Severing Ties, No Contact, No Friendship

[Sundra1]

After a relationship has ended, has anyone completely shut out the other person both digitally and physically immediately. I mean, respectfully, calmly, and politely asking someone not to contact you then proceeding to delete, unfriend, and over time remove the presence of their social circle.

 

I have a view that when things are done they are done, even if I was the one who did not make that choice. Usually there are too many feelings of sorrow, anger, and disappointment and I figure silence is better than saying something stupid. Believe me, it is not an enjoyable process, but I am very good at no contact. However, I always seems to get a lot of push back, and the other party is usually pretty angry with me. I never thought silence would be taken so harsh, especially when they were the initiators. Usually I only apply no-contact when I am the one broken up with, if I don't do the breaking-up I let the other person decide.

 

The long term outcome, is I have always worked to maintain relationships with others, when I felt like it, and we often times find some reconciliation. Only once can I think of where I really screwed up and threw away the opportunity to do that, however, I was also a teenager. However, in this situation I have started to accept that reconciliation may never happen. We haven't spoken for a year.

 

I bring this question to the forum because I want to know has anyone had a profound negative response from no-contact in the long-term?

 

Anyone have an experience where people think you are personally trying to offend them by removing them from your life when they changed the terms of the relationship?

 

Anybody have someone come back around and seek reconciliation or express an understanding?

 

This is largely for those who are dumped, but it's an open question either way.

[Rainah]

If I have been dumped or dumped someone it is straight to nc for me, they an be mad all they want I need to heal and think of myself at that point

[CrazyKatLady]

I didn't know about NC until recently and I still think it is weird in some ways, but whatever, I roll with it now unless there is something crucial I need to say or get across. If it makes other people happy, then so be it. Who am I to tread on another person's happiness if that is all they really care about? To each his own in the case of NC. If it works for you, then I wouldn't waste further time feeling bad or thinking much more about it.

[marky00]

Got dumped, no contact for a year or so. She then started to reach out (mainly breadcrumbs but). That continued for a whole year. I ignored every message.

 

I had my reasons for ignoring her. Was simple, every time I'd tried to fix things in the past, it made things worse so I gave her what she wanted and let it go.

 

I'm sure she got irritated for me ignoring probably a dozen messages and it no doubt put the nail in the coffin. But I had no choice so nothing else to say really.

[magnesium]

Yes I did it. It wasn't an easy decision, mind you, I had to walk away from my entire social circle, and it was the best friends I ever had.

 

When you make major decisions like this, context is important. There is a lot at stake.

 

From reading your post, I'm not sure if you were, in a sense, forced to protect yourself by going NO CONTACT or not. Sometimes things are so bad you have to use NO CONTACT to save your sanity, or to get out of an abusive and unfair situation.

 

They tried reaching out almost a year later. I totally ghosted them (I don't have social media, so ghosting people is easy for me), and I didn't respond to their breadcrumbs.

 

To answer your questions, I couldn't care less how they feel about me not responding to their breadcrumbs. They certainly didn't show me any respect.

[Hoosfoos]

I've done exactly what you asked about. Dying inside, I initiated no contact with my last ex, and my resolve surprised her when she threw breadcrumbs my way two months later. She was NOT happy when I politely expressed my desire for no further contact. But what was I to do? She left me, and I was faced with the task of rebuilding my life. She had walked away with no chance of the relationship being saved.

[Sundra1]

This while thing totally sucked. Loved her friends, but my rule is they were her friends and not mine. If they reach out, I'll meet them half way, but they never did and I didn't expect them to. As far as she goes, it was not toxic, I just think she is selfish enough to want to keep me from seeing other people just so she feels like she knows what is going on in my life and I am unsympathetic to that cause. It killed me, but through it all I saw a bleak alterior motive that was geared more towards personal emotional sustinence on her part. I would have been friends with her, but she proved her lack of worth in that area. So I walked and never looked back. I came here to vent. I still think about her, and she was pissed, but I agree with all of you. What she felt didn't matter.

[zombi24]

Kind of depends on the situation. For me and my most recent break up, I went NC and cut her out of my social media circle because I found out she went back to her ex. I feel any contact I try to make now would seem desperate, I said what I had to say. If she wants to talk to me she has my number, but I'm not gonna chase her.