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Why doesn't the pain end?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 6th March 2018, 9:10 PM   #1
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Why doesn't the pain end?

It has been since Oct 13th since me and the father of my child split. I am still so anxious everyday, I still wake up with a knot in my stomach, I still want to text him I miss him. I still go to bed crying or cry in the shower. Some days are better than others, today is not one of those. It makes it so much harder that we have to be in contact we have to see each other, it is so painful.

He has a new gf and is learning french for her, exercising, cutting out sugar from his diet as well as caffeine. Bettering himself for her, when he could never for me. I don't want my child to meet this woman but I know it is out of my control. The whole situation regarding their relationship is so strange. I wonder all the time if she knows how toxic of a man he is. He has BPD and bi-polar and anti-social disorder, all have been diagnosed. Even saying all that I miss him. I miss our family, I miss having someone to call when I had a rough day, or his big bear hugs. When does the pain stop?
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Old 6th March 2018, 10:11 PM   #2
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The pain stops when you stop focusing on him, and start focusing on you.

You say he is losing weight? Well two can do that.

Take yourself out, start going for walks and focus on your own life.

It really is as easy as changing your focus. WRITE down your goals.
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Old 6th March 2018, 10:29 PM   #3
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I think it depends on the person.
For some, it never hurts and for others its just a dull pain we learn to cope with. Most people just forget.

I hope you heal soon
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Old 6th March 2018, 10:58 PM   #4
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I was with a man who had social dysfunctional issues. And the reason why it hurts so much, is because it took so much out of you to love him. I have never really been the same since the ending of our relationship two years ago.

Although, I am not hurting from his absence (he tried to come back and I did not love him anymore, so I said no), but the trauma of the relationship is still in my head. I often see men through lens that I see him thru. I almost feel like I picked up some of his dysfunctional traits.

You share a child, it will be tough. But it starts with a single step. Some days you will not want to be optimistic. Other days you will be happy it's over. It is not a linear process.

I still think of my dysfunctional ex from time to time. And I have a lot of resentment of how he treated me. But, my life is my own. And I ask myself this: if I were to leave this earth today, who would I miss. The answer is my daughter. So, after focusing my love on myself, I focus my love on her.

You will get thru this, but it will be in time.
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:15 PM   #5
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hey i dnt know why i feel this way but u can txt me 16513156174 or send me a message ikoro@nifexlimited.com. My gf of 3yrs n 2months left me 7days ago. No explanation except that she is no longer in love. She was soo harsh and cold overnight, then starts to ignore me. She esentially checked out while i was planning our future, i was about to move in 4weeks to be in same city fr the first time since 2014. I was gonna propose nxt yr, she didnt know. I planed alot of future with her. Whole point am trying to make is i cried for exactly 5days straight never felt soo much pain in my life. I would burst out in feats of tears and pain. She never showed one iota of emotion towards me. this is exactly 10days and i have my emotions under control, i am exercing regularly, to minimize the stress on me. I am also having ong talks with anyone who would listen, and most importantly the love glasses i had for over 3yrs plus has shattered and i see all her flaws. Even if she came bck today i will throw her out. I forgave 2yrs of being cheated on, i absorbed insult and someone who didnt respect my opinion and advice. So to be hnest goodluck to the next guy or whatevr cause sooner or later she will get dropped like hot potato. I have also read my bible everyday, and connected spiritually with God. Anyway point is, anyone who walks out of ur life and leaves u without remorse will regret ir eventually whether they tell u or not. But u take it one day at a time and one step at a time , focus on ur project or job then slowly clmb out. At the end of the day, life is a jouruney of lessons and the ooint of being here is to learn the biger lesson. Unfortunately some people never get to this realization before they die. Trust me in 1month my ex will be an afterthought to me and amnot in a rush for revenege or jealously . Life will tje care of that. So dnt bother, live ur life and enjoy eveything cause life lessons re Gods lessons. you will rise up.
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Old 7th March 2018, 5:43 PM   #6
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dear ikoro0003

I am sorry that you are going through this. No matter what the reason, break-ups are hard. You ask yourself is there something I could have done different. It is not just you, many people have problems with break-ups. However for the sake of your child, it is important that you start focusing on the two of you. As moms, we forget that we have to take care of ourselves otherwise we are ineffective as moms.
Is it possible that visitation be through a third party? Have you considered speaking with a counselor? Listly has a list of organizations that help people move forward in their lives. Perhaps one might be right for you. One in particular is The Hope Line: 1-800-273-8255.
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Old 10th March 2018, 2:47 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AT15 View Post
I was with a man who had social dysfunctional issues. And the reason why it hurts so much, is because it took so much out of you to love him. I have never really been the same since the ending of our relationship two years ago.

Although, I am not hurting from his absence (he tried to come back and I did not love him anymore, so I said no), but the trauma of the relationship is still in my head. I often see men through lens that I see him thru. I almost feel like I picked up some of his dysfunctional traits.

You share a child, it will be tough. But it starts with a single step. Some days you will not want to be optimistic. Other days you will be happy it's over. It is not a linear process.

I still think of my dysfunctional ex from time to time. And I have a lot of resentment of how he treated me. But, my life is my own. And I ask myself this: if I were to leave this earth today, who would I miss. The answer is my daughter. So, after focusing my love on myself, I focus my love on her.

You will get thru this, but it will be in time.

I can relate to this so much, I think relationships with people like that do take more of a toll on the other partner because like you said they have sucked us dry. I had nothing left, I was always focused on helping him, making sure he was comfortable, making sure he was okay, meanwhile my own mental health suffered. Do you think he cared? No, he was too worried about himself, this is what I need to remind myself of, I DESERVE MORE, I deserve someone willing to go do something they don't like because it is something I enjoyed, I deserve someone to worry about why I am upset for once. I was too busy being a caretaker, I think that is why I feel so hopeless, I was so used to caring for someone and now they are gone and I feel useless. No not anymore I will take care of myself and my child. Wow I needed all these replies. Thank you all.
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Old 10th March 2018, 2:56 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susanv1994 View Post
I am sorry that you are going through this. No matter what the reason, break-ups are hard. You ask yourself is there something I could have done different. It is not just you, many people have problems with break-ups. However for the sake of your child, it is important that you start focusing on the two of you. As moms, we forget that we have to take care of ourselves otherwise we are ineffective as moms.
Is it possible that visitation be through a third party? Have you considered speaking with a counselor? Listly has a list of organizations that help people move forward in their lives. Perhaps one might be right for you. One in particular is The Hope Line: 1-800-273-8255.
I really appreciate this information thank you! I did join a single moms group with church that helps tremendously. Unfortunately there is no 3rd party we can go through as we moved out of town to a small town when we bought our house and I chose to stay through the separation for the sake of our child. I do need to be strong for our little one, gosh he makes it so hard to be. He is planning on moving out of state in 2 years which puts a lot of fear in me what that will do to her. But I can't control him he will do whatever he wants selfishly at the sake of his daughter, she one day will know that no matter what mommy is there and will never leave her side.
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