Dumped By Girlfriend- She Insists On being Friends

[norealusername]

I saw this woman for around 5 months. We went very fast from the start. She was very into me at the beginning, came off as being very needy and clingy. She would text me constantly throughout the day, every day, for hours. I liked her from the start but grew to like her more and more as time passed. In the last month together, I could tell her attraction was fading. She started being distant and making the excuse of being too busy to see me. So one day she dumps me saying we need to figure ourselves out, maybe something will happen in the future......yeah right. I know I kind of took her for granted a lot of the time. I think she was so clingy, I got lazy.

 

 

 

So the break up wasn't dramatic or anything. We were still talking and friendly. Then I got overly emotional and sent her a short love letter by text. I know now this was a huge mistake. So right after that she stops speaking to me for a week. I guess the love letter freaked her out. I did some begging just to get her to speak to me. She starts speaking to me a week later but she's very cold and talks to me like a stranger. I was laying off the contact at this point, I could see I'm not getting anywhere.

 

 

So just over a week ago, she starts texting me again very nice just like we used to. She starts reminiscing and saying she misses me, even sends me some sexy pics. Now I'm starting to see hope of getting back together. Then I ask her to have dinner with me. She says she's busy the whole weekend, I don't ask about it again. Two days after this, she tells me she's talking to another guy and they like each other. Then she insists that we still be friends. I got very angry at this point. I feel like I was dumped and had my heart crushed for the second time in 3 weeks. What was the point of that?

 

 

So I tried to explain that I couldn't be just friends because it won't work out. She keeps insisting on it, tells me I'm being childish. I eventually just say I'll keep talking but don't ask me to be friends again. So I did keep talking to her by text. We ended up doing some heavy sex talk and it sounds like she wants to hook up but as usual she's too busy when I try to arrange something. So I sort of give up being friends with her. When I stop contacting her, she sends me a message "so you are not speaking to me anymore?" with a sad face emoji. I did reply to her again but now when I try to chat, she hardly says anything, just short responses like she doesn't care. But again if I stop replying I get the sad face messages.

 

 

Now I've been dumped before but this one has been the most devastating. I've hardly left my house or done anything in 3 weeks. I've been physically ill and unable to stop thinking about it. How can someone who was my best friend turn into something so cruel and heartless? I still want to get back together with her but my feelings now are a mixture of love and anger, mostly anger. I know I should probably just cease contact with her but it's too hard. There's still this shred of hope that we'll get back together. If I cut her off, I'm afraid she'll just forget me. If I keep talking, I'm afraid she'll just forget me when a new guy takes my place as her texting buddy. Can anyone shed light on her actions? I should add that we aren't kids, we're both in our late 40s.

[Elpida.]

I'm having a very, very similar situation. I'm late twenties and he is mid thirties. He was always talking about marriage, kids, etc and I was a little nervous about this kind of forward planning.

 

We had a great date and then out of the blue he dumped me the next day by call. We had a coffee a week later to discuss everything and agreed to move on. Obviously I was sad but I was keeping busy and trying to take my mind off him. Then he randomly called me a week after chatting and joking as usual, saying he missed me and then just like that he disappeared again.

 

I've realised these people want to have their cake and eat it too. My guy had a lot of issues and when I've said I can't keep in contact with him because it hurts me, he's said that he really needs me.

 

Basically they can't cherry pick what they want from us and expect us to stay around as support, a friend, or an emotional crutch when they don't want us. I'd say block, go NC and move on and I'm going to try and do the same.

 

 

I can't understand how someone could treat a person like that (saying she has met another guy and they like each other) either but it's like she wants to keep you around for insurance so she can figure out what and who she wants. Don't be the fallback. Let her realise later she's made a mistake.

[Elpida.]

and I'm sorry, I can understand the feeling of being physically ill In the first week I felt really anxious and kept having panic attacks. I actually took a few days off work and just stayed in bed all day crying because I couldn't face anything. I'm feeling a little better now (though still have my moments and still heartbroken). Hopefully time will be a healer for you too.

[marky00]

Didn't read your full post but no way should you entertain a friendship with her. That's the worst thing you can do. That kills off any chance of a reconciliation and also kills any remaining respect she has for you.

 

She's not your friend. Friends don't treat people that way. Cut her out of your life. She made her bed, now let her lie in it.

[burnt]

I should add that we aren't kids, we're both in our late 40s.

 

It's good that you added that detail at the very end of your post, because as I was reading it I was thinking "Oh, kids! These two kids must be in their early 20s or something!" She is behaving like she's in her late teens actually.

 

So one day she dumps me saying we need to figure ourselves out, maybe something will happen in the future......yeah right.

 

No, she needs to figure herself out -- clearly even in her late 40s she hasn't and is acting like an immature girl in her late teens.

So, allow her to figure herself out. Maybe in her future, when she's in her late 70s, after she's a bit more 'figured out', she can contact you back again. But in the mean time you need to move on to a mature woman, not a girl.

 

She has been stringing you along; her behavior is not just immature, but unkind, selfish, and inconsiderate. Absolutely no way is she in the position to insist that you keep maintaining a friendship with her after the way she's been treating you.

 

Yes, ceasing contact with would be hard I imagine, but keeping in touch is doing too much damage to you.

 

Are you happy? No.

Do you feel respected by her? No.

Is she always getting what she wants? Yep.

 

Both friendship and relationships are based at the foundation on trust and respect. Are you getting either from her? No.

 

So, what's in it for you to comply? You are consistently getting hurt and being used by her, and she's stringing you along for the ride that's convenient for her.

 

No. Contact.

 

Cut contact--block her.

She's bad news.

[norealusername]

I can't understand how someone could treat a person like that (saying she has met another guy and they like each other) either but it's like she wants to keep you around for insurance so she can figure out what and who she wants. Don't be the fallback. Let her realise later she's made a mistake.

I don't know what's wrong with these people, If they even realize how disgusting and mean they are. I've been dumped a few times, especially when I was younger and never encountered a girl who acted like this. I had one woman who dumped me then wanted to keep sleeping together and I've had some that contacted me again long after we parted but none of them played games like this. I suspect your guy wants you as a fallback or he just wants to have sex without any strings attached.

[Elpida.]

I don't know what's wrong with these people, If they even realize how disgusting and mean they are. I've been dumped a few times, especially when I was younger and never encountered a girl who acted like this. I had one woman who dumped me then wanted to keep sleeping together and I've had some that contacted me again long after we parted but none of them played games like this. I suspect your guy wants you as a fallback or he just wants to have sex without any strings attached.

 

Same here. I always make the mistake of judging people by my own standards I guess. I've had a few iffy breakups but with most of my exes we tried to end things amicably so this kind of behaviour is unfathomable to me.

[norealusername]

I figured she is just stringing me along, I think she's been doing it before we even broke up. I liked her so much, I sometimes question if she doesn't know what she's doing. My gut tells me she does know what she's doing. It's funny, because she's the nicest, sweetest person before she dumped me. I did block her text number 2 days ago. On my phone it goes into a spam folder so I just end up checking that all the time...lol. I'm really trying my best to resist. I'm not going to play into her game anymore no matter what.

[Marc878]

At this time you are the only one keeping you in limbo.

 

She can't do anything. It's totally up to you.

 

You chase they move farther away.

 

Hopefully you learned something

[winny]

1. Grow up

2. See things for what they are

3. Block and delete her from channels of communication

4. Be determined never to look back

5. Move on and find someone better

 

We all make wrong choices but it is stupid to not move on when we realize someone is playing with us.

[stillafool]

Do yourself a favor and Block her from contacting you. You don't need her friendship.

[alphamale]

don't be friends with an ex unless you have kids together

[norealusername]

So I haven't contacted her in 4 days. I blocked her number but I just end up checking my spam folder. Yesterday she sent a text "Hi", I ignored it. Today she sent "Ok, I can leave you alone now", I ignored it. The ridiculous thing is, if I do respond, she doesn't even put an effort to talk. I just get short meaningless replies and she ends up vanishing while I'm talking. It makes no sense.

 

 

 

I am so tempted to just tell her off once and for all. Tell her she's an immature, self centered, manipulative b***h. Is this not a good idea? Should I just keep ignoring and bite my tongue?

[CantTakeMySmile]

Ignore.

 

 

I didn't even know there was a spam folder for messages. where is that?

[norealusername]

I have an android samsung. It doesn't actually block, it rejects numbers as spam, you can still click on the spam folder and read them. You don't get any notifications for the spam messages though.

[CantTakeMySmile]

I have an android samsung. It doesn't actually block, it rejects numbers as spam, you can still click on the spam folder and read them. You don't get any notifications for the spam messages though.

 

 

 

Well that sucks for someone that doesn't want to know who is calling! Can you block online through your service provider?

[norealusername]

Well that sucks for someone that doesn't want to know who is calling! Can you block online through your service provider?

 

 

I don't know, I'd have to check into it. If you have self control not to check the spam, you'd be all set...I don't have that much self control.