she liked someone else

[Reem]

Hello, it’s my first thread here or any love forum so i thought i’d give it a try seeing as i’ve been dealing with issues for a while now.

 

Basically, i met this girl online and we happened to live 30 minutes away from each other. We started dating 3 years into the friendship. Our friendship was/is extremely strong. 2 years into dating, the relationship started being toxic from both sides and there was a lot of emotional abuse from her side and things started going downhill for us.

 

We’d argue a lot, so one day out of insecurity i asked her if she still loved me as much as she did before which she told me now that that pushed her away from me because of all the stuff that we were going through so that was her last straw. A couple of days after, an argument happened and she was emotionally abusing me and being manipulative so i made her aware of what she was doing to me so she decided to end it between us to “protect me” and my feelings. around 1 week after that she came to me telling me that she’s starting to develop feelings for this guy that she met online and they met in real in her house in another country while she was on a vacation, They ended up talking the entire day, stayed up on the phone the whole night and held hands and hugged.

 

fast forward, i booked her a ticket here and made her stay for us to discuss it so she agreed and came back. we’d make out and act like we’re in a relationship when we weren’t, she’s initiate it and sometimes i would, wed sleep together and wake up together. One year later now we’re in a relationship together but i still can’t seem to get over the hurt i was through. i still cry when i think about it.

 

She asked me if what i thought she did was cheating, i answered her with a yes and she took it personally, saying that we weren’t in a relationship to begin with during that period but she was still in love with me and i really don’t know where i’m going, i really just wanted to vent.

Edited May 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[fromheart]

She emotionally abuses you and goes with another man. You have to ask yourself why your with her?

[d0nnivain]

I'm having a hard time following the time line here. Is this right?

 

You met on line.

 

You were friends for 3 years then you started dating.

 

You dated for 2 years then things became toxic. You were arguing a lot & you claim she was emotionally abusive.

 

She broke up with you & 1 week later told you that she had developed feelings for a different man she met on the internet. I'

m

not sure where in there she met him & hung out with him while on a vacation in another country.

 

Another year has now passed & you are back together but you can't let go of the fact that she cheated with this other guy.

 

Does that sum it all up?

 

You view her interactions wit the other guy as cheating. She claims you weren't together at the time. On some level it's semantics because right or wrong, you still feel betrayed.

 

So the upshot is what do you want? At this point, you have at least 6 years invested in this woman, with 3 of them being dating. Do you want to move forward to an engagement? Do you want to punish her for being with him? You can't turn back time so that's not an option. Nothing can happen until you figure out what you want to happen. I suggest that you hanging on to all the bad stuff is poisoning you. So either break up or get past it.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

In your culture how do relations proceed and how is betrayal and infidelity viewed and addressed?

 

Is this kind of tumultuous interaction pretty normal for you?

 

FWIW, I have everyday interactions with MW's (far more legally committed than your girlfriend) which equal or exceed what you described and they in no way consider such interactions infidelity or inappropriate. Why? Best I can tell from listening to them is that if they don't 'feel' or 'act' sexual or include sex, it's not infidelity. How do you feel about that? Successful relationships are about meeting of the minds. Some guys are good with the dynamic I described. Others aren't. I've experienced many flavors of perspective in life. You?