult day today, I didn't go to work, and have cried several times already. I know it sounds ridiculous. A year and a half ago I wouldn't have imagined I would ever be feeling like this for a woman. I feel terrible, almost physically sick. I also went to a phsychiatrist and he prescribed some medication for the depression, but I only started taking it four days ago and he said it would start taking effect in 3 or 4 weeks. I've been feeling a lot worse since last night when I saw that photo of her with her boyfriend.

 

Hello leomar,

 

I used to think I had some sort of social phobia as well. I think that contributed to video gaming habits, because online I was way more open and talkative than in person. I completely understand how you might feel that it's an "impossible" task for a woman to take you seriously as a partner given your self-imposed drawbacks.

 

However I also get the feeling that deep down you are a rational person. You have been trusted into an irrational situation and your world is in chaos right now. I know this is extremely difficult right now, but believe me , over time you'll be able to regain your ability to process and see things objectively.

 

Think,

 

If a girl asks you out, they have a right to "test" the waters so to speak. You hadn't been in a relationship before, so you might feel that if she kissed you and held hands and declared you her BF, then it was for keeps. But it wasn't. She chose so be with someone else. That's the whole point of going steady with someone. It's to see if you are marriage material. Then it's supposed to be for keeps.

 

It's very likely that she was attracted to qualities your friend Mary conveyed to her. She wanted an opportunity to get to know you as something more than a friend. But what if she didn't like being your GF ? Does it mean she has to suck it up and stay in the relationship ? I think you know the answer to that.

 

It's better that the bubble got burst now and not during an ugly divorce and children involved (yeah, I'm getting way ahead of myself). It's very likely that she found your inexperience a deal breaker.

 

You will find relationships that are way more fulfilling that this girl down the road . Trust me. But take this opportunity to learn from mistakes to make sure you don't make them again.

 

Seriously though, did you really think this girl was "the one"? Did you really have that much in common? Could you see yourself building a home & family with her ? You are new to the whole dating scene, so you have to accept the fact that you will get easily swept away by ANY modicum of attention directed your way by the fairer sex.

 

The more you keep torturing yourself by looking at her social media account wondering "what if", is the more you keep damaging yourself for further relationships. The girl meant for you is out there. But life has a journey in store for you, which will prepare you for her.

 

Don't waste your time fretting over what could have been with this one.

[leomar]

Skipping work once is not the worst thing but you have to pull yourself together. You can't fired over this.

 

As much as it hurts, isolation makes it worse.

 

Disconnect on all social media so you can't see these photos.

Yes, up until yesterday, I was constantly checking her Instagram page. After seeing that photo on whatsapp I can't do that anymore, It's unhealthy and devastating for me.

 

 

If a girl asks you out, they have a right to "test" the waters so to speak. You hadn't been in a relationship before, so you might feel that if she kissed you and held hands and declared you her BF, then it was for keeps. But it wasn't. She chose so be with someone else. That's the whole point of going steady with someone. It's to see if you are marriage material. Then it's supposed to be for keeps.

 

It's very likely that she was attracted to qualities your friend Mary conveyed to her. She wanted an opportunity to get to know you as something more than a friend. But what if she didn't like being your GF ? Does it mean she has to suck it up and stay in the relationship ? I think you know the answer to that.

I understand about testing the waters, during the first three dates I didn't make any romantic advances and she seemed to enjoy my company very much. After we had our first proper kiss, I think she shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so much; the day after that, she even texted me saying “te quiero” (spanish is our mother tongue), which has the same meaning as “I love you” but is not as strong. There were many things from her that made me think she was interested: every time I dropped her off at her house, she would say: “text me when you get home”, and would always ask when we would meet again, so she appeared very enthusiastic with the way things were going, at least when we were face to face.

 

 

I don't know if I moved too slow and she was dissapointed that I didn't try to have sex with her (I was going to insinuate that to her the day we were supposed to meet and asked me the Mary question), maybe that other guy immediately took her to bed, she was thrilled and decided to dump me asap. The last time we saw each other she let me kiss her neck several times and while we were kissing she said: “give me that tongue, it's sweet”, so maybe she was trying to tell me that she was ready, but I was very dumb and didn't want to move too fast. But that's all speculation now.

 

 

I wish she had been honest with me, maybe she didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me she really was interested in that guy, but what she did was a lot worse, making me appear like the villain.

 

 

It's better that the bubble got burst now and not during an ugly divorce and children involved (yeah, I'm getting way ahead of myself). It's very likely that she found your inexperience a deal breaker.

I never told her that she was my first relationship, but maybe she sensed my inexperience in some way.

 

 

 

Seriously though, did you really think this girl was "the one"? Did you really have that much in common? Could you see yourself building a home & family with her ? You are new to the whole dating scene, so you have to accept the fact that you will get easily swept away by ANY modicum of attention directed your way by the fairer sex.

Yes, since that was my first time in a relationship I was a lot more vulnerable than her. I hope that if there is a next time with a different person, things will be different. But I keep wondering (unhealthily) what is it that guy has that I don't, that made her dump me and and run into his arms.

 

Thank you

[Ralph79]

After we had our first proper kiss, I think she shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so much; the day after that, she even texted me saying “te quiero” (spanish is our mother tongue), which has the same meaning as “I love you” but is not as strong. There were many things from her that made me think she was interested: every time I dropped her off at her house, she would say: “text me when you get home”, and would always ask when we would meet again, so she appeared very enthusiastic with the way things were going, at least when we were face to face.

You shouldn't assume that she deceived you. Nor should you assume that she was being insincere. Maybe she did give it her best shot, but in her mind maybe you guys just didn't click. Just because you felt a certain connection to her, doesn't mean she felt it too. She tried though. She could've just told you "You know what, I'm sorry, I'm simply not feeling this relationship headed in the right direction", but to be honest, there is really no proper way to say that. 99% of the time, there will be heartbreak no matter how nice they break the news.

 

And by the way, "Te quiero", as I'm certain you know, given proper context could mean several things:

1. If you say "Te Amo" (I love you) and she replies with "Te Quiero", it literally just means "I like you" and nothing more.

2. If she says "Te quiero" out of the blue, and follows this up with a hug, or leaves it written in a piece of paper with lipstick marks (example), then it means "I'm fond of you"

3. If she says "Te quiero" with a flirty smile then it could mean "I want you".

 

Did your relationship with her ever got to the point where she told you "Te Amo" ?

 

 

I don't know if I moved too slow and she was dissapointed that I didn't try to have sex with her (I was going to insinuate that to her the day we were supposed to meet and asked me the Mary question), maybe that other guy immediately took her to bed, she was thrilled and decided to dump me asap. The last time we saw each other she let me kiss her neck several times and while we were kissing she said: “give me that tongue, it's sweet”, so maybe she was trying to tell me that she was ready, but I was very dumb and didn't want to move too fast. But that's all speculation now.

I've been there. Producing & directing situational porn films in my imagination based on what my Ex might be doing with her new significant other. Life isn't as black and white as your head makes it out to be right now. Just because she dumped you, doesn't mean that the reason she did so was to start having sex with someone else. She's not the sex-starved creature that your ego is trying to convince you of for the sake of making sense of it all. I'm sorry if I'm getting ahead of myself here. I am totally projecting my first breakup here with you. Just thought I'd share because some of the things you have shared resonated. Perhaps this could prove a learning experience. Perhaps not.

 

 

I wish she had been honest with me, maybe she didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me she really was interested in that guy, but what she did was a lot worse, making me appear like the villain.

 

 

I never told her that she was my first relationship, but maybe she sensed my inexperience in some way.

 

 

 

Yes, since that was my first time in a relationship I was a lot more vulnerable than her. I hope that if there is a next time with a different person, things will be different. But I keep wondering (unhealthily) what is it that guy has that I don't, that made her dump me and and run into his arms.

 

Thank you

Try and play out the scenario in your head where she tells you that there's someone else. How would that have played out? Do you think you would have given up on her so easily? Don't you think you would have gotten just as upset, if not more? . Of course now that you know the end result, you will convince yourself that there were betters ways, but as they say, hindsight is always 20/20. I'm not saying that what she did was right, or the only way to break up with you. But in matters of the heart there are no right and wrong ways to an end.

[SquareOne]

Hey leomar,

 

I just turned 35, and I'm going through my first heartbreak too. I risked everything following my heart, because I truly believed I met my soulmate. She thought the samething too, and we were engaged. Just shy of 2yrs together she ended it without reason or warning. It complete broke me, and I lost everything because of it.

 

I guess the positive I try to hold onto is......When you've hit the bottom, and can't feel any worse, lonely, or empty there is only one place left to go......UP!!! I know it's hard to believe sometimes, and I struggle believing it somedays too, but maybe we are the lucky ones. Maybe this pain now is saving us from a far worse pain had we stayed together. Just stay positive, and have faith something good will come from this!!!

[leomar]

You shouldn't assume that she deceived you. Nor should you assume that she was being insincere. Maybe she did give it her best shot, but in her mind maybe you guys just didn't click. Just because you felt a certain connection to her, doesn't mean she felt it too. She tried though. She could've just told you "You know what, I'm sorry, I'm simply not feeling this relationship headed in the right direction", but to be honest, there is really no proper way to say that. 99% of the time, there will be heartbreak no matter how nice they break the news.

 

And by the way, "Te quiero", as I'm certain you know, given proper context could mean several things:

1. If you say "Te Amo" (I love you) and she replies with "Te Quiero", it literally just means "I like you" and nothing more.

2. If she says "Te quiero" out of the blue, and follows this up with a hug, or leaves it written in a piece of paper with lipstick marks (example), then it means "I'm fond of you"

3. If she says "Te quiero" with a flirty smile then it could mean "I want you".

 

Did your relationship with her ever got to the point where she told you "Te Amo" ?

Yes, maybe she was trying to like me, but weather you like someone or not is something you realize sooner tan later, but she kept accepting my invitations, hugging me and holding my hand out of the blue, telling me how “cute” I was, how she “missed” me. One time, after a makeout session, I thought we were done, but she suddenly said “one more”, and started again. If all that was her trying, she definitely overdid it, because like I said, she got my hopes up very much and I think doing all that without really feeling it, is being insincere.

She didn't really like me, if she did, she wouldn't have given me those two contradictory reasons to dump me and would have agreed to meet me and talk things out like adults and given the relationship one more shot. Instead, she chose to end it all with a whatsapp message, I found that very disrespectful.

We never said “te amo” to each other, I thought it was very premature. We said “te quiero” or “te quiero mucho”. That time she messaged me out of the blue with “te quiero!”

 

 

I've been there. Producing & directing situational porn films in my imagination based on what my Ex might be doing with her new significant other. Life isn't as black and white as your head makes it out to be right now. Just because she dumped you, doesn't mean that the reason she did so was to start having sex with someone else. She's not the sex-starved creature that your ego is trying to convince you of for the sake of making sense of it all. I'm sorry if I'm getting ahead of myself here. I am totally projecting my first breakup here with you. Just thought I'd share because some of the things you have shared resonated. Perhaps this could prove a learning experience. Perhaps not.

I've also thought the exact opposite, that maybe I scared her because she sensed it was only a matter of time before I asked her to have sex with me. I've thought this because she is a christian; she never admitted it to me, I found out through social media. I don’t know christian views on sexuality, I thought maybe because of it she was more reserved, but I could be wrong. It is also worth mentioning that I am an atheist and she knew it, asked me directly a while ago. Maybe that had something to do with her decision also.

 

And I hope this proves to be a learning experience as well.

 

 

Try and play out the scenario in your head where she tells you that there's someone else. How would that have played out? Do you think you would have given up on her so easily? Don't you think you would have gotten just as upset, if not more? . Of course now that you know the end result, you will convince yourself that there were betters ways, but as they say, hindsight is always 20/20. I'm not saying that what she did was right, or the only way to break up with you. But in matters of the heart there are no right and wrong ways to an end.

 

I would have felt very upset in that case, no doubt, but what bothers me are the lies and trying to make me feel like the one to blame for everything. That guy she is with now, has been around for a while, liking or loving her facebook photos for months. It's not true she met him after she dumped me.

 

 

 

Hey leomar,

 

I just turned 35, and I'm going through my first heartbreak too. I risked everything following my heart, because I truly believed I met my soulmate. She thought the samething too, and we were engaged. Just shy of 2yrs together she ended it without reason or warning. It complete broke me, and I lost everything because of it.

 

I guess the positive I try to hold onto is......When you've hit the bottom, and can't feel any worse, lonely, or empty there is only one place left to go......UP!!! I know it's hard to believe sometimes, and I struggle believing it somedays too, but maybe we are the lucky ones. Maybe this pain now is saving us from a far worse pain had we stayed together. Just stay positive, and have faith something good will come from this!!!

I am very sorry that you are going through that situation, if I am feeling like crap right now, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling. Have you tried to meet somebody else? That’s very difficult for me because I have no friends. And yes, I hope something Good Will come out of this. Thank you