No contact **Updated**

[DoriBee]

It’s been 2 weeks since my boyfriend decided to break up with me.He said he loves me but he doesnt’t deserve me and that he is starting to get depressed.I did understand his decision but I just couldn’t believe him so I just said goodbye and walked away.We’ve been together for over a year ,had the most beautiful relationship we were also best friends and i have to mention that we almost have never fought seriously.Maybe just for the sake of making up ..I have decided to go NV and so far I succeded not to text him even thogh I want him back and miss him badly.I am sure he feels the same bur the only thing he texted me was “I hope you are having a great day and Happy Women’s Day” on 8th of March.I responded saying “I wish I was with you “ and he said “I’m sorry”.When he broke up with me he was so emotional he is a scorpio so you get the point he is so intense .I was gis first love and we loved each other like crazy.So nothing emeded on bad terms.I am keeping myself busy everyday (i am currently staying at home ,I will apply for med school this summer). but I just cannot get him out of my mind and when I think of him I just smile I mean there s no resentments and bad feeling he is just so dear to me.He is already a med students so he is busier than me .Since the breakup he goes to parties which he didnt do that often before but I kimd of understand him maybe that’s his way t cope with the suffering.His parents are cold so he can’t talk to them I dont even know if they know we are no longer together.I am not texting him first because I dont wanna seem needy and I want to respect his decision but it’s killing me.Oh and he watches my snap stories even my selfies which i must admit i post to see if he does watch them.I feel he is ghosting me.SO WHY ISN’T HE REACHING OUT TO ME?How much do I have to wait or to keep NC???

[GeorgiaPeach1]

He isn't reaching out because he knows you are there waiting in the shadows for him, should he decide to return. He has wide open access to you, and details of what's going on in your life. That is not true NC.

 

True NC is cutting him completely off, and taking steps to rebuild your life as if he won't be in it. It's a time for you to heal and gain new strength, hobbies, friends, interests, etc.

 

If not having you around forces him to realized he made a huge mistake letting you go AND he sincerely wants to work things out, great. However, the purpose of NC is not to lure your ex back. It's to help you move on.

[HumanMachine]

You seem certain that he misses you - why? He didn’t bite when you messaged him back and he’s out partying.. seems to me that he is enjoying being single!

[DoriBee]

He isn't reaching out because he knows you are there waiting in the shadows for him, should he decide to return. He has wide open access to you, and details of what's going on in your life. That is not true NC.

 

True NC is cutting him completely off, and taking steps to rebuild your life as if he won't be in it. It's a time for you to heal and gain new strength, hobbies, friends, interests, etc.

 

If not having you around forces him to realized he made a huge mistake letting you go AND he sincerely wants to work things out, great. However, the purpose of NC is not to lure your ex back. It's to help you move on.

But I simply cannot cut him off social media i mean block him or stuff like that because we didnt end on bad terms nor there was a fight ..Wouldnt it be weird ?

[d0nnivain]

Of course you can unfriend him on social media. An EX is someone who is no longer part of your real life. Why does such a person get to exist in your virtual life. Unfriending is neither mean nor immature. It's an act of self preservation

 

You were this guy's 1st relationship. He's a med student. He told you 2 things before the break up: he's depressed & he doesn't "deserve you." Honey, this break up has nothing to do with you & you can't get him back. He's feeling smothered because he never played at a relationship in HS but now can't handle the pressure of what should be an adult interaction. It's not that you unduly pressed him. It's just the obligation can feel overwhelming. He probably has a lot on his mind with med school & feels inferior because he thinks he doesn't meet your expectations. Now that he's had a taste of a social life from being your BF, he is more confident in going to parties. So he's doing that & growing as a person.

 

While you wanted to build a foundation possibly leading to forever, he has the dating skills of say a 7th grader (or whenever people start to discover dating) so your relationship lasted about that long. Sorry.

 

Do yourself a favor & get him off your social media. Until you do, you won't heal.

[ExpatInItaly]

But I simply cannot cut him off social media i mean block him or stuff like that because we didnt end on bad terms nor there was a fight ..Wouldnt it be weird ?

 

Not really, no.

 

It will be a lot weirder for you when he starts dating someone else and you get to see the posts and photos about it, though.

[DoriBee]

Of course you can unfriend him on social media. An EX is someone who is no longer part of your real life. Why does such a person get to exist in your virtual life. Unfriending is neither mean nor immature. It's an act of self preservation

 

You were this guy's 1st relationship. He's a med student. He told you 2 things before the break up: he's depressed & he doesn't "deserve you." Honey, this break up has nothing to do with you & you can't get him back. He's feeling smothered because he never played at a relationship in HS but now can't handle the pressure of what should be an adult interaction. It's not that you unduly pressed him. It's just the obligation can feel overwhelming. He probably has a lot on his mind with med school & feels inferior because he thinks he doesn't meet your expectations. Now that he's had a taste of a social life from being your BF, he is more confident in going to parties. So he's doing that & growing as a person.

 

While you wanted to build a foundation possibly leading to forever, he has the dating skills of say a 7th grader (or whenever people start to discover dating) so your relationship lasted about that long. Sorry.

 

Do yourself a favor & get him off your social media. Until you do, you won't heal.

 

I was thinking to leave him alone for a month and then maybe contact him and see if he wants to meet up so we can discuss and clarify some issues and reasons ..I am still left with uncertainty .So should I do this?Maybe he is waiting for me to give him a sign..

[J9775]

Ive just read your situation and I hope your doing ok. I have been out with a guy who is quite similar in the sense where he was a total manipulator and extremely convincing.

 

To me, the reasons he gave you when you broke up were just excuses sweetheart, as why would someone leave if they didnt deserve you???? It doesnt make sense and it is backwards. They would be so honoured that you are still with them and would want to put so much consistent effort in, in ensuring you stay. Can you see where Im coming from?

 

If anything, what you did straight away was spot on by going no contact and please please dont slip now, just hold on and trust me I know exactly what you are going through. I broke mine a handful of times and let me tell you it gets worse because if he sees you believing this, he will know you will believe anything. Also, you may not realise this but you have actually got the upper hand being that, you went no contact instead of trying to comfort and boost his ego. That was awesome. From his perspective, the no contact is actually crumpling his ego as it shows that you have strength and are smart. Darling, he wouldnt be going to parties if he said he didnt deserve you, he knows what a top chick you are and he had to really think hard to come up with a reason. When he text you back with "Im sorry", well that says it all. He's sorry for leaving you because you're awesome and doesnt deserve you???

 

You know what he is right - he doesnt derserve you and he was quite clever actually as he made you feel sorry for him while the real reason was to be single and party. He is actually dumping his guilt onto you and what a coward. Feel good about yourself because he is the wimp and you can hold your head high as only cowards make up pathetic excuses and manipulate a situation for their own benefit. Put it this way if he was so depressed etc etc etc, he would not be partying and he instead working through things with you

[preraph]

When a guy tells you he doesn't deserve you, you need to believe him. He knows something you don't. Whether it's something about him and his limitations or that he just realized you're not his future, or whether he is too overwhelmed with med school to keep up a relationship or whether he simply has his eye on other women, it's something or a combination of some of those. He's not coming completely clean because he's trying not hurt you; hence, "I don't deserve you." He's probably got his eye on someone.

 

His parents are cold, you said, so for all we know, maybe they were so cold as to be crap role models to show their son how to stay in an intimate relationship. We don't know.

 

Anyway, you do what you have to to minimize your hurt and preoccupation with him. The goal is to stop posting things hoping he'll see and wondering if he's wondering about you. So keep your eye on the goal. To heal, you need to work on becoming less focused on him and open yourself up to going out with friends and just doing things you enjoy so you can heal and not always be stressed out from the love pain.

 

Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

I was thinking to leave him alone for a month and then maybe contact him and see if he wants to meet up so we can discuss and clarify some issues and reasons ..I am still left with uncertainty .So should I do this?Maybe he is waiting for me to give him a sign..

 

 

A sign of what? He doesn't care. He's not looking for signs.

 

Contacting him won't get you the answers you seek. He doesn't have them. If he had the communications skills needed to give you closure, you would not have broken up. Closure comes from within, not your EX

 

Reach out in a month if you like but one of 3 things will happen:

 

1. He'll tell you to buzz off

 

2. He'll ignore you (this is the most likely)

 

3. You will get together & you will leave more frustrated & hurt then before meeting him.

 

What won't happen is what you are hoping for: he won't take you back. You won't live happily ever after. You won't walk away understanding what went wrong. He won't convince you that it was him not you.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

If you insist on keeping him on your social media, at least change the settings so you cannot see his posts and he cannot see yours. Don't look at what he's posting, because it will set you back emotionally every time.

[DoriBee]

My ex for about 3 weeks now texted me “Happy Birthday to your father!!”(it is his birrhday today) why would he do this? we haven’t spoke since the break-up(he broke up with me over stupid reasons) cus i am doing NC.I haven’t responded anything amd I do not intend to.

[d0nnivain]

If you are fine no longer being in contact with your EX, simply ignore the message & move along. No harm no foul.

 

However, since you are looking for a deeper meaning & the motivation behind the birthday message perhaps you aren't as far along in your healing as you wish. The answers don't lie with your EX. Healing is also not linear. This may be one of those steps back in the process but you are still going forward. Don't let this derail you.

[Zahara]

He’s hoping if you are pleasant with him, it will help alleviate his guilt and make him feel better - if you engage and be nice, it doesn’t make him feel like the bad guy. Sometimes dumpers maintain contact to keep you on the sidelines as well.

 

He has to know you’re hurting so dumb messages like Happy Women’s Day and this current text is indicative that he’s trying to break the ice since you have gone silent on him.

 

I read your other thread. Just excuses. Stay NC. Don’t respond to the breadcrumbs.