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Cold and empty

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th March 2018, 6:53 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 30
Cold and empty

During a 5-6 year toxic relationship- passion, love, hate, revenge, breaking up, jealousy etc., we slowly lost pieces of each other until nothing was left, just bitterness and an empty space where our partners used to be. I feel like half a person without any friends or people to talk to. I want to share, but something so personal, people can't truely understand.

I found myself sobbing while driving. That feeling that wells up inside my chest and out through my face...I feel so tired after work I go straight to bed, but even after entire evenings in bed, I don't feel rested. I feel more tired every day.

I miss the familiarity. Sometimes I want to be together again, until I remember all the bad stuff. I know that I've made the right choice, but I feel conflicted.

I think back. All that hate and vitriole we expressed were also kinds of love. If we didn't care for each other, we wouldn't have bothered with all of that. In this way, I cherish everything.

I know that I have to go out, socialise and meet new people etc, but I feel so tired of it all now. Developing my interests, meeting new people, dating, talking, sex. All the effort, I'm finished.

I don't know what I want. I wish there was a Samaritan out there, or some kind of support group that won't judge or get tired of a rambling piece of coal like me.
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:10 PM   #2
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You found your support group. Post away. Most people here enjoy listening and helping when they can
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:11 PM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2018
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felt the same way about a 3year relationship my ex ended last week, funny enough, i feel am over her . At least, the love spectacles are away and ive closely analyzed the relationship to see that i was a doormat forher ego. She was a Narcissist. I think urs might be a narcissist. I suggest u watch youtube videos about Narcissist and read articles about them on google. You will feel better. Right now even if my gf wants back i will throw her out soo fast i will prbably hurt her. Mine was just brutal cause she cheated all thru the relationsip, lied always, never was empathic, never cared about my feelings...pure evil. Cry abit for the wasted years in the relationship but dust ur self up and give him/her a **** off. **** NARCS

Last edited by ikoro0003; 8th March 2018 at 7:13 PM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:53 PM   #4
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Personally, I will myself to stop... Stop thinking about that person, stop fantasizing about getting back with them, stop looking at old photos of her, just plain stop. I refuse to let the pain drill a hole in me.

I keep myself busy with projects around the house or spring cleaning or take my sportbike to the track and push the envelope. Anything to distract me, if that person creeps into my thoughts, I say out loud "NO... STOP..." and push my mind to think about something else (a math problem, a word puzzle, anything). I refuse to let the pain drill a hole in me.

I push myself to get social, even if its one beer at a local pub. I'm not going to hibernate in my home and let that person win. They don't control me, I don't care what they said about me. I have free will & will do what I think is best for me. I refuse to let the pain drill a hole in me.
All of my posts are my opinion based on my own experiences. Feel Free to disagree with me, this rodent has thick skin.
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Old 9th March 2018, 4:01 AM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 30
In 5-6 years, she hurt me even though her intentions were not to. Out of hurt, I've hurt her. We broke each other's heart many times, but we persisted for each other in trying to stay together.

I don't know if I can do all of this again. I don't want to carry on my bitterness and resentment into a new relationship. I don't know if I have the energy to gamble it all again.

Sigh. Going to work now.
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Old 9th March 2018, 1:06 PM   #6
Join Date: Mar 2018
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It's hard to know what to do with yourself when you've had a partner for that long... I'm going through it, too.

Reach out to friends, read a book, take a walk, anything. JUST. KEEP. MOVING. FORWARD. Don't allow yourself to wallow too long, or that will become a habit and you will get more and more depressed and isolated.

Is there something you've always wanted to do but felt like you never had time? Now's the time. Keep your mind and body busy and you will make it to the other side of this. It may not feel like it now, but I promise it's there, waiting for you to get to it. You just have to want a better life and put the effort to give it to yourself. No matter what happened in this relationship, who was at fault, etc... Only you can give yourself the life you want. No one else has that power.

Try starting with cutting out negative self-talk when you can (we're all our own worst critics, that's just life, but be aware and don't beat yourself up too badly). For instance:
I don't know what I want. I wish there was a Samaritan out there, or some kind of support group that won't judge or get tired of a rambling piece of coal like me.
If you were talking to a close friend who was going through your situation and they talked about themselves like that, what would you say to them? I say, if you are a piece of coal, then your typing skills are very impressive.

Just some thoughts. I wish you the best of luck. I've not been posting here long, but this is a wonderful group.
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Old 11th March 2018, 6:00 AM   #7
Join Date: Apr 2016
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I spend so much time in bed, yet for the past 10 days i havent been sleeping well. I wake up in the middle of the night and I look through my phone. I walk from here to there and back again. I tried to drive around locally yesterday, and i could just barely concentrate on the car in front of me. Sometimes i feel fine, when i am distracted, then bits of trivial relationship moments pop into my mind. I smile inside, then i remember that a bad moment follows. Ive noticed that Im sighing a lot throughout the day. For no particular reason.

It's sunday morning and it appears to be bright behind the curtains. I have no reason to leave the house. Perhaps i should stay at home and save some money. I have no one i want to show myself to, at least not as i am now.

She must be in pain as well. I wonder how she is dealing with it. I know that she is much much better at pushing these feelings deep down and distracting herself.

She will probably have filled her days being another person with her social and family networks. Maybe she will take the advice of her friends and try to meet someone who is interested in her.

Despite her busy schudule, in her down time she will share the space that I'm in now and hurt. I hope she is okay.
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Old 11th March 2018, 4:50 PM   #8
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I just go with it. I let my feelings come and then watch them go. Everyone is different. At least you meet people with one name...could be worse--last few guys I met all had multiple names, social accounts, etc. It is extremely scary not knowing who is in your home or who was with you at dinner. I'd rather be lonely than afraid at this point...just saying...but it still blows. Sorry man, I hope things get better for you.
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Old 13th March 2018, 2:47 PM   #9
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Hang in there. It does get easier to deal with, believe me. Take every day at a time and if you can write down goals for the day, great. No matter how small. If you don't want to watch happy movies, listen to happy music to cheer you up then maybe try some sadness.

Hold onto your job, it is really important for you now even though you might not think it. It gets you out and about and gives you distraction. Don't give up.
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