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-   -   Anyone relapsed before (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/660094-anyone-relapsed-before)

confused83 13th July 2018 11:37 AM

Anyone relapsed before
 
Dont know why but i have been fine for the past probably 4 - 5 months. We broke up in november past year and ive had break ups before that lasted id say 2 months tops then i was fine. This 1 feels so different and knew there was something about her. Xmas was impossible and a complete write off but around April it started to get hot, the world cup was on, i was dating someone who seemed perfect but then it just hit me that shes not my ex so i suddenly said we should stop dating (went on 6 dates). Now all i think about again is my ex from November. Why?? Everyday i feel down when i think aboit losing her and dating didnt help

Young mind 13th July 2018 1:56 PM

Canít tell you how much thatís similar to me, broke up too in last September, several months were bad, started to feel better this March /April so that took me more than 6 months, but almost everyday I still think about her ofc not with the same frequency.
I think itís just nostalgia because youíre comparing each girl you meet with the ex and you put your ex on a pedestal, sheís no mini-god and you will see it .
Like me I suggest to feel it, get used to the thoughts, itís just your mind , you were once together so ofc those thoughts cant be eliminated instantly and forever

preraph 13th July 2018 2:13 PM

Shot in the dark. If she broke up with you instead of you breaking up with her, then that may be why you can't get over it.

confused83 13th July 2018 2:20 PM

What has made things worse is i felt like we both shared something that was different. I thought id been jn love twice beforehand with exes but this was tottally diffeeent and has felt like my 1 shot at proper true love. Im 35 now. The worst part was she got into another relationship 2 weeks after leaving me. She's happy, settled, guessing theyre living together as annoyingly my local estate agent rang me about a new house on the market that i maybe interested in. I checked it onlune and... it was the exes. Thats not helped with bringing it all back about how we lived there.

HiCrunchy 13th July 2018 3:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by preraph (Post 7597458)
Shot in the dark. If she broke up with you instead of you breaking up with her, then that may be why you can't get over it.

This.

Yep getting over a break up is harder if you are dumpee/foreced dumper.

preraph 13th July 2018 9:26 PM

It's not been all that long, but you have to make yourself move on. You may always have regrets, but you still have to move forward and not let it stop your life.

overcome 14th July 2018 9:31 AM

I can relate. I've been out with woman who just don't hold a candle to an ex. It does hurt more when you're the one who got dumped.

To say you will never find another girl like your ex is accurate. No two people are the same. So while I'm sure you had something special, it's not impossible that you will find something like that with another girl. You just have to look. For all you know, you'll find something that is even better.

As for getting over an ex, everyone is different. I have always found that staying busy, getting in shape, focusing on my goals, has helped me. I do everything I can to make sure I don't know how my ex is doing. I don't want to know if she's seeing someone else, how her life is going...etc.

I think that if you continue to date, you might be surprised what you find. Of course you need to be in the right mindset to do so.

confused83 22nd July 2018 6:43 AM

Getting in the mindeset to date seems so hard now though. Ive never struggled like this ever. The last woman i dated everytime we met i just kept thinking 'i had more fun here with my ex maybe i should call this off'. Whats also hard is me and the ex did everything together so I cannot find 1 date idea that wont bring back memories of the ex and then start me stupidly comparing them.

overcome 22nd July 2018 8:14 AM

Confused,

I know it's hard. I'm going through it as well. And while it's only been just over a month for me, I decided I was ready and I didn't want to wait. Just a personal choice.

The thing you need to remember is that you ex was not perfect. She had flaws. If you look hard enough, you will see them. Sure, there were plenty of things you loved about your ex. But I'm willing to bet there things you did not like. And one day you'll meet another woman who is better than your ex in ways you couldn't imagine. Trust me on this one. It's happened to me many times.

While it's been since November that your relationship ended, there is no specific amount of time that it can take to get over your ex. But you have to do everything you can to cut them out of your life. As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. I believe this is the first step. If you have already gone to great lengths to do this, then you're already on the right path. If not, you need to do this right away

Now listen to this video. It's not long but listen to it everyday if you have to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjpUqPXdo8E


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