Back again...

[Michael 93]

Guys, my first post on here in about 4 years! I have been back following this forum now for the past few weeks after going through what I can only describe as rocky roads with this chick I've been seeing, & I'm struggling a bit today, felt it was time to make a return

 

I have only ever loved 2 girls in my time, and the first time I was heartbroken this place really helped me, albeit all those years ago.

 

Gonna try condense this down as much as possible for you guys, I have being seeing this girl since the start of this year, we both work together as managers for a large national company (albeit on different parts of the business, but same building) I have displayed interest in her since I started the job and it took me a a year before we officially sealed the deal, you know how things get (ex boyfriends, life etc etc)

 

I'm going to be as honest as possible and say I have had a major case of one-i-tis with this chick, we had a break around 3 months in, she kinda dropped me to be honest, citing she wasn't ready for a relationship, and that things were moving fast, we were pretty much a couple in how we behaved and the relationship I had with her family, friends, I always had a gut feeling that something wasn't right, she would always make excuses for meeting my family and taking things further in the RS.

 

I was told following on from me and her the first time she tried to give things a go with her ex (of 3 years) and that she f*cked him...

 

I implemented NC, blocked her off all social media and started hitting the gym, It was extremely difficult but after around a month or so I really started to see improvements, and so did everyone else, I went on a few dates, as difficult and as much as i wasn't interested, I felt it was the right thing to do.

 

Lone behold, she came back, saying how much she had made a mistake and because of her previous relationships and family issues etc etc she always pushes people away that are close to her and care for her, and that she was sorry and she missed me, she did a complete 180, she met my family (pretty much all of them) and really made an effort to prove to me how much she wanted it and felt this time would be the right time, things had been great up until the last few days.

 

shes been off with me the last few days, snapping, constantly moody, not showing any affection, I asked her what was wrong and her response was "Will u stop asking me questions please" just been generally really offish with me and distant, this kind of boiled over yesterday and I ended up snapping, I told her that I didnt need this kind of drama and that the way she is being isnt fair, on either me or her...

 

Her response was "I don't know the reason I'm being the way I am, If i did i would tell you!"

"I'm just scared, I don't want to hurt you, I just don't think I'm ready for this right now"

 

We spoke briefly, I got my things out of her house, we hugged and I left, I'd had a couple of drinks, she text me asking if id got home ok, i tried to call her a couple of times and she cut the calls, that was the last I heard.

 

Before you guys say anything, I know it was brief description but yeah 'Majorly weak'

 

I haven't spoken to her since or attempted to contact, she has removed all pictures of us off her social media, I haven't blocked her as last time we broke up I did and I felt very petty and immature afterwards. She seems to be loving life with her Snapchat stories etc etc

 

I'm conscious I work with her, just wanted your guys advice on how to move forward, I really want to be away from this and happy, but feel at the moment like that's a long way away, very rare I am like this, I wear my heart on my sleeve and this time its really come back to bite me, I am just happy I have found this site to stop this happening again in the future!

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

Thanks

[Zahara]

GI haven't blocked her as last time we broke up I did and I felt very petty and immature afterwards. She seems to be loving life with her Snapchat stories etc etc

 

This is why it is advisable to block after a break-up so that you don't end up going through Round 2 as you've just experienced. It has nothing to do with being petty or immature -- it is actually the healthy and mature thing to do when you self-preserve and prioritize your healing because staying witness to the events going on in her life is only going to keep you stagnating.

[frigginlost]

 

I was told following on from me and her the first time she tried to give things a go with her ex (of 3 years) and that she f*cked him...

 

I implemented NC, blocked her off all social media and started hitting the gym, It was extremely difficult but after around a month or so I really started to see improvements, and so did everyone else, I went on a few dates, as difficult and as much as i wasn't interested, I felt it was the right thing to do.

 

Lone behold, she came back, saying how much she had made a mistake and because of her previous relationships and family issues etc etc she always pushes people away that are close to her and care for her, and that she was sorry and she missed me, she did a complete 180, she met my family (pretty much all of them) and really made an effort to prove to me how much she wanted it and felt this time would be the right time, things had been great up until the last few days.

 

shes been off with me the last few days, snapping, constantly moody, not showing any affection, I asked her what was wrong and her response was "Will u stop asking me questions please" just been generally really offish with me and distant, this kind of boiled over yesterday and I ended up snapping, I told her that I didnt need this kind of drama and that the way she is being isnt fair, on either me or her...

 

Her response was "I don't know the reason I'm being the way I am, If i did i would tell you!"

"I'm just scared, I don't want to hurt you, I just don't think I'm ready for this right now"

 

We spoke briefly, I got my things out of her house, we hugged and I left, I'd had a couple of drinks, she text me asking if id got home ok, i tried to call her a couple of times and she cut the calls, that was the last I heard.

 

Before you guys say anything, I know it was brief description but yeah 'Majorly weak'

 

I haven't spoken to her since or attempted to contact, she has removed all pictures of us off her social media, I haven't blocked her as last time we broke up I did and I felt very petty and immature afterwards. She seems to be loving life with her Snapchat stories etc etc

 

I'm conscious I work with her, just wanted your guys advice on how to move forward, I really want to be away from this and happy, but feel at the moment like that's a long way away, very rare I am like this, I wear my heart on my sleeve and this time its really come back to bite me, I am just happy I have found this site to stop this happening again in the future!

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

Thanks

 

Take note of her words, and you will find where her head is at. It's not you. She's damaged goods, and that will not change. Her Snap stories are nothing more than a cover. Don't buy into it. It's weak on her part, and she's doing it on purpose. If it makes you feel any better, this chick is going to pull the same "excuses" she used on you with the next fellow that comes along.

 

You're head is on straight, so do your best to keep it there. She is definitely worth blocking as she's pretty immature.

 

Again, don't buy into her "my life is rosy" bullcrap, because that is exactly what it is; BS.

[overcome]

Michael,

 

I agree with Zahara and frigginlost (nice nickname btw).

 

Move on from this one. She is damaged goods. Your heart says no but this time you have to be logical. You gave her the benefit of the doubt and that's okay. It just didn't work.

 

And always listen to your gut. We know when something is off. When someone is upset. When something is just not right. I've had that same feeling many times before and I've been right almost every time. My gut says something is wrong and soon after, the relationship ends.

 

Nothing wrong with blocking an ex. It is healthy and is designed for you to heal. I don't want to know how my ex is doing. I wish her well since she's a good woman but she just lost interest. It happens. But it will only set me back to see how she is doing. You have to do the same.

 

Go back to the gym. I am. Go on dates. I am. Do the thinks you don't want to do because you're heartsick. Force yourself and soon the pain will ease.

[Michael 93]

Thanks guys for all the response

 

Update- starting getting fed up of the constant posts on social media, selfies, jokey videos with friends, bull**** posts etc, wanted to try and remain as alpha as possible by keeping her on there and showing I didn't give a f*ck

 

Figured it was only going to delay my healing and keep me focusing on something that didn't require my energy...

 

 

So I blocked her

 

Not sure how i feel, don't want to give away any sort of power to her but it was the right thing to do for me.

 

Checking in.

[Michael 93]

F*cked up....

 

Made a dreaded mistake yesterday guys, went out to watch the game, ended up getting mortally wasted.

 

Bumped into one of my best friends and his Mrs (we used to go out as a 4 now and again after I introduced my ex to the group)

 

After a little bit of chit chat, my friends girl started talking to me about the ex, how she knew i shouldn't have trusted her, seen her texting lads etc (really p*ssed me off aswell cause id had a few sherberts) and telling me how she had been messaging saying they should all get together and go out, asking if my best friend can go and drop her off somewhere, like wtf?

 

I reacted, I bit. And I feel such a fool.

 

I text her

 

Me - "Can you please stop trying to organise things with my friend group, and asking for favours off my mates, sort ya own s*it out with your own people"

 

Her - Ok Hun

 

Me - D*ckhead

 

Her - Grow up

 

I'm expecting a roasting here from u guys, and deservedly so... Never have I cracked before and text.

 

Feeling very very stupid.

 

Have a lot more anger for this b*tch this time round though.

[overcome]

No need to roast you. You know you screwed up.

 

One question. Why do you still have her number? You have to delete everything! I have no way of contacting my ex except to send her a message on FB (though I unfriended her the first day we split). Other than that, I deleted everything and went as far as to throw out every single gift she ever got me. I don't want that sh*t as a reminder.

 

I don't want to know how she's doing, what she's doing, how her life is...etc? She's just another face in the crowd. I'm doing this to heal myself not because I hate her. In fact, she did nothing wrong except lose interest. But it's for me.

 

You should be doing the same. And you can't let something like this get to you. If it does, then go talk to a friend, family member, or a therapist. You just set yourself back but you can still move forward from this.

[N2017]

I feel for you. Yeah all those lines about how they're not ready and don't want to hurt you are bull.

 

I was seeing this guy and for the longest time he said he didn't want to be official and didn't want to see me anymore because "he didn't want to hurt me" and "he was confused" and "he didn't know what he wanted". Fast forward around a year later, I start dating other guys who give me major PDA in public and I still talk to him, but then he starts telling me that he only wants me and he doesn't want me to date anyone else and I'm perfect and I'm the only girl he thinks about.

 

It's funny how that works. But oh, if you want to know how it ended, I got tired of him and he was very lame at making out and stuff. This is the guy that made me feel like if I ever lost my virginity to him that it would be the most mind-blowing wonderful sex. Anway, he got all mad, telling me how "we're not even dating", and then left. I literally laughed at him when he left.