DonEladio Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) I went through a horrible breakup two years ago and everyone on here told me to "move on," "go NC forever," and "to be alpha and shag everything." I did that for five months and was completely miserable. I went against all advice and was relentless in getting my ex back and now we are married. Do what you need to do to get your ex back. Don't look back and wonder. And if it doesn't go your way, at least you tried. Quit hanging on to your pride, and go get her or him back. Edited July 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeKid101 Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) Good for you. You are the exception, not the norm. Most people who break up do not get back together and get married. When someone dumps you, 9/10 times it’s because they are not in love with you anymore. You cannot change feelings. Now, do I believe you have to go NC forever or right away? Of course not, but you can’t keep chasing someone forever. Anyway, good luck to you and I hope your marriage lasts. Edited July 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Estuaire Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 Can you fill us in on the story of your reconciliation? Link to post Share on other sites
Mac0908 Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 The way this was posted and worded was wrong. 95% of the time it's probably a bad idea to take your ex back, and the other 5% is only in cases where the breakup was due to certain circumstances IMO. You gave no information at all about what happened with you and your situation. Let's say my ex cheated on me but wanted to come back. Let's say my ex was an absolute lunatic and dumped me for a ridiculous reason. You'd tell me to not look back and wonder? You'd tell me to do what I could to go get her back? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 I too would love to hear your story OP! As others have mentioned, I highly doubt it's always advisable or possible to get back with an ex. If you do, you allow yourself to be liable to the same problems which caused the breakup in the first place. Or you end up allowing yourself to be treated as a doormat in order to fit the relationship, which I fear is the case here. If you want an ex back (whether you be the dumper or the dumpee), you really need to have a good think about why the relationship ended, and whether that can be fixed without crossing your own boundaries and treating yourself as a doormat. If feelings have faded for the other person, it's game over. Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 Actually, I've known quite a few (young) couples who broke up first for a while (in some cases for a year or more) before eventually re-uniting and getting married. I believe it all depends on the circumstances that lead to the break-up and the couple involved. In most cases, they all lived and still socialised in more or less the same areas! Some maybe there IS something to be said for 'in sight, in mind' ......... Looking back I'm pretty certain now I could, had I made a concentrated effort, have gotten back with some of my exes! Thing is, though I didn't really want to. In contrast, a friend of mine was absolutely determined to get her ex back and in spite of things not looking too hopeful in the beginning, she eventually succeeded in doing so, and they're now happily married! The royals-William and Kate are a classic example of this! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 He did say he did NC for 5 months.. I'd bet that if he had gone after her right away they wouldn't have gotten back together.. So you are a success story for going NC... It either ends like yours did or you move on to someone else, either way a win.. What doesn't work is not giving time needed to heal before you can come back together.. What also doesn't work is groveling and losing your self respect, doing NC gives you that back.. Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 I went through a horrible breakup two years ago and everyone on here told me to "move on," "go NC forever," and "to be alpha and shag everything." I did that for five months and was completely miserable. I went against all advice and was relentless in getting my ex back and now we are married. Do what you need to do to get your ex back. Don't look back and wonder. And if it doesn't go your way, at least you tried. Quit hanging on to your pride, and go get her or him back. Though I'm happy to hear that its worked out for you, my experience is that a dumper will always and without fail dump again. I don't try to get a dumper back, and I strictly do not recommend it. But I'm glad your the exception, and that you're happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 He did say he did NC for 5 months.. I'd bet that if he had gone after her right away they wouldn't have gotten back together.. Completely agree with importance of NC. However, no harm in being seen out and out, having a good time and being in demand. Has a way of making folk realise what they're missing and could potentially be about to lose! (Exactly how Kate -and many others-got William back!) Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Come back here in 5 years and tell us how great you're doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I don't understand. Are you suggesting that if everyone does what you did they'll have the results you had? Doesn't seem reasonable. If you're the one who messed up a relationship, by all means do what it takes especially if the person is receptive and has told you what they need from you. If they have asked you to leave them alone though, you should respect that. And if they broke up with you for other reasons, respect that. NC never threatens anything. If you and an ex are meant to be together it will come around again when you both are in a better place. Space and time provides clarity: whether the clarity is moving on and realizing the former relationship served its time or realizing a real second chance is desirable. More good will come from going NC than not....I learned the hard way, believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Come back here in 5 years and tell us how great you're doing. This was my first thought! Must be the cynic in me, but I've seen people crash and burn after trying with an ex again, even if it happens only later down the road... Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 This was my first thought! Must be the cynic in me, but I've seen people crash and burn after trying with an ex again, even if it happens only later down the road... They're in the honeymoon phase after a rocky relationship that was so dysfunctional it would make most failures posted on this forum look like they could last a lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
Victoria Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Appears the OP has been absent for a bit. If the OP would like to re-open this thread, please hit the Alert Us button and ask for moderation to open it back up. For now, the thread is closed. Thank you, ~V Link to post Share on other sites
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