Will NC work here? (it's complicated)

[tattoos]

Thank you for taking the time to read this. It's very long:

 

Essentially had a 3.5 year relationship with this girl, had ups and downs which is expected. She had left for a year for university during the first year we dated so we have done long distance. We've been through a lot. She ended up coming home and things had been great. I had made a couple mistakes, I wasn't there for her at times, I had been lazy, just things that turned her off. She eventually broke up with me in July of last year this is where things take a huge spin for what seems the worst at this point.

 

In September, I found out she slept with her coworker in August. We had broken up but continued to keep contact, share locations, and hangout. I had always wanted her back but she seemed hesitant at first because she didn't think I would change. (I know this is weird but this is what she wanted, she flipped out when I showed any signs of leaving). Eventually I questioned her about this guy and she admitted she liked him a little and eventually started running away after I had showed even more interest and fought harder for her. She then told me that she needed space. I gave space for a week and pleaded for her to come back. The guy had left because he discovered I was still in the picture. (He also got out of a relationship at the exact same time). She came back in October and I was determined to change. She seemed happy but always seemed a little detached. I did as much as I could, I mean I busted my behind for the woman. She ended up leaving again in February and kept contact with me until I found out about the guy again. She lied and said she just needed time to herself to figure this out and that the guy was not in the picture. We hungout throughout March and pretty much I was cutoff in that time. She said we could no longer hangout because of him. It wasn't right. I was always second place in a way it feels like. Now it is June. I have begged, pleaded, lost self-esteem, confidence. Everything. She answers calls, listens to me, tells me she still loves me, thinks about me, doesn't think that it's the right time for me and her right now so I respect it. And then 3-4 days pass and she'll make random excuses to call me and speak. About a week ago I had committed to actually doing NC the right way since I have broke about 5 times. (She's tough man.) She called me about an incident and I answered and really just showed I didn't care for the first time ever. She freaked out and called me 3 times at 6AM. I then left it alone told myself to keep moving. And out of the blue she called again two days later trying to contact me about another issue she's having. I answered and stated how I felt in terms that she only wants me when I leave. She said that she's unsure of her decision and "what's meant to be will be" and that she still has trouble moving on and that she thinks about me all time and it's just really hard because she seems sure but then says things that give me hope. But she won't change her mind and she said her and this guy talk about feelings and that it's not as casual as it was before. I just never know if she's trying to make me jealous or what's happening. I want her back but at the same time I'm having doubts. I don't know if she'll leave this guy if I go complete NC because it seems like they're perfect. The most I've gone without speaking to her for the last 3 months begging is 2 weeks.

 

Please. Is there any hope here? I know i'm on the fish hook. I just don't know what to do.

[Marc878]

Quit being your own worst enemy.

 

Cry, beg and plead just makes you look weak and unnattractive plus it lowers your status.

 

You chase they always move farther away.

 

Let her go.

[springy]

Yes NC will work to help you get over this individual who has been stringing you along all this time. Snap out of it man she is keeping you around to boost her ego. That is not love. You deserve better.

[d0nnivain]

NC will not do what you claim to want -- bring her back.

 

NC is designed to help you heal. It's not an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" technique to manipulate somebody into missing you.

 

More importantly this chick CHEATED on you. She's a terrible untrustworthy person. Why on earth do you want her back? Do you enjoy being lied to & played for a fool?

 

5 breaks ups? Can you say dysfunctional? Just let this one stick already. Cut her out of your life & don't look back.

[JDJ]

Is her body perfect? Is the sex to die for? Does her face belong in a museum?

You have failed to explain why you want to remain on the hook for this person who has treated you like a dirty worm.

[sdraw108]

About a week ago I had committed to actually doing NC the right way since I have broke about 5 times. (She's tough man.) She called me about an incident and I answered and ... <snip>. And out of the blue she called again two days later trying to contact me about another issue she's having. I answered and ... <snip>

 

No, you did not do "NC the right way". If you had, then it wouldn't have been possible for you to answer the phone to her, or for her to call you in the first place!

 

I just don't know what to do.

 

Do NC the right way.

 

Then start focussing on rebuilding your own life, without it being about her in any way at all. That includes all the usual things that people will advise: gym, work, friends, hobbies, staying out of the house, etc.

 

Stick to all of the above like your life depends on it. After some time, none of this will be a problem any more because (a) you will have healed from her, and/or (b) you will have met someone better.

[ExpatInItaly]

This relationship sounds very immature.

 

She is always on the look-out for your replacement, and you have lost all your dignity by begging her to come back. You are a place-holder for her until she finds the guy she wants to commit to, whether it's this specific guy or not. So no, No Contact won't have the effect you want. She doesn't have the right feelings for you anymore.

 

This has run its course.

[tattoos]

This relationship sounds very immature.

 

She is always on the look-out for your replacement, and you have lost all your dignity by begging her to come back. You are a place-holder for her until she finds the guy she wants to commit to, whether it's this specific guy or not. So no, No Contact won't have the effect you want. She doesn't have the right feelings for you anymore.

 

This has run its course.

 

It was very immature. After reading all these I guess she's gone for good. She had treated me very well. And I feel like she would just leave if she was for sure committed to this guy. She told me they aren't committed and that she just second guesses a lot. I do want to move on and find happiness for myself. Just couldn't bare losing someone who I genuinely tried to fix things with. I felt as if I disappeared she would realize. But apparently there's no shot. I'd like to keep everyone updated on this. All of your advice has really helped

[ExpatInItaly]

It was very immature. After reading all these I guess she's gone for good. She had treated me very well. And I feel like she would just leave if she was for sure committed to this guy. She told me they aren't committed and that she just second guesses a lot. I do want to move on and find happiness for myself. Just couldn't bare losing someone who I genuinely tried to fix things with. I felt as if I disappeared she would realize. But apparently there's no shot. I'd like to keep everyone updated on this. All of your advice has really helped

 

This is flawed logic. If you need to disappear for someone to take interest, you're barking up the wrong tree.

 

You are going to be much better off without her.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

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She's playing you like a yoyo, keeping you around,

While she sleeps with whoever all through the town,

Just let her go, she's using you and getting other dudes too ,

Don't change for someone who doesn't even like you!