Girlfriend dumped me because of my best friend

[Adamer]

Hi.

 

 

So for first, this is gonna be pretty long story. Please help me anybody

 

I WOULD REALLY WANT TO THANK TO EVERYBODY WHO READS ATLEAST BALD!

 

tl;dr = you can only read BOLD to get the story

Sorry for my english

 

 

 

Im lone person. Girls have never really been attracted to me, only from time to time..the uglyier ones, but im not ugly, im not confident. Im pretty shy in real life, im not good at making new friends, even boys. So i figured out that the best place to find love is online. Online dating isnt that popular in this country. It took me around year until i met someone who i really liked, who liked me. It was her... She is really my type.

 

 

My mind or hearth is somehow blocked, because of relationships in the past. I always fall in love with someone, who doesnt love me back, so i made this block so i can get to know this person for real and then fall in love. It was this time when it happened first. I was shocked, we were however together. I cryied becouse i thought that she would take it really badly. So i cryied, drove to her at night and said the truth. She told me that it isnt that big of a deal, that she didnt felt that "chemical bond" with anyone in the past and it isnt really needed when you TRULLY LOVE. Which i did, i loved her, but wasnt feeling "chemicals" YET.. but i knew that theese feeling will kick in sooner or later, and was thinking that she is in this stage too.

 

 

 

So after some time, i really felt in love, chemically, with her. I felt it really deeply. But then things got really fuc**ng bad... We were out drinking with my schoolmates, also with my best friend. She was cold, so i grabbed my suit and gave it to her around shoulders... She threw it away and later she was wearing my best friends shirt... whole night... Now since iv already got chat what they were sending to each other... i know that this was the first time she was feeling something for him... After that, we arrived to my house and i asked what was that all about... She cryied really bad, that she is really bad person... later i literally pulled out of her mouth, that she is feeling towrads him something... I cryied like hell... Next day, i wrote to my best friend (that she felt in love) about what happened, it was my close friend. But her, she told him truth, that she has feelings towards him. He reacted pretty well. He told her that he has to stop chatting with her... But he didnt... he continued....but after week or a couple of days, she told me that it was nothing, that it was just some "threath to our relationship" that it was occasional, she seemed to be talking truth basically, i believed her (there was more what she told, to change my mind...)

 

 

 

Well in the chat that i got now were pretty messed up things... Things like Her:"Its reall paint to be with him and still think about you" also her(ex):"Im really sad that i cant chat with u when im with him" him(my friend):"Have you ever thought how would things be if i was on the dating site instead of him?" It seemed that he likes her. He is kind of a person like me, lonely, sad has same humour like me etc. But he is taller, more handsome etc. I think he was just lonelly, but then why didnt he just chat with me? I dont know what to think about it... even in the first place, he did not feel in love with her, why didnt he tell me what she told him? I didnt knew that she told him about her feelings... Even after that, there were occasional texts where she really was typing like she is in love, he knew whats going on, but didnt told me anything, he was keeping it secret. Even though i said to him, that i would like the truth more, than not knowing... Even after that he remained silent.. I was susspicious about them for following 2 months. I wanted to see what they were typing to eachother... I watched every detail. She started listening to Ed sheeran that she hated before (my friend listened to him), was online, but were ignoring my texts when she was drunk (she was talking to him, ignored me) even little things like that facepalm iphone emoticon that she never used (my friend used it alot)... So i wanted to see what they were texting to each other. So my friend sent me all of it from the beggining... UNTIL she told him that she loves him and not me. Iv knew that somehow, and wanted more of it. They told that there was nothing... If there was nothing, why wouldnt they sent it to me? So they gave it some kind of weigth... and i knew it... And they both said in that chat that i know it...

 

 

 

Then after 2 months i did not know anything about her the entire day... She told me that she was feeling depressed (she was taking antidepressants, but was reducing ammount, because of me)... so i drove to her to make her feel better when im with her... Then it seemed suspicious again to me. I asked her if she was feeling this way becouse of my best friend... She eventually said yes... Then i was angry, we were discussing it for a while and she basically tryied to tell me that we dont have that much in common, which isnt really true, we have alot in common, she was/is just in love with him. He just listens same music genre as her, thats basically it. And is more handsome, taller etc.... so she initially told me that she wants to have a pause in our relationship. I did not accept it, since its always "ill **** with him, and then get back to you" and it wouldnt even solve that problem for her "that we dont have same thing in common"... So she told me that we are better of as friends.

 

 

 

I cryied... Like... ALOT... It was 10000x more painfull when i cryied becouse of her feelings for the first time. I was closed in my room for a week, didnt want to look at my parents since they already knew her, and would be disappointed... I lost 5kg, was crying in bed 24/7 and sleeping. I even cryied to my parents afterwards... Im even now feeling the same way, but it isnt so bad anymore, but i think about her and my friend daily, i cant even sleep becaouse of it and im really big sleeper. I mean, i slept for 2 hours last night goddammit... Im feeling nervous and in love with her.

 

 

So after a week, i got up to pc and chatted with them. I somehow wanted to see what was going on after that chat that theyve sent me in the past. Now there was nothing in way, so why not to send it. They did not want to, even though i really asked them politelly and even multiple times... Nothing. They said that it was personal, but i had the right to know, what was going behind my back. Anyways they said that there was nothing right?...

 

 

Nope they just didnt want to. So after a couple of days i got over it somehow. Then she was out, drinking with her best friend. So after that, i texted her(her friend). I asked about her honest opinion about this. She told me that she doesnt get her, she told her that she was so happy with me... .But then added that it is really pitty that she cant be with my best friend, and that it is really ugly from him that she gives her chances... I was like... really?! (I didnt have chat at this time) She was like "yeah, she is always telling me things about him". And even this time, they were drinking, she was online every 10 minutes, but ignoring my text... Of course she was talking to him!... I got really angry, i did not trust any of them. Ironically i trusted more her, than to my friend. Just she felt in love with him, he was not connected to this dirrectly... And even though i trusted her more than him after this... And the only thing that would change my mind is the entire chat after she told him her feelings.

 

 

 

 

Nope, they did not want to send it even now. After some drilling, digging, bothering, she sent it... because she did not want to talk about it anymore, i was basically annoying her. But... She sent it, she told me truth, ... She also added that they were also out drinking behind my back, when we were together... And then he invited her to her home, to see some romantic movie... But there was nothing, no sex or so.. i think i can trust that there was nothing (more sources)... So i was like, fuc**ng devastated, angry, cryied etc. Did not sleep, drove to her in the morning since the only thing that always seemed to make me feel better were her hugs...

 

So we went talk about how they acted towards me, how my friend acted... I was mad about both of them, but i kinda understood her situation, it was hard for her... But my friend knew it all! He didnt loved her! He didnt do anything! He didnt help me when i was in need!.... Later we sat in local pub where he joined us... i was crying... He did say that he made mistake, but i did not want to forget him (i eventually did)... After first joke that they have made when i was crying, i stood up, and gone away...

 

 

Next day some of them said me that they were continuing with drinking, and after that, they have been to the cinema... To movie that he already seen... Like, why the f* would he do that if he doesnt have feelings and takes her just like a friend?

 

 

 

I blocked them a couple of times to remove them from my life, but it is still hard for me to remove them from my life. I eventually added them back, i basically forgave them because i liked them.

 

 

He isnt that kind of fuc* boy, he is really smart person, something like me (ego up)... But he acts like douche right now...

 

 

It is their own thing, but i told him that if he takes me like i take him, like a close friend that i really like and tell him all about my life... I asked him if he could be honest with me and say me everything, especially if he falls also with love for her. He accepted that, said that i will be the first person to know it. He said "I would want to be with someone like her, but not her... I dont feel love towards her, but i dont know if it would change in the future, it can come by itself"

 

 

 

Well yesterday they were out drinking again... And then... Well she was again at his house... but this time she was sleeping there. Dunno if there was something, he said that he was sleeping on the couch and she was sleeping in his room, but i dont know if i can trust him?

 

 

This is way over the line if the truth is that he doesnt feel anything else other than friendship towards her... Why would he do that? Yes... she accepts it, she wants it, but why he does it? I wouldnt be mad if they were out drinking from time to time, but this really gets on my nerves...

 

 

 

I cant delete them from my life, i got nobody else, im loner, but i also like her, i know that they are good people... She is, but i dont know if he is... I think i will have to remove him from my life, but i want to keep her, since she texts with me, talks to me like with friend, she makes some effort, he does not. Even though it gets on my nerves that i see her texting to him, likes him more, i have to get over this.

 

 

However i didnt block him or something. I have him in contact list, so he can text me everytime he wants, but he doesnt do that, she does.

 

 

 

What would you do now in my situiation? I said him that he was acting wrong, but he did not accept that, also said that it is only about friendship between them, nothing more. And also they are both saying that it is their thing, that i dont have to know it... But..:

 

 

1. I cant remove them from my life entirely, i could remove him, but its hard since im loner and wouldnt have anybody else

2.I dont want to see them together since it would destroy me...

 

 

So they could be atleast honest with me so i can remove them from my life asap, and get on with my life...

 

 

What do you think? What would you do? Would you talk to them? Do you agree with what he is doing?

Edited June 10, 2018 by Adamer

[preraph]

You need to stop overthinking it and just realize she chose him over you and is dating him. Neither of them have any obligation to keep you up on what goes on between them. I'm sorry it happened to you, but it doesn't sound like you had anything except friendship with her anyway, or at least that you'd acted on other than confessing, which she didn't reciprocate your feelings. Even if he dumps her, she's not going to default to you except as a friend, and that only if it's not awkward, which it seems it is very awkward at this point with you demanding to see what they're doing, which is really none of your business at this point. They're dating. If you don't want to be around them together, then don't, but the way you're pleading for information isn't becoming and seems obsessive.

 

You need to focus on someone new.