Rose13 Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 We were together for 3 years and he was the love of my life. We had a rough couple months and he ended it and made me move out the same day. I reached out after a few days to see if we could talk and received no response. I asked a couple days later about getting the last few things I had left and didn’t get a response (then I spiraled and texted him A LOT) so of course no reply. I called his dad who was also our land lord and asked to please get my stuff. The next day my ex told me I could come get my “****” on Monday and said he didn’t know what I wanted. I told him I didn’t deserve what I was getting and that I wouldn’t contact him again. The next evening he started messaging me asking where I lived and how the dog was doing. After that conversation ended he sent me a message and told me I should have fought for us and I shouldn’t have left. I again asked if we could talk and he said he would talk to me in a bit when he had time. Never heard from him. I went to his house against my better judgment and he told me it was over. I left a letter explaining how I feel and he asked me to come back and he told me he loved and missed me and we slept together. Now it’s a day later and he is again not responding to anything I say. Why is he doing this to me? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 He's either immature or he has a brain tumor. The back & forth just reading that I practically got whiplash. Bottom line even if he wanted to end the relationship there is a nice way to end living together & there is what he did -- kicking you to the curb on no notice. I could never forgive somebody for doing something like that nor could I ever trust him again. I broke up with a guy I was living with. I told him he was welcome to the guest room but asked that he get out in 2 weeks. Around the 10 day mark he said he found a place but it wouldn't be ready for another week so I let him stay 3 weeks so he was able to transition without scrambling / couch surfing. It's called compassion & your EX has none. Think about that when you are contemplating getting back with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Vanity1 Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 This happens in the last stages of a relationship, mixed feelings on both sides, just missing the comfort of having that person, sex. But it doesn't matter that doesn't mean much.. when someone wants to be with you they don't ignore you. Mixed signals are never a good thing. Don't let him mind **** you, before you know it up you will learn there's someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
N2017 Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Sounds like the bipolar guy I dated. He'd ask me out, then I'd ask him where to meet him, and then he'd say he'd let me know. I'd wait for him to tell me for days, while seeing him post selfies of him playing pool with his friends on social media. And then after a few days he'd call, text, email, snapchat, and even try to contact me through the school class portal asking if I'm okay and why I am ignoring him. When I didn't answer he texted me telling me to delete his number and it's over. I don't respond. Next day I see him in class, he's begging me telling me he's sorry and he wants to talk and tries grabbing me in front of the professor. Some guys have problems... Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 This guy sounds, well, mentally imbalanced? Anyway, him kicking you to the curb was just foul and shows his lack of decency as a human being. C'mon, you were just asking for your things back! As for you relationship, based on the limited information you provided, I think your relationship is done and this guy is just using you to temporarily stave away separation anxiety while he moves on. OR he's just stringing you along until everything in his head clears out. Either way, it ain't good. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahUK Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 I've had this kind of situation in the past and in my opinion, whenever someone is wishy washy it's never a good sign. How many times are they going to keep changing their mind? I was dating a guy last year who decided he wanted space to think for a few weeks after 7 months together. He called me up after a few days upset and wanting to see me so we went out again and decided we'd give it another go. After two more dates, he called me and said he didn't want a relationship which I was pretty sad about. A week later he asked me for coffee to work through his issues. I had to say no because I'd spent the week trying to move past it. You don't deserve being jerked back and forth and who knows how many times he is going to change his mind. Some people just have issues. Link to post Share on other sites
cooldude123 Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 You are way better off without him. He is very very immature. The acts that he is doing is usually done by females (No offense) since they are the relationship checkers. He is too dammn crazy / egoistic / or just does not know what he wants. Like the other poster suggested he may have a brain tumor. The only thing that is applicable to you at this time is for you to GO completely DARK and do not initiate any contact with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rose13 Posted July 16, 2018 Author Share Posted July 16, 2018 We were together 3 years and I spent the majority of that 3 years believing I was with the person I would marry. Things started to fall apart in the last few months and we were constantly arguing. The last couple weeks were really bad before he ended it and I had to move out. He didn’t contact me for a week and then sent me a long text and said it was all my fault for not fighting for him and told me I was weak. Is it really my fault? I didn’t want to break up but was trying to be respectful of his wishes. Now I feel so guilty and regretful. It’s been just 2 weeks now and I haven’t heard from him really at all Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Was what your fault? We need more information. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 No it's not solely your fault. Things were so bad you had to move out. Now for him to say that you didn't fight for him is ridiculous. It's immature & attention seeking on his behalf. Since you know he's playing games & being mad at you for failing to read his mind if you are inclined to engage I'd say something like: I had no idea you wanted me to "fight for us." You can't get mad at me for failing to read your mind. If anything this is your fault for not communicating. This isn't the hill I want to die on however. I would like to work with you to overcome our problems. Please meet me at [pick a neutral public but quasi private place] & we can talk. Best wishes. I hope you get the outcome that is best for you in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rose13 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 After a long term relationship where you were the dumpee did your ex ever talk to you again for any reason? If so, how long did it take? How many people never heard from that person again? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 My college roommate has been married to her HS sweetheart for more than 25 years. They broke up senior year of college for a while. Next month I'm going to the wedding of 2 HS sweethearts who broke up through college & got back together in their mid 20s The common denominators above are absent in your situation. Both couples were young & then reconciled after they grew up & matured. I still speak to many of my EXs, not routinely but if I bump into them we exchange pleasantries for a few minutes. There is no constant contact; we are not connected on social media; we don't send holiday or birthday cards. Break ups happen for valid reasons. There is a fundamental incompatibility that drives the couple apart Unless those problems are addressed & corrected the relationship can not be rebuilt. This guy is all over the place. Get out. Stay. Fight for us. We're done because you didn't fight for us. Yet will all of his drama & inconsistencies you are still thinking this is your fault or you can fix it. Why? Where is that coming from? In your shoes I'd be thrilled to be rid of a guy who can be consistent or communicate clearly what he wants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 After a long term relationship where you were the dumpee did your ex ever talk to you again for any reason? If so, how long did it take? How many people never heard from that person again? I "talk" to all my exes. Sometimes it took a while to reconnect (2 years or so), some I was able to talk to quicker. But, for a long term relationship (for me, over 5 years), it took at least a year to regain some semblance of a friendship. Though we don't exchange birthday cards or anything, or social media. Cordial would probably be the best way to describe it. I have always heard from the other person again, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
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