My ex is giving mixed signals...I think?

[DAFeb2014]

So my ex broke up with me in October (we were together 4 years), however we were still seeing each other on and off until March when he moved to a different state, so it's really only been about 3 months since we stopped seeing each other. We still talk sometimes, he never starts the conversation but he always answers when I either call or text. Recently when we were face timing he said I looked cute and asked if guys ever hit on me at work or school. I said not really but i'm not really open to it anyway and than asked if he hit on girls and why he was asking. So than he told me he's been actively trying to flirt with girls and that he's looking to "just have fun" with girls but he hasn't had any success yet. I didn't tell him but it hurts my feelings that he told me that he's moving on already after 3 months and I guess i'm not sure why he even decided to tell me. I'm wondering what the motive was and if he's just playing with my emotions.

ps. he still comes to me about things he doesn't talk to his family or guy friends about. Which this also confuses me since he broke up with me and I've always been clear that I want to still be together.

[Zahara]

He’s using you as an emotional crutch until he meets someone new. He’s telling you that he’s trying to flirt with other women because that allows him to manage down your expectations/hope but still keep you on the side as well as whatever benefits he thinks he needs from you.

 

He’s moving on and you should too. The first thing you do is stop being accessible to him and cease all contact. It’s the only way to start your healing.

[preraph]

He asked you that because he WANTS you to move on, so he found out if you were and then you said you weren't, and he said he was moving on.

So you need to move on. Now, he's moved so he may be leaning on you a bit because he hasn't got anyone close there yet, but you should be the one to cut that off and move on and not let that little strand of friendship keep you hanging on when he's been clear about it. And you must realized that he's warned you. He's outright told you, so anything you do with him, you are doing knowing this, so in a way, he has unburdened himself of any obligation to you and freed himself up if he should want to just sleep with you casually or anything like that. He's told you. You shouldn't even do that because if you do, you're doing it with the full knowledge that he's not serious or anything and all you're doing is accepting a lot less than you really want out of desperation -- and he'll walk away guilt-free because he told you.

[springy]

He’s using you as an emotional crutch until he meets someone new. He’s telling you that he’s trying to flirt with other women because that allows him to manage down your expectations/hope but still keep you on the side as well as whatever benefits he thinks he needs from you.

 

He’s moving on and you should too. The first thing you do is stop being accessible to him and cease all contact. It’s the only way to start your healing.

 

Agree with this.

 

Also - you say you made it clear that you wanted to be together but have accepted fwb, and now long distance friendship in spite of him not wanting to get back together. Now he may believe you’re ok with giving gf benefits without his commitment. You have accepted less than what you really want.

 

It’s best to cut ties if you aren’t on the same page so you can get on with your life. He knows you’ve put yourself on hold for him despite his decision to not be exclusive. He thinks you aren’t going anywhere so he can carry on as a free man and keep you on the side, as he’s experienced no consequences for the breakup. This is the best of both worlds (for him). Unfortunately there are people who will take full advantage of a situation like this. The kinder behavior would be to for him to leave you be since he is unwilling to recommit to you. Now he’s not even hiding his desire to chat up other women despite the fact that it could hurt you. Truly though, he may think you’re OK with this since the relationship seems to have carried on as if you never broke up.