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Ex sending mixed signals


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Old 14th May 2018, 3:26 PM   #1
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Ex sending mixed signals

I broke up with my ex because I was bringing issues from my old relationship into this new one. I have major trust issues due to being cheated on, being physically abused, mentally- everything bad you could think of.

We broke up for two weeks, but we would still talk, id always ask if he was seeing someone and he would say no. our conversations and contact were short. Eventually, after two weeks we hung out like old times and he said he loved me and wanted to work on things. I told him we would see what will happen to take things slow, but he knew I was so into to him and really wanted to work things out. He invited me out for the weekend to go out with him and his friends but I didn’t hear from him, he avoided my text. Until he sent me a text the morning he came back from the bar with him and his friends where I was suppose to be. He texted me saying... “ it’s the little things you do that are hard to find in other ppl this is either the end or the beggening for us”.

We went from spending everyday together him always putting me first to him ditching me and avoiding me then him sending me breadcrumbs like that text.

So I asked a mutual friend if she knew anything and she said he spent that weekend with some girl named Patricia and that Patricia said they have been seeing each other for three weeks!!!!So I went on Facebook and found out who she was. I was pissed At him for not telling the truth and leading me he continuously said he loved me. So I contacted and told her that he was playing us both. He found out yelled at me and told me to leave him the f alone.

So I left him alone for a week and a half until he sent me a text letting me know that he was getting surgery, I texted him hope everything goes well he never replied till three days later sending me a face and that’s it. Bread crumbs basically. Then he called me and we hung out had drinks, he told me he loves me and would end things with everyone that he would drop everything and everyone. Mind he would never say he was with anyone specifically he would never say “her” he would say “everyone”, know what I mean?

That was a lie. Because again I barely heard from him! And when I did hear from him I’d ask him if he was in a relationship he would just hang up the phone on me after having a normal conversation. He’s in a relationship with her! He chose her.

I’m over it! I moved on and a month after I noticed I kept getting missed calls early in the morning 2,3,4,5 in the AM. I actually woke up to one of those calls 3am and it was him! He found out I had slept with a mutual friend and was tripping asking me how many guys I actually slept with and asking things that shouldn’t matter at this point. He would freak out get mad at his own assumptions and hung up the phone on me then call back. He seems really hurt that I’ve with other ppl and again he said he would leave her for me, I told him I was seeing someone and was happy and he’s bitter and acts like I'm in the wrong for moving on already ( even tho he moved on even before we spilt so what does that make him)?


I told him I was happy again and would love to be friends he agreed but Every time he talks to me it’s disrespectful he doesn’t ask how I’m doing he just snaps and says things how unclassy I am for moving on that I’m seeing this guy just for attention and a relationship is not what I need, that I need to grow up. Or when I tell him what I did that day he assumes I’m with a guy and accuses me of having sex with him. Everything I do, I must be getting be having sex that’s all i do. Just because I started having sex with someone else he assumes Im just doing it to distract my self from him when I’m legitimately into this new guy.

I blocked him again because I don’t need that I been through so much with my other ex. I tried having a normal convo like how you been how’s your summer going he won’t say anything but be snappy and disrespectful- all he brings up is sex and who I’m having sex with. I’m like is that all u care about ? I had sex with someone because I emotionally connected to him not for any reason.

Why’s he being so complicated ? Why can’t he be normal?

What’s his deal?

He wants to know who I slept with meanwhile he only just now started to admitting to this new girl and won’t even talk about his new relationship!!!!! But he can talk and ask me anything

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 15th May 2018 at 7:49 AM.. Reason: language ~T
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Old 15th May 2018, 2:41 AM   #2
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He found out yelled at me and told me to leave him the f alone.

So I left him alone for a week and a half
Seriously? After a week and a half you thought "oh I'll forgive him, he's probably just had a bad day or something"? If someone cheated on me, I would not talk to them EVER AGAIN. Especially if they told me to leave them the fudge alone. They would be dust in my rear view mirror.

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Why’s he being so complicated ?
Huh...? Seems to me that you're the one inviting drama into your life, by allowing yourself to be treated like dirt. If you want simple then the answer is so easy...

Just NC this idiot, and in future don't hang around with people who are obviously jerks.
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Old 15th May 2018, 9:50 AM   #3
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I don't understand what you're doing. YOU broke up with him. You don't get to dictate who he dates or when anymore, and you don't get to take priority of his Friday night when he wants to go out with his friends. Yes, it hurts he moved on so quickly, but I suspect things were pretty rocky prior to this actual breakup, so meeting someone with no drama was probably just nice.

What's with all the breadcrumb discussion? What do you want? YOU broke up with him...you want him to chase you and beg you, so you can shut down and shut him out stating you can't go out with him because you're too messed up from past baggage?

It seems to me that you're the one tossing out bread crumbs. You speak a lot about him not contacting you enough...what are you doing? If you want him back, are you reaching out to him? Are you contacting him? Are you trying at all? I mean, the guy had surgery and you blew him off. Then got hurt that he didn't contact you more. The guy just had surgery. This was your opportunity to take care of him and help him out.

You're in limbo - you have no idea if you want to be with him or not. You can't have both. You can't be his buddy. You can't be this "maybe eventually" girlfriend and expect him to sit at home, single, pining and waiting for you to come around.

You broke up with him, got upset about this girl, asked him repeatedly if he was dating, and then a couple months later, you're sleeping with a guy. You're broken up, so you don't owe him anything, but imagine how he feels, dumping him because you have issues, then quickly falling into bed with someone else. Mixed signals, you seemingly wanting to have a relationship with your ex, but not wanting to, upset he's not giving you enough attention and you seem to want him back, and then sleeping with someone else. You've derailed him. He's struggling too.

I think you need to go NC with this guy and work on whatever issues you have that are stonewalling this and future relationships, so this drama and pain doesn't repeat itself. You can't continue with this push/pull with your ex.
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Old 15th May 2018, 10:18 AM   #4
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All this drama BS is his normal. He's with her. Cut him completely out of your life. Block. Block. Block.
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Old 15th May 2018, 11:09 AM   #5
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He wants to know who I slept with meanwhile he only just now started to admitting to this new girl and won’t even talk about his new relationship!!!!! But he can talk and ask me anything
I think that is the key part.

Unless someone is open about their own life and offers some insight into their thoughts and feelings, then their contact isn't from a loving/caring place.

When people care for you, they want to tell you stuff, like what they have been doing. If they are only asking about you, that's for selfish reasons like maybe finding out info that will assist them in moving on faster.
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Old 15th May 2018, 11:36 AM   #6
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I don't understand what you're doing. YOU broke up with him. You don't get to dictate who he dates or when anymore, and you don't get to take priority of his Friday night when he wants to go out with his friends. Yes, it hurts he moved on so quickly, but I suspect things were pretty rocky prior to this actual breakup, so meeting someone with no drama was probably just nice.

What's with all the breadcrumb discussion? What do you want? YOU broke up with him...you want him to chase you and beg you, so you can shut down and shut him out stating you can't go out with him because you're too messed up from past baggage?

It seems to me that you're the one tossing out bread crumbs. You speak a lot about him not contacting you enough...what are you doing? If you want him back, are you reaching out to him? Are you contacting him? Are you trying at all? I mean, the guy had surgery and you blew him off. Then got hurt that he didn't contact you more. The guy just had surgery. This was your opportunity to take care of him and help him out.

You're in limbo - you have no idea if you want to be with him or not. You can't have both. You can't be his buddy. You can't be this "maybe eventually" girlfriend and expect him to sit at home, single, pining and waiting for you to come around.

You broke up with him, got upset about this girl, asked him repeatedly if he was dating, and then a couple months later, you're sleeping with a guy. You're broken up, so you don't owe him anything, but imagine how he feels, dumping him because you have issues, then quickly falling into bed with someone else. Mixed signals, you seemingly wanting to have a relationship with your ex, but not wanting to, upset he's not giving you enough attention and you seem to want him back, and then sleeping with someone else. You've derailed him. He's struggling too.

I think you need to go NC with this guy and work on whatever issues you have that are stonewalling this and future relationships, so this drama and pain doesn't repeat itself. You can't continue with this push/pull with your ex.
Well. I did break up with him because I had an intuition about him talking to someone else as he was acting off but because I had nothing to really base that of off or proof i thought it’s just my insecurities. He gave me the impression that he wanted to work things out so I stuck around till for three weeks till I found out he was getting to know someone else. I was replaced. All I wanted was for him to be honest about what was going on.

After finding out he was seeing someone else, leading me on and telling me to F off, I wishing him well with his surgery was really nice of me. She took care of him he stayed by her place for the week, if he wanted me to help he has zero shame in asking me but he didn’t .


He moved on lead me on. I’m not the bad guy here.
But I’m no so innocent he had caught me talking to other guys while we were together, just texting. That’s why I’m so forgiving I guess. After he saw texts from other guys he said the texts weren’t so bad and that he could forgive me and we could start fresh.

Last edited by Hurtx10; 15th May 2018 at 11:51 AM..
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Old 15th May 2018, 11:58 AM   #7
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I think that is the key part.

Unless someone is open about their own life and offers some insight into their thoughts and feelings, then their contact isn't from a loving/caring place.

When people care for you, they want to tell you stuff, like what they have been doing. If they are only asking about you, that's for selfish reasons like maybe finding out info that will assist them in moving on faster.
Right?
I was so excited to talk to him again my ego was a bit hurt but I could’ve put that to the side and just talk like normal. I kept telling him to talk normal or not talk at all.

I apologized for contacting that girl and said I moved on too and felt happy again. He was still angry that I cheated on him while we were together. And all he wanted to know was how many guys- I hung out with other guys never had sex he doesn’t believe and that’s alllllllll he wants to talk about. I tell him I went to a lounge “ oh you probably f’ed him” meanwhile he just assuming I was even withy a guy. And we connnot have a normal convo. So I told him to talk normal or not to talk at all. Why does it matter what I did during the relationship he wasn’t any better at all.
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Old 15th May 2018, 4:29 PM   #8
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Why’s he being so complicated ? Why can’t he be normal?
So, this guy has physically assaulted you, cheated on you, spit in your face, verbally abused you, violently shoved you in his car and kept you hostage in his home, and god knows what else, and you're asking why can't he be normal? What does he have to do to you to make you understand and accept that this man who has continuously treated you horribly is not changing and this is who he truly is.

Why is he being complicated? His behavior is far from complicated. He is dangerous and unhealthy for you.

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What’s his deal?
What's your deal? Why are you so desperately needing his approval and acceptance?

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He wants to know who I slept with meanwhile he only just now started to admitting to this new girl and won’t even talk about his new relationship!!!!! But he can talk and ask me anything
Of course. It is because you have exhibited to him that you are under his control NO MATTER what he does to you. The man can shove you violently in his car, spit on your face and you'll be more than happy to let him back into your life.

Hurt, you need to figure out why you believe you deserve to be treated poorly. When you start working on valuing yourself, you won't want someone like him in your life. Until then you will be seeking his validation and in that process, chip away at your already broken sense of self.

And "friends" don't do the things he's done to you. So, that whole "friends" concept is just another way to appease the man and keep him in your life. He needs to be completely out. It's a choice.
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Last edited by Zahara; 15th May 2018 at 4:32 PM..
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Old 15th May 2018, 6:22 PM   #9
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So, this guy has physically assaulted you, cheated on you, spit in your face, verbally abused you, violently shoved you in his car and kept you hostage in his home, and god knows what else, and you're asking why can't he be normal? What does he have to do to you to make you understand and accept that this man who has continuously treated you horribly is not changing and this is who he truly is.

Why is he being complicated? His behavior is far from complicated. He is dangerous and unhealthy for you.



What's your deal? Why are you so desperately needing his approval and acceptance?



Of course. It is because you have exhibited to him that you are under his control NO MATTER what he does to you. The man can shove you violently in his car, spit on your face and you'll be more than happy to let him back into your life.

Hurt, you need to figure out why you believe you deserve to be treated poorly. When you start working on valuing yourself, you won't want someone like him in your life. Until then you will be seeking his validation and in that process, chip away at your already broken sense of self.

And "friends" don't do the things he's done to you. So, that whole "friends" concept is just another way to appease the man and keep him in your life. He needs to be completely out. It's a choice.
When outsiders look at my situation they think I'm crazy for putting up with bad behaviour, he's trash, a druggy, can't pay his bills on time, a loser...and then they see his picture and really wonder what the heck is wrong with me. And I just see it as if he's so awful and" I'm so beautiful and great and deserve better" how come he can't see that???? Why am I getting treated like **** I think there is something wrong with me. That's the logic. If im so great why do these *******s leave me for unattractive girls with no jobs and do drugs.

At the end if someone tells me to leave them alone I do. But they contact me with bread crumbs and I could look past their ****ty attitude it just for them to be mean again. I just want them to be normal or not talk.
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Old 15th May 2018, 7:04 PM   #10
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Always remember that a lot of guys will happily juggle two or more women and see how long they can keep it going by telling them they love them or whatever. I'm sure he is going through some breakup blues, but he's wasted no time moving on and replacing you, so there you have the depth of his devotion. Just move on. Cut him off, at least for the next year or two until it stops stinging. He may always take the opportunity to breadcrumb you or pull your strings. i have one who does 40 years later. He wants to see if he still can.
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Old 15th May 2018, 7:16 PM   #11
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And I just see it as if he's so awful and" I'm so beautiful and great and deserve better" how come he can't see that???? Why am I getting treated like **** I think there is something wrong with me. That's the logic. If im so great why do these *******s leave me for unattractive girls with no jobs and do drugs.
Again, you focus on him. What's more telling here is that YOU can't see that about yourself and that is why you settle for someone like him. If you teach someone that you have no self-respect, chances are they will disrespect you. And YOU have consistently taught him that, and that you require little to nothing. He doesn't leave you for other women, he just uses women to get what he wants and likely circles back to those he knows he can manipulate.

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At the end if someone tells me to leave them alone I do. But they contact me with bread crumbs and I could look past their ****ty attitude it just for them to be mean again. I just want them to be normal or not talk.
Well, don't project your values and morals on others. That is a futile endeavor.

Why do you look past their ****ty attitude? Why your need for them to be normal?

You don't look past ****ty attitude especially when someone has constantly abused you. That’s just an indication that you have no boundaries. And you don't expect them to be normal when they’ve shown you that they cannot be who you want them to be.

Accept people for who they are and when they show you time and time again that they cannot be relied on or trusted, you need to walk away and shut it down completely. It is YOUR responsibility, not theirs. You don't sit around hoping the toad is going to turn into a prince. All you're doing is teaching them that you'll tolerate being treated poorly. And guess what, they'll just keep on treating you that way because YOU have not demanded much for yourself.

Last edited by Zahara; 15th May 2018 at 9:08 PM..
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Old 16th May 2018, 2:16 AM   #12
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When outsiders look at my situation they think I'm crazy for putting up with bad behaviour, he's trash, a druggy, can't pay his bills on time, a loser...and then they see his picture and really wonder what the heck is wrong with me.
Yes. What the heck is wrong with you that you allow someone like that into your life, and not only alow him in, but begging for his approval and allowing him to control you even after you broke up???

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And I just see it as if he's so awful and" I'm so beautiful and great and deserve better" how come he can't see that????
For all the reasons you just mentioned above. He is trash, a druggy, a loser etc. That is why he can't see that.

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Why am I getting treated like **** I think there is something wrong with me.
Yes. There is something wrong with you if you allow this guy to treat you like that. You should simply walk away from him and never ever contact him again.

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At the end if someone tells me to leave them alone I do.
So how come you're still talking to him? He told you not to talk to him. Yet a week and a half later, you're talking to him.

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I just want them to be normal or not talk.
Well being normal is not an option for him, clearly. So stop talking to him.
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