Abortion breakup

[mol91]

Hi there. I will try and keep this as brief as I can.

 

Last year my boyfriend and I went through an abortion together. I was adament that I did not want it and begged him not to let me go through with it but he insisted that I do. I did not want to bring a child in to a one sided decision, so I went ahead and had the abortion.

 

I went in to a deep depression after it. Not long after, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. I did not feel ready but I loved him and thought we would be happy together.

 

While we were living together, he tried his best to be supportive but the grief after the abortion got the best of me. I was very tearful and emotional and it was a lot to deal with. To the point I was terrified of him dying and would panic if he was even at work.

 

This understandably got to him after some time and pushed us to the point where he wanted to break up. I broke down and begged him not to do this because I could not deal with the loss of the baby and him.

 

He was adamant and left that same night, saying he was not changing his mind. My emotions got the best of me and I overdosed. When I got out of hospital, I had an email from him saying he had called our estate agents and we had a month to get our things from our home. I replied emotional and begging for him back but he insisted this was the end and that I no longer contact him about the relationship, only about getting my things.

 

I've lost the baby, him and now our home. He won't talk to me no matter how much I try to speak to him. I understand why he has broken up with me and I think it is what I deserved after what has happened but I am struggling to deal with all of this without him.

 

I am clinging on to unrealistic hope and I just want to be able to be okay and let him be but I am struggling.

[stillafool]

I know a lot of people who have broken up after an abortion. It is usually the guy who no longer wants to go forward after a while. Just take time to heal from all of this. You will be okay.

[bathtub-row]

Look, you made a choice that you obviously regret but it’s one that simply cannot be undone. For whatever was going through your mind at the time, you felt justified in that decision. I hope you can remember that. Instead of continuing down this dark path that leads to nowhere, why don’t you use this knowledge and experience to help others? You can speak from experience and influence others.

 

While I’m of the belief that a woman’s right to choose is hers and hers alone, and that right should never be taken away from her, I do think women need to give a lot of thought to taking this course of action because it almost always has harsh results for her emotionally.

 

Personally, I think part of the reason you’re reacting this way is because you feared that your bf would silently blame you and think less of you. So, crying and overindulging these emotions is just another way of saying he was right, that you should’ve listened to him. The truth is, it was your decision and you made it. How much consulting of other parties do you think men would do if they were the ones who had to carry a child in their bodies for 9 mos and be mostly responsible for that child? I’m pretty certain they’d insist it was their right.

 

I think you need to take a deep breath, reasses what you’re doing, ask yourself why you’re on this path, and regroup. Find yourself and your strength again. You never know, if your ex sees that you’re a new person he may reevaluate things. But he won’t do that as long as you’re in this state of mind. It’s time to pull yourself out of the mire and get back to being you.

 

If it helps, perform a private healing ceremony for you and the baby. It might give you some peace of mind.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Have you gotten counseling for this? If not, now's the time.

[amaysngrace]

Thank goodness you didn't have a baby and build a life with this man and can be free of him! You deserve so much more than he's willing to provide.

 

I hope one day you'll see that and I hope you feel better soon xo

[preraph]

Listen, this is not a problem YOU caused. This is grownup problems two people have who didn't agree on things and therefore shouldn't have been making babies, which i'm sure you realize now.

 

Don't take the blame for this. You are having depression from the abortion, and it's continued and it's kind of morphing into new problems. So you need to go get some therapy and guidance about it. Get back on your feet.

 

He is not in any way ready for the responsibility of commitment or a child, so you need to face reality and just let him go. He just wants to have fun, but in the process, he made a baby he wasn't prepared for. He's still not prepared, so you need to let him go. You have feelings and conscience and you need to talk to someone who will understand. i recommend a psychologist. If you can't afford it, then see if there's an abortion grief counseling group online. Try not to get and stay mired in it though. Having more people involved can sometimes just keep the grief fresh.

 

You might call a women's shelter or somewhere like that to see if they have any suggestions for support on the issue.

 

I think once you accept he's not someone you need to be with because of these basic differences, and you only have you to deal with and no pressure, you may do better. I hope so.