Anyone else having a hard time knowing that your ex is with someone else?

[Vanity1]

How did u overcome feeling worthless and replaced?

Share your stories.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

For me, therapy and leaning on my faith/worth in God. I have not 100% overcome it, but those things have helped me immensely. I also try as hard as humanly possible to never have to speak to him face to face or even hear his voice, or see his woman. We co-parent teenagers, but I thank God for texting and emailing!

[carhill]

Accepting that we're interchangeable helped. Letting go of the stupid family programming parents married for life gave me. Accepting the real. People are who they are and do what they do. Realizing navigating the minefield of other's feelings won't make me die any easier or better than those who don't give a crap about who they hurt. What an epiphany. Heck, these days, save for enemies, I'm surprised anyone even remembers my name.

 

From my experience in life with women, there's always a bigger dick and fatter wallet and you betcha they won't pass up a good opportunity. Heck I don't blame them at all. Being who they really are. I admire that. I mean, why settle or compromise? Enjoy the power. It's a brief life.

[Beachead]

How did u overcome feeling worthless and replaced?

Share your stories.

 

I met someone who at the time was going through a rough patch with her ex. She got close to me and we ended up getting together and started a relationship. It was nice and passionate and we'd spend nearly everyday together. It got as far as her wanting to introduce me to her family and teling me she loved me. All the while, she wasn't truly over her ex and I could see it. I loved her and didn't want to lose her so I pretended the problem would go away on its own like the foolish person I was. It didn't and eventually I ended being forced into ending things because of it and she returned to him and cut me out of her life shortly after. That was last year in the summer. About 2 months ago, I found out she was marrying him.

 

It was brutal and yes, worthless was a good word to describe how I felt.

 

I journaled and I just let my thoughts flow onto paper. No formatting, no editing. Just freewriting. What's in your mind will eventually start to leak onto the paper and you'll see it. Over time, you'll also see patterns in your entries. I also found a therapist whom I could be completely honest and open to. I used Loveshack to not just share my experiences, but to also listen to other people's problems and help them. All of these tools helped me unload my pain, allow to feel what I needed to feel, and gain some insight and perspective. Over time, the wounds healed and I started finding the strength to get back to focusing on my life. At this point, I started going back to the gym, I switched from full-time work to full-time school and made some transformations in my life. As of late, I've even started to hang out with friends again (For a long time, I didn't).

 

Am I 100%? No. I won't be for a long time but I am well enough to focus and that's good enough.

 

Additional things I've learned are:

 

1. Let yourself feel the pain in its entirety. Don't filter it. Don't pretend to feel better than you do. Cry and get angry and feel it. It's okay to take some time for you as well. That's what I did.

 

2. Don't give up on yourself. Find a purpose in your life whatever it is. Something that is for you and that doesn't require the love of someone else. Make that dream specific and set goals. Lots of them. Short-term, mid-term, long-term goals that will help you achieve it. Write it all out on a piece of paper and stick it someplace where you will bump into it everyday. Everytime that pain and emptiness hits you, look at it, and remind yourself to stay focused. Why? In your pursuit, you're going to meet lots of like minded people. You'll achieve things. You'll start to rebuild your life and go in the direction of your heart. The more in line you are with your heart, the more at peace you will be in your mind.

 

3. Workout. Go to the gym. Go for a run or a swim. Do all three if you wish. Just generally incorporate physical activity into your life. The movement releases positive mood inducing chemicals which will make you feel better. Take care of your health.

 

4. Time. There is no set time it takes to heal. It could take a few months, it could take a few years. Don't rush it. Don't let anyone indirectly pressure you into rushing your healing process. Don't let them put deadlines on you. You feel how you feel. Let it be and let it flow. Things will happen when they happen.

 

This never failed me.

 

Best of luck

 

- Beach

Edited May 20, 2018 by Beachead

[Vanity1]

For me, therapy and leaning on my faith/worth in God. I have not 100% overcome it, but those things have helped me immensely. I also try as hard as humanly possible to never have to speak to him face to face or even hear his voice, or see his woman. We co-parent teenagers, but I thank God for texting and emailing!

 

Two weeks ago my cousin who knows that I’ve been struggling told me to ask God for something and to pick a sign. So I told her that I wish to be happy again and the sign I chose was a rainbow. After that I completely forgot about it, thought it was bogus I just said it to shut up her up really because I’m not that religious.

 

Today I was in a lot of pain to the point where I took my rosary and just spoke to God asking him to help me. A couple hours later I’m in the kitchen and my mom goes “ look it’s a rainbow” there was a rainbow hitting the marble counter, the sun somehow formed a rainbow on the counter. Coincidence or....?

[Beachead]

Accepting that we're interchangeable helped. Letting go of the stupid family programming parents married for life gave me. Accepting the real. People are who they are and do what they do. Realizing navigating the minefield of other's feelings won't make me die any easier or better than those who don't give a crap about who they hurt. What an epiphany. Heck, these days, save for enemies, I'm surprised anyone even remembers my name.

 

From my experience in life with women, there's always a bigger dick and fatter wallet and you betcha they won't pass up a good opportunity. Heck I don't blame them at all. Being who they really are. I admire that. I mean, why settle or compromise? Enjoy the power. It's a brief life.

 

I know a lot of men, including myself, who feel this way. You're not alone with those thoughts.

Edited May 21, 2018 by Beachead

[lifeofapirate]

How did u overcome feeling worthless and replaced?

Share your stories.

 

Yes, it was in college. It hurt so much. I was miserable for a bit.

 

I've been in a few breakups since then and I have learned that reminding yourself that you WILL feel better with time is very important even if it sounds simplistic.

 

A recent breakup really hurt, but I was able to get over faster because I would be hurting and then kind of tell myself, even say outloud, "In time I'll get over this."

 

Hope it helps.

[ItsJustMyOpinion]

Yes, I've been replaced before and left for other dudes.

 

If you think about it, most women are hardly ever single. Even if they are single, they usually have a couple booty calls whenever they need it. I'm sure this isn't gender specific but I am speaking from what I know.

 

Just don't think about it. Find someone who isn't willing to replace you. Just because 1 person didn't want you doesn't mean you are worthless!

[Happy Lemming]

...fatter wallet and you betcha they won't pass up a good opportunity.

 

This seems to be my experience, as well...

 

And I can back it up with a simple test.

 

Let's say woman #1 is talking to her best woman friend about a new guy she just met. What is the first question the woman friend will ask?? "What does he do for a living??" Thus the woman friend can compare her man's earnings/wallet to woman #1 new man's earnings/wallet.

 

There will probably be several follow up questions regarding his wallet, finances, possessions, assets, etc. before questions are asked about his appearance, age, etc.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This seems to be my experience, as well...

 

And I can back it up with a simple test.

 

Let's say woman #1 is talking to her best woman friend about a new guy she just met. What is the first question the woman friend will ask?? "What does he do for a living??" Thus the woman friend can compare her man's earnings/wallet to woman #1 new man's earnings/wallet.

 

There will probably be several follow up questions regarding his wallet, finances, possessions, assets, etc. before questions are asked about his appearance, age, etc.

 

Disagree. My best single girlfriend and I would ask the following, in this order:

 

Where does he live? (meaning, how many miles/minutes/hours away)

How old is he?

Has he ever been married/does he have kids?

What does he do for a living?

 

For me, asking anyone about occupation (male or female) is solely to learn more about them as a person. An actuary has an entirely different personality than a gym teacher, for instance. I would imagine, anyway. One's occupation just says a lot about them. Not all women demand a wealthy man. Financial responsibility and strong work ethic, yes.

 

It has never once entered into my head to compare a friend's date's job to my date's job to see which one makes more money And I would never ask anyone about finances and assets. That is just rude.

[Vanity1]

Guys, I was never happy with this guy you know.

So my sadness or whatever I'm feeling I'm questioning if it's even real?

 

 

So confusing.

 

I can go anywhere and pick up better guys, better looking, more money, good morals. I can get that- and I just push them away like an hungry tiger because they make me sick-

So what is my issue

Edited May 24, 2018 by Hurtx10

[lana-banana]

This seems to be my experience, as well...

 

And I can back it up with a simple test.

 

Let's say woman #1 is talking to her best woman friend about a new guy she just met. What is the first question the woman friend will ask?? "What does he do for a living??" Thus the woman friend can compare her man's earnings/wallet to woman #1 new man's earnings/wallet.

 

There will probably be several follow up questions regarding his wallet, finances, possessions, assets, etc. before questions are asked about his appearance, age, etc.

 

I really couldn't disagree more. Asking "what does s/he do for a living" is a completely normal question, especially in cities. Like CO said, it's just a polite way to learn more about a person. Almost all of my friends are married now, but when they were single and met someone I would ask what they did for a living, how they met, and if they had plans to see each other again. It has nothing to do with "sizing someone up". I literally can't imagine leaving my husband for anyone or anything in the world; if I wanted sex and money, I could do that myself. My husband is the only man I want at my side.

 

Ideally, we only meet other people when we're single and ready, but real life tends to be messier than that. It's not about being "replaced". Contrary to the sentiments expressed above, I don't think many people feel partners are interchangeable. A good, loving relationship is worth more than gold, and people cherish that.

 

I think leaving someone for someone else more common as you get older, because once you hit a certain point you get comfortable, even with bad situations, and it takes a lot to upend your life. Most people aren't willing to rupture an existing relationship unless they think they've met someone they believe is worth the pain.

 

Think of it this way: would you rather be left for someone else, or have your partner say "I would rather risk dying alone surrounded by ramen and cats than spend another day with you"?

[Vanity1]

You ever wonder why the bad one durning the relationship ends up happy, and you're the one end up hurt and struggling while they are moved on and happy.

 

It seems like bad/selfish people win right ???

[heavenonearth]

Sort of.

A boyfriend broke up with me, then i found out it was because he was cheating on me with his ex. They ended up not dating tho.

 

It was still a ****ty feeling and it added to my plethora of abandonment issues.

 

Schema therapy has helped.

[CrazyKatLady]

we never know what life has in store for us. we all run the same race with the same end result (for the most part). so, how does anyone win over anybody else, in that regard?

be magnificent and to heck with the selfish people you once knew...we never know when the roles will change or what is waiting up ahead, all I have is now...and it's better than nothing...cheer up, maybe something fantastical is waiting for you up ahead!

[CrazyKatLady]

all the time...all the freaking time.

And I thank my lucky stars that I didn't end up with them either! Thank goodness they were better or smarter or prettier or more stable or more exciting...because of it...I have come to love my quiet, goofy, immature little corner of the universe where I exist, so much better than they ever would've. And we deserve the best. why wouldn't we?

[preraph]

Maybe they don't have any feelings for other people. Or to a lesser extreme, maybe they simply weren't invested or weren't serious, so they didn't lose anything and just kept doing what they're doing. It does suck and we've all noticed this phenomenon. I like to act my way through it so they at least don't get the satisfaction of thinking I'm moaning over them ever again.

[ItsJustMyOpinion]

Simple rule of thumb: If they aren't with you, they're most like with someone else. No point in whining over it.

[Vanity1]

I don't know why it's bothering me so much.

I know this guy is a compulsive liar, a cheater, a leech, ect ect...so what exactly is bothering me when I know he is no good? And I know the new girl will get the same treatment.

 

I'm hurting and I don't know for what? I wasn't happy, I got treated like poop.

Idk if what I'm feeling is even real. I just know I'm sad about something.

 

 

Share your feelings ☺️

[carhill]

Mating isn't rational.

 

If the guy is half as unhealthy as you suggest, I'd be thrilled that an ex left me to be with who she really wants to be with. Gift!

 

I wasn't super perturbed about my exW moving on but she was living with the guy before we were divorced so maybe a little hard time accepting it. Decent guy though.

[drdre]

I don't even know if my ex is with someone else yet but I'm having a hard time even with just the thought of it. Since the break up a couple of months ago, I've been going out with as many new women as possible in order to try to move on and when I think about how she is possibly doing the same thing I get sick. I try to not let my imagination wonder too much but it's hard.

 

You're not alone.

[GoreSP]

I don't know why it's bothering me so much.

I know this guy is a compulsive liar, a cheater, a leech, ect ect...so what exactly is bothering me when I know he is no good? And I know the new girl will get the same treatment.

 

I'm hurting and I don't know for what? I wasn't happy, I got treated like poop.

Idk if what I'm feeling is even real. I just know I'm sad about something.

 

 

Share your feelings ☺️

 

Like Carhill said, it's not rational.

 

I feel the same about my ex though I called the police on him two weeks ago.

 

Our relationship is still recent-ish and he is still trying to get narcissist fuel from me.

 

I am still dealing with the fallout of his gaslighting, lying and manipulations. Deep down, there is a part of me that worries his now relationship with whoever is going to work out somehow, meaning he was right when he was saying I was unreasonable and had nothing to worry about and that the relationship failed because of me and my stupid anxiety.

Edited June 4, 2018 by GoreSP

[d0nnivain]

Your EX is toxic. Sometimes you realize this but most often you are so desperate for affection & to be part of a couple you seem willing to overlook all the rotten things he does.

 

You really don't miss him. You are simply sad, a little lonely & longing to be loved. We all like to feel special & being in love is glorious. However, you need to learn to love yourself 1st.

 

With all this free time you have now that you are single again, do things to bolster your own self esteem. Read some self help books. Exercise. Stop focusing on him & take care of yourself.

[Beachead]

I don't know why it's bothering me so much.

I know this guy is a compulsive liar, a cheater, a leech, ect ect...so what exactly is bothering me when I know he is no good? And I know the new girl will get the same treatment.

 

I'm hurting and I don't know for what? I wasn't happy, I got treated like poop.

Idk if what I'm feeling is even real. I just know I'm sad about something.

 

 

Share your feelings ☺️

 

It's a longing to be loved. Loneliness.

 

You loved them. So you see the good in that person no matter how crappy they treat you. You wish they could be that person you want them to be, but they're not. They are who they are and you can't change that. So you mourn not the loss of them, but the loss of who you thought they were and the hope that they would change. You also mourn the time you feel you lost.

 

I had an ex who left me last August and returned to her ex. She cut me out of her life a few weeks later and eventually married him a few weeks ago. This was after telling me she loved me, how she was serious about us etc.

 

I often still think about who I thought she was and I miss that person but that wasn't her at all. Nonetheless, I still miss her.

 

- Beach

Edited June 4, 2018 by Beachead

[magnesium]

My ex is married to someone else now.

 

When I was with her, I found out late she was a drug addict and narcissistic.

 

I wish I got her out of my life sooner, if anything.