Dumper says she misses me!

[el.mariachi93]

Hi there folks!

 

I'm new here but I still hope you could all help me resolve my relationship dilemma. Hope you won't mind that my command of English may be off sometimes.

 

I'm 24 and have recently graduated from one of the top universities of Russia. I come from a poor suburb area and worked my ass off to enter this university, eventually disenchanting myself about the major I picked four years ago, so I'm kinda searching right now. I've tried teaching and translating jobs for about half a year and didn't find they suit me well, so presently I'm thinking over my next choice. I've lived away from home since I was 17. I think I'm really kind and agreeable (I know that's not good for a man) just like my mum is, as well as humorous, cocky and intelligent just like my dad.

 

My GF is also 24 and she graduated about two years ago from the same university. Luckily, she knows what she's going to do her whole life, which is creative writing. She's from a middle-class Korean family that migrated to Russia about 50 years ago. She still lives with her parents and kinda switches her jobs from time to time. She got a bit oppressive type of character just like her dad has, but still she can be outstandingly heartful just like her mum can.

 

Our realtionships have been both really tough and really cordial. We've been dating for three years and almost a half. When she wasn't content with something she would have a quarrell with me spanning still 4 or 5 am, never paying any attention to whether I'm having an exam the next day and what not. She always been saying "my therapist says I should not hide my emotions". It lasted for good two years when eventually these quarrells sucked all my energy away and I decided it was enough for me. I told her that and she begged me to give her a second chance to change.

 

While I did agree to that I still was resentful AF towards her for all this time as I was telling her how hurtful these quarrells were every time but she didn't pay any attention. She even called me names, saying that "it just the way I express myself". I just could help myself from not resenting her. I know I should have blamed myself for not drawing boundaries from the very start. We were dating but I was rather reluctant because of all this stuff and she did not understand that. Instead, she started to press me to give her my attention, constantly blaming me for not supporting her and not willing to visit her.

 

Well, finally my resentfulness just faded away and we started to date again last fall. Well, I though it was OK until she dumped me right on my birthday, saying how hurtful this time was when I did not contact her as frequent as usually.

 

Then we kinda started again and she began talking about marriage, covertly nagging me about that.

 

I wanted to wait for a while cause I still haven't got even a semi-decent job, no anything. Moreover, she has shown very evident signs that she didn't work on her aggressive behaviour. Some time in October she had me run after her all around the block after another quarrel at 3 am trying to convince her to stay at my place and have a sleep before she goes to work. Just a reminder, this quarrel was caused by her reading our messages from the time I was quite reluctant about her. She refused both taking my money to have a cab back home and staying and my place. Cut the story short, I didn't believe she changed, so I wanted to wait for a while to see if she really worked on herself.

 

It's getting pretty lenghty.

 

Well, she finally decided to leave me. It was really, really hard. I've tried the NC approach and she blamed me for not contacting her, yet she herself did silent treat me for almost a week. Few hours ago I've received a message from hers via Telegram saying "I miss you". Then she DELETED it.

 

The question is: WTF am I supposed to do? I love her very much and I crazily miss her, but it seems that we are incompatible right now. She has her own demands, but I just can't provide her with all that just right now. I'm afraid of locking myself up in marriage and working some crappy job just to sustain our family. It was her who dumped me, yet she writes all this stuff to me and tries to stay in touch.

 

Sorry it turned out so long. I really hope you could help me. The last person who did help me a lot with my life choices has passed away recently, so I need your help. Thank you.

[JDJ]

Russian women can be tough, determined, and emotional. But at a fundamental level, most are respectful of men, not egocentric, and not crazy.

 

Your ex-gf has a few too many red flags according to your description. Hot and cold, too much blame and resentment going on. Maybe a little on your part too. Overall, it sounds like you guys are not quite right for each other. With those kinds of fights, you also need to have some kind of wild "love overcomes all" passion going on to overcome and get past that. It sounds like you don't have that and should break it off completely. Going to no contact with her would probably help you resolve this and move on.

 

You certainly have the opportunity to find a great woman who will treat you right. That will only get easier as you mature and develop your career. So don't worry!

[Marc878]

Quit playing her games and go your own way