sheila89 Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) Hi everyone, This is a long and somewhat complicated story and I could really use any advice/guidance/wake up call, etc that someone has to offer. Background: my fiancé and I have been together for almost 10 years, engaged for over 2 years. Throughout our relationship we have had many ups and downs, just like any relationship. We had troubles in our relationship in the first two years when he felt he was not being loved enough by me and felt the need to seek one night stands with two different girls. I was young and immature at the time and forgave him for it, and we moved on. Throughout the next 5-6 years, we built an amazing relationship – lots of intimacy, good memories made and many successes. We both graduated university, bought our first car and most recently our first home. Once we moved into our home, things changed…fyi we lived together in his moms house for 3-4 years prior to buying our house. I sometimes think our house is cursed, but hey. Anyways, after moving in to the house, he expected me to fulfill the same role I had when I was living at his moms house. But what he didn’t realize or accept is I (we) both had ten times more responsibility now. More expenses, more cleaning, more independence…aka adulting. Things started to get bumpy again, and he claimed I was not being intimate enough or initiating intimacy as much as him and it made him feel like he wasn’t good enough and all of this. Shortly after, my mom got diagnosed with cancer and that added another and completely new stressor to my life. I was there for her so much.. taking her to appointments, talking her through things, constantly communicating and seeing her almost every weekend..I was a total wreck. Well, he then felt that I wasn’t there for him enough during this time, and about 4 months after my mom was diagnosed he decided he needed to get attention from someone else. He has been in an intimate/romantic(?) Relationship with this person now for 6 months. I caught him with solid evidence once..and I should have left him then…. I didn’t…I caught him again after he told me he cut everything off and I believed him….(am I an idiot or what??)… and now again, after a huge blowup, him staying at his mom for a few weeks, he came back to apologize and say he wanted to work on things and blah blah blah… but again I know he is still with her. is wrong with me? How did I not leave him immediately? I just need to grow a backbone and leave him because I know I do not deserve that, I am much better than him. I am truly a genuine person, of course I have my flaws as does everyone, but I treated him with nothing but respect for the past ten years.. however he fails to recognize it. Someone please give me the motivation and confidence to do what I know I should do…. ☹ Edited July 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 Throughout our relationship we have had many ups and downs, just like any relationship. You're kidding, right? You had WAY more "ups and downs" than other relationships! Most other relationships, if one person cheated, that would be IT. Dumped. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. But you've let him off... how many times? Not "forgiven", but just let him off the hook with no consequences whatsoever! I guess he keeps on doing it because he knows you won't dump him and you'll take him back no matter what he does. It's worked so many times in the past, why wouldn't it work again and again? If you stay with him then this is what your future will look like. He will keep doing it again and again. Please, prove him wrong! Don't talk to him ever again! You're wasting your life and your youth on someone who has absolutely no respect for you. One day you will wake up and wish you could have the years back. Unfortunately you can't... but what you can do is to stop throwing good time after bad! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) Throughout our relationship we have had many ups and downs, just like any relationship. Relationships have ups and downs but cheating isn't an up and down. It's a dealbreaker to most, even worse when it's happened more than once. You already know what to do and you know you should have done it a long time ago. The reason why he does it to you is because you have taught him that you have no self-respect and will tolerate poor treatment. You've respected him for 10 years but you've never respected yourself. If you want to turn a blind eye, then expect to continue being treated badly but if you want change, walk away and never speak to him again. This is a choice. Edited July 5, 2018 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 He sure knows how to blame u for his actions. Lol he doesnt get a bit of attention during hard times and he has to cheat on you. You are dating a man child. He isnt a man u wanna build a life with Link to post Share on other sites
overcome Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Peg, You have to get out of this one and fast. You may feel it's hard because the amount of time invested in the relationship but that's irrelevant. This guy cheated on you three times now? Once would be more than enough for me and it should be for you. We all make mistakes in life and perhaps it just took you longer to learn this lesson. Remove everything that is connected to him. Go NC. And whatever you do, do not talk to him about working things out. It's over for good. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 You know what you have to do. Now you just have to do it. I know who you wanted him to be but that's not who he is. You have to recognize that he is not your fantastic loving partner but rather an immature cheater. Armed with that knowledge, get an STD test & get out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 It is never the same after cheating. Some people can block it out, but on a subconscious level it is never the same again. Only people who are truly into open relationships, MUTUALLY, can get past cheating without the relationship changing ans upsetting the power balance. You exist to serve him and his pathetic insecurities; sure I am sure he loves you as a person, but he is either just not in love with you and/or, he is not capable of true love the same way most people are.... I stayed with me ex after he slept with hookers and chatted dirty to many other women - I actually let him use hookers as I have no self respect and assumed that I was just letting him do what all other other women's bf's WISH they could do....... It all got better after he left me! The best is yet to come. For you. Link to post Share on other sites
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