maxstirl Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Hello, so I broke up with my ex boyfriend six months ago and it was my first (gay) relationship. It got really ugly at the end. I called him names and he ignored me until I called it quits. We definitely we're both to blame for this break up. And although I broke up with him I just had the feeling that if I hadn't done it he probably would have done it a couple of days later. The next month we texted twice but only casual small talk with the exception of him stating that he was sad on our "anniversary". There were no text messages after that, I deleted his number (kept it on a piece of paper and put it at the bottom of a box) and tried to live my life. The first two months were horrible and I cried like a maniac but afterwards I slowly regained my composure and started seeing friends and having good days and laughs. I was able to function but of course the thought of him haunted me every day without an exception. These thoughts got exponentially less and sometimes I even thought to myself "I didn't think about him for five hours. Good for me" The thing is I always regretted the things I did at the end. Especially that we cowardly broke up over text. I mean he wouldn't have time to meet me for a whole two months up to that point but still it was an immature way to deal with that situation. So two days back I decided to break NC to tell him that I know that I participated in the downfall of the relationship and that I am sorry for the things I did and said and asked if he would like to talk about it and clear things up. I don't really expect him to answer and he of course has no obligation to do so. I don't know if that was a terrible mistake and I just ruined my path towards recovery but my gut just told me to do that and I guess it's a mistake I wanted to make instead of regretting not having tried to part more amicably. Suffice to say I feel like I'm back at square one but I feel like this time I have said everything that I wanted him to know. So unless he actually responds and wants to talk this is the last thing he will hear from me. I'll get rid of his number once and for all and ritually drown it in a lake or something. So I'd like to know if you have made any similar experiences. Have you ever broken NC and later on thought how stupid you were for doing that? Or did it help in the long run to tell your ex about your feelings and that you didn't leave things unsaid? I'd be grateful for any insights, shared experiences and stories of how you finally moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 why do you feel it was a bad idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxstirl Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 Well now I actually know that it was a mistake. He replied with: "I wish you a healthy and successful life. But please don't contact me again" I should've been prepared to receive an answer like that but now it feels like I've been broken up with all over again. I guess deep inside I hoped for a reconciliation by reaching out to him like that. But maybe this is the finality that I needed to be able to move on completely. Would still be grateful for any shared similar experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Yes, I made the mistake of coming forward on one to acknowledge my part in it years later, but then not long after that I thought about it some more and realized he already knew I'd just gone through a traumatic breakup when he insisted we be together and that he was the one sneaking around on me the whole time and wished I hadn't. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Well at least you know now that the break up is final and you won't have that anxious feeling that maybe if you guys just talked it will work out. Don't be too hard on yourself as rejection is not easy. Just start building your new life. Link to post Share on other sites
DevastatedJDC Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Well now I actually know that it was a mistake. He replied with: "I wish you a healthy and successful life. But please don't contact me again" I should've been prepared to receive an answer like that but now it feels like I've been broken up with all over again. I guess deep inside I hoped for a reconciliation by reaching out to him like that. But maybe this is the finality that I needed to be able to move on completely. Would still be grateful for any shared similar experiences. Be happy he responded - my ex hasn't responded to anything after ending our 11.5 year relationship via a phone call on Valentine's Day. I'd be happy for an f-off, never contact me again - the silence is deafening...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxstirl Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Thank you for your responses. Yes now that I no longer have any hope for reconciliation or a friendship or whatever it'll hopefully be easier for me to leave this behind. I don't know if I will ever not love him in a sense but I'm sure that I'll learn to live with that and be happy again. Wish me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I look at it this way. If you were able to love him even as things deteriorated, you can love lots of other guys! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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