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He wants to get back with his ex

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Old 14th May 2018, 1:31 AM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2014
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He wants to get back with his ex

So I've dated this guy for 2 months and everything seemed good between us. He is 26 and I am 28. I was always there for him, always made sure he was happy and was very attentive to his needs.

He is inexperienced with dating/relationships and only had his first gf last year. She was an international student who came to our city for 8 months so their relationship lasted 8 months. They had to break up in december because she had to go back to her hometown to finish school.
We met 2 months after his breakup. He never mentioned her so I assumed it wasnt that serious between them.

Here are the problems we encountered during dating:

1) Everything seemed fine the first weeks. However, I started noticing that he would often ask me the same questions and he wouldn't remember what I answered.
2) He was over affectionate from day 1. Always wanted me to cuddle him and hold his hands, as if he he needed me to make him feel better.
3) He was a heavy drinker but it got worse with time... last week, he got so wasted when I was with him that he fell unconscious.

After 2 months of dating, he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore because he wants to get back with his ex.

That's when he admitted that they stayed in touch until he met me. He then stopped messaging her and he told me he thought he would get over her and forget about her by starting a new relationship with a new person. However, he said he started feeling depressed because they were not in touch anymore. He kept thinking about her more and more everyday. So he finally contacted her last week and told her he misses her and would like to get back together. She felt the same way, so he ended it with me 3 days later and said we can try to be platonic friends.

I asked him if he loved her and said "I dont know, I'm not sure". I asked him if he ever felt something for me and he said he doesn't know either, that he is confused.
I also asked if he wanted to give us a chance before going back to her, and he said no, that his decision was clear. However, just 4 days before, he said he couldnt wait to see me...

He wants to move 5 000km away to start a life there with her. He is willing to give up his life for a relationship that lasted 8 months and they've never lived together. It doesnt make any sense to me. If they liked each other so much, why didnt they simply start a long distance relationship until she finishes school?

Was I just a rebound? Or did he realize that she is actually a better match for him after dating me? Or is he simply inexperienced and delusional about his ex?

I feel used, betrayed, lied to get over him?

Last edited by vivi_angel89; 14th May 2018 at 1:39 AM..
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Old 14th May 2018, 4:09 AM   #2
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Yes you were a rebound.
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Old 14th May 2018, 4:46 AM   #3
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OP, you wont get many replies because site has been down for 2 months.

But I'm telling you there is nothing you can do here. It's normal to hang on and look for a solution but there is no solution other than to let go and move on.

I know it sucks to hear that and its ok to take as long as you need to get to that point.
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Old 15th May 2018, 10:50 AM   #4
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They broke up because she went home, not because he wanted things to end. He's so affectionate with you because he's desperate to feel loved. He misses her so deeply that the tactile sensations he gets from you are what's keeping him hanging on.

Alas I think you need to let him go. Even if he could get past his heartbreak, his drinking to excess is a problem.
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Old 15th May 2018, 8:55 PM   #5
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I'm sorry. What a shock. Look, he is "confused" on all fronts, and what that tells me is he probably has no real idea what love is and is just desperate for attention and affection. He drinks too much, sounds like. Just let him go. I'm sorry. I'm sure you can find one who is less confused and knows he really likes YOU.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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Old 16th May 2018, 3:34 PM   #6
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2 months is not a very long time to date, so it's probably a rebound. Also, they broke up because she moved away. Not because they fell out of love. So I'm not surprised that he still had feelings for her.
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Old 18th May 2018, 4:46 PM   #7
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Whenever you are romantically interested in someone, you should get to know them better, like take it slow, try to extract as much information as you can, so you know what you are dealing with.

He obviously hid the fact about his Ex-Girlfriend from you and I am also gonna assume that he was still in touch with her when you guys were seeing each other. He probably had a talk with her, which reinitiated his hope about the relationship, which is the reason he broke up with you.

Now bear the following things in mind :

- He used you like a piece of meat

- He wants you to stay in the back burner till he finds out what his Ex decides

- If things go south, he would magically be IN LOVE with you again

You have to really ask yourself, what your self worth is here, if you allow him to treat you like that, he's gonna play you like a football, kicking you all over the place. You have to put your foot down on this, cut ties with this guys immediately, block his number and begin the process of healing immediately, the longer you dwell on it, the longer its gonna hurt.

I would say take some time out, once you are healed from this, then you can decide whether you are ready for the next relationship or not and remember to take it easy, good relationships are built slowly, by getting to know each other first.
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