What do his messages mean?

[Stilltheone88]

Hey everyone

 

I’m currently Day 14 into a breakup of a 15 Month relationship, I was the dumpee, and I’ve only started to be able to function and do things for myself in the last few days. I took the breakup really badly to begin with but managed to refrain from begging and pleading, my initial approach was to reason with him but he was sticking to his guns. The breakup was over a culmination of things but ultimately it was down to one final argument which he said he couldn’t move on from.

 

The relationship was amazing for the majority but in the last few months I think we’ve both suffered with our mental health and we’ve neglected each other. He was always head over heels with me and I was with him but I perhaps kept my cool and it drove him crazy. He could be quite clingy and insecure but I put that down to him being freaked out by how strong his feelings were for me (he’s always been very casual in relationships from what I can gather). We talked about marriage, kids and everything. In the last few months I felt him pull away a little and it started to drive me crazy, I started to feel jealous and clingy and the balance totally shifted.

 

Part of me is wanting to start moving on but I also adore him and want to give it another chance.

 

After initially trying to reason with him I decided to go into NC. Since then he’s been contacting me pretty much every day. He says he hates himself for what’s happened and he blames himself for changing me into an anxious and clingy girlfriend which I’ve never been before! He says he misses me. I ignored it for 24 hours and then replied asking him to expand on what he said about blaming himself, and he said sorry he shouldn’t have text and it went sour again.

 

Then he texts me on Friday night asking if I am going out into our local town, I didn’t reply and blocked him because I didn’t want drunken contact from him. Saturday afternoon I unblocked him and found a voicemail from him saying he needs to talk to me so I called him back and it was a really quick phone call about a formality to do with a trip that we have planned (I couldn’t avoid this call really due to financial reasons). He said he’d been ringing me and texting me all day and why was I ignoring him, I just said I’d been busy (sticking to NC!) I think he was expecting more out of this call but I stayed really cool and pleasant but didn’t enter into any conversation about the relationship or breakup.

 

Now Sunday night I get another message saying he hates what has happened, and that he hates that he’s cooking dinner for one and how depressed he is. Again, I’ve not replied 24 hours later and I’m just so confused. I can’t just block him because there’s still formalities that we need to sort out and part of me doesn’t want it to be over for good. I think that we’ve both needed time to sort our heads out but he is still the one I see myself with.

 

What does everyone think about the contact he’s made?

[preraph]

Not to nitpic, but no contact means cutting off all avenues of contact and every way of him seeing your social media or you seeing his. So this isn't no contact. It's just limited contact and will do nothing for you as far as healing.

 

So get whatever financial ties or whatever you're talking about ended with him and then really go no contact unless you think there's any point in delving back into the relationship, which if there's no reason to think anything will change, is just a waste of time unless you decide it's worth it as is without change. Good luck.

[PegNosePete]

Yes, do you even know what NC means? I think you need to read the NC guide thread. It means "no contact", but you have been having lots of contact, so what you're doing is nowhere near NC!

 

If you want to get back with him then you should start a conversation about that. don't beat around the bush. But, listen to his answer and take it as final.

 

Sort out your financial ties ASAP.

[Stilltheone88]

Yeah I suppose I’d not looked at it that way. Here’s me thinking I’m doing really well by ignoring his messages haha! To be fair I haven’t actually responded to anything other than the urgent one about the trip, we’re not friends on social media now and he’s sent me several messages that I haven’t replied to. I’m scared to block him as the messages he’s sending give me hope, but I suppose that’s quite pathetic and do more harm than good.

 

If you actually look at what he’s sent me I somewhere think I can see he’s starting to maybe regret his decision?

[PegNosePete]

If you actually look at what he’s sent me I somewhere think I can see he’s starting to maybe regret his decision?

You can speculate and guess and try to find subliminal clues that may or may not be deliberate... or you can just ask him and find out for sure. I'd go with the latter.

[CantTakeMySmile]

I am wondering why you would not just ask him if he wants to reconcile and if so, how do you both do that in a way that would benefit you both.

 

 

 

I believe asking a question is the most direct way to get a direct answer.

 

 

Waiting to answer a text is just playing a game. Most people I know see their phone A LOT, so if that is your case, he knows you are just ignoring him. Why ignore him, unless you really just don't want to speak to him again. Why ignore him just to ignore him?

[stillafool]

I am wondering why you would not just ask him if he wants to reconcile and if so, how do you both do that in a way that would benefit you both.

 

 

 

I believe asking a question is the most direct way to get a direct answer.

 

 

 

I wish more people would realize this as it's the easiest way to find out what is going on. Why they don't is beyond me.

[CantTakeMySmile]

I wish more people would realize this as it's the easiest way to find out what is going on. Why they don't is beyond me.

 

 

 

I don't understand it either. I never have. I just can't wrap my mind around why one would not ask what they want to know, instead of trying to decipher actions/tones, etc.

[OldSoulB]

I wish more people would realize this as it's the easiest way to find out what is going on. Why they don't is beyond me.

 

Exactly my thoughts. I sometimes feel like people don't grow out of the "teenage period" when it comes to relationships.

 

As for Stilltheone88, it sounds to me like you have a big ego for you to ignore him when he is trying to admit to his faults and apologize. You want to tilt the balance in the relationship back in your favor because you get a high from him being the needy one and you love the attention.

 

Get over yourself.

[Stilltheone88]

Ah, oldsoulB, what I’m very wary of is not jumping back into believing everything he’s saying because I did that last week and he turned on me and took back what he’d said! I think “get over yourself” is a bit harsh, this isn’t an ego stroke here this is wanting to tread carefully as I really want this guy back!