Stayed by her side when she lost her son-we had a son-lost my job.

[AAronMichael]

Not really sure where to begin. Started talking to this girl online, and the first time I met her she was chasing some people who had apparently pissed her off. Same night, as she was drunk she was whomping on her son with a pillow... and not softly. It made me very uncomfortable, so I ended up leaving.

 

Next day she sends a text apologizing saying how sorry she was and that wasn't her. I understood. As we continued getting to know eachother we grew very close. I remember one time she told me I should yell at her kid if he misbehaves... and I told her no, I wont yell at him. One night she had a little too much to drink, ended up breaking a broom, and bending a golf club on me. She got onto her balcony railing, in front of her son, and he screamed for me. I pulled her off of the balcony and told her you will not hit me especially in front of your son. Later that night she got into an argument with her lower neighbor, at which point I left. The police were called on her and she hits a few officers, so jail it is and her son taken away. Throughout the entire process of getting him back I was there for her. (Keep in mind she blows up at very small things) Counseling, court, child services, the works. It took us over a year to get him back.

 

Fast forward a year later (and many many yelling sessions on her behalf) we got a house and was able to bring the boy home. I remember one night she was doing flash cards with him, and he wasn't getting it. She flipped out, just beligerant. I hated it... and I should have said something. One time we were driving and someone almost cut her off, so at the stoplight she gets out and starts banging on the vehicles window. I'm thinking "jesus, if a cop were here she would be the one getting arrested or she's going to get shot."

 

Now, mind you I wasn't perfect at all but I was doing my best to be a supportive boyfriend and be a good role model to the boy. I had drank a couple times and tried to hide it from her, had some weed after she asked me not to, etc. because I was stressed the **** out. She was pretty upset and I apologized. Fast forward another year we move into an apartment, were happy... but as always some yelling occurs. We ended up having a baby, we both had good paying jobs, and life was good. Until I unexpectedly lost my job of nearly six years, which I loved. I became super depressed. Even though I was looking for work it was difficult as we were trying to avoid daycare. I end up taking a delivery job for a couple of months while I was still hoping to find a good job. I ended up quitting to go work in concrete, which I did for about a month or so, and the owner just didn't respond a couple days... and I needed to work. So I sent him a message saying "hey I need to work, if you're not going to respond to me this doesn't work) So maybe I was just too slow or something for them, I dunno. Not long after I land a job in tile, which I was thrilled about as you can make really good money and have a trade for life. Maybe a month goes by and the lead tile setter got into a truck crash and hurt his neck bad enough to where he couldn't come back to qork. So now it's just the owner and he tells me that he doesn't have the time to keep training me, which kind of pissed me off as one would think an extra pair of hands would be a good thing.

 

So now I'm freaking out, drive passed a place that was hiring so I immediately go in, and was offered a job that day. Which thrilled me because I was not looking forward to telling her another job fell through. Now, I am a good dad. And I made the mistake of lying to her about pills that I was taking (percocet) because of how stressed I was. (Ah, and I also started smoking out of stress.) I also while being unemployed tried to keep the house clean, but the kids I just couldn't keep up with. I also stupidly played xbox much much more than I should have. *Quite a few times her son would throw such a huge fit she would just start screaming. I'm a very patient guy, and it took me a looong time to raise my voice, and a couple times I nearly scared myself. I love this boy so much, but he has been through a lot so, really, I shouldn't have raised my voice or yell if he got really beligerant, like screaming I'm going to kill myself) I always told him not to talk like that and that we loved him, and we hate to yell. He's the sweetest kid in the world so I'm struggling that this is even happening.*

 

Now let's get back to the job aspect. It's my second day and the girlfriend wants me to go to an amusement park with her and our baby boy. I asked the dispatcher (who was only there a few months) says go ahead. Which thrilled me because I missed her and wanted to spend the day with her. We had a good day and talked a little bit about it, and we both said I should just be a stay at home dad. Later that night I seriously brought it up again, mentioned I did't really want to spend 16 hours out in the sun, and I thought we agreed 16 hours just wouldn't work if one of us had to leave... she brought up to ask them if I could do less, like 10 to 12, whatever. I told her "babe they wont allow it they require 16 hours from everyone" and she assumed I was basically quitting, I wasn't. Our little boy was just diagnosed with pnemonia, and I told her I think the best thing is to stay home with him because I didn't want any other kids to get sick. She didn't care and said he's going. We ended up arguing about the job, as she didn't want me to make a haste decision, which I wasn't because I knew she would take our son to daycare anyways. She told me to shut up, and told her not to tell me to shut up. (I told my parents that the next time we get into an arguement I was going to leave for a few days, just to give her some space and we could both cool off.) So I start getting some clothes ready, put them in my car, and as she was on the pbone with her mother she asked me what I was doing. I told her I was going to stay at the parents for a few days because she needed space. Then she basically took the key from me, and kicked me out, and off of the lease. Which I didn't think would happen. I still go into work the next day intending to do a full day, the manager pulls me in his office, we talked about the hours and he said "no, we need everyone to do 16 no less" and he also said that he was going to have to let me go because I took half the day, on my second day, to spend with her. So we both just kind of agreed it wasn't going to work. (I stayed with a friend that night and had two beers) but she thinks I just left to get ****face wasted, which I didn't do anymore.

 

A few days go by, I'm pretty ****ing sad because I love this girl, and would stick by her side through anything. I text her. Then again. Explaining what happened yet again job wise. At this time she is in another part of the state visiting family. I start seeing from her family members posts like "a man throwing a mantrum" because I left. Then her sister posts a meme "A real man will do anything for his kid." Well no ****ing ****, I have been trying and it's been a string of letdowns to this point. I text her mom and explained I only intended to leave for a few days. She responds with a rather lengthy and harsh text "dont contact me again until you get a job and keep it, and was I going to wait until my family was homeless because of my "addictions" ... which at this point I hadn't done a single pill because I promised her I wouldn't. And it was ****ing hard but I did it.)

 

So here I am. Alone. Without her or the two kids that mean the world to me... all my **** she just cleared out, which wasn't much because I'm a minimumelist(sp?) I'm having a hard time. Still trying to talk with her... nothing. Then she calls me, and just ****ing lays it on me saying "all you do is play your stupid game instead of watch our kid or play with him, and read to him like a real dad. Ok, I have no arguement there I fell deep into depression and played too much. But when I was at home with my kid, I did play with him and always had my eye on him. And yes, I have now completely given up games)

 

Here's the kicker: She told me her son didn't want to live with us if I was still there, which literally broke my ****ing heart. She also said "no wonder when I come home sometimes he is so upset because you yell at him over ****ing dishes, he never acted like this before or talked about suicide. Which pissed me the **** off because A: I would always ask him nicely more than a few times to do his chore, and he refused... then it would get worse and ultimately me being so frustrated over such a small task I raised my voice at him. I never denied it. But I never just screamed at him to do the dishes, or anything else. I would only raise my voice when he got out of hand. And looking back at it, it makes me sick to my stomach that I ever started to yell, but with how often over the years she had freaked out, and screamed... I guess I thought it was the only way to get this child to start respecting his mother and ****. I never hit her, verbally abused her, or really even argued back when she was getting all crazy. I did push her once against a wall, I was drunk, and it would never happen again.

 

So here I am. Thinking it's all my fault, I'm a horrible dad, etc. The worst thing anyone has ever told me was "we are happier here without you." When it's just her and my two year old.

 

It's funny yet ****ty because literally a few days later I get offered a pretty good job, in Healthcare which I did previously, benefits and all. My finances are currently ****ed, but I intend on getting another job and just pay it all off and get good with the creditors... and help her as much as I can.

 

I stopped eating bad ****, started really focusing on myself and I've lost 25 pounds already. I could have done so much better with her and the kids, I literally sometimes want to die. We also stopped having sex as much, we both wanted eachother but with how she treats people at times and her behaviour... beautiful as she is I just couldn't give it to her.

 

I'm so emotionally distraught right now that I developed a ****ing stutter... and it aint small. When I talk about her it's sometimes full blown sentances I can't get out.

 

Sorry for how long it is. But I really needed to vent.

 

AAron

[d0nnivain]

OK, what's your Q?

 

Your baby mama -- who has her own serious issues -- has told you that you need steady employment & to be off drugs if you want to reunite.

 

Go get a lawyer. Pay your child support. See your child. Be nice to her other kid & see what happens.