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Break up out of nowhere

anxiety_aerial

By anxiety_aerial,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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anxiety_aerial

anxiety_aerial

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Hello people from loveshack. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly 2 months now, and she just told me she wanted to break up with me...

 

The last two days we had no contact, for a reason I don't even know... Things were going perfect. She told me I was the ideal boyfriend, that she's in love with me. but after the previous week, it's been a very tough week for her. School related. I gave her space to study and get everything on point. With her replying, "You're really so thoughtful"...

 

But since Saturday.. We haven't had any contact. She was thinking about breaking up with me for some while, and I Don't know why. She doesn't like me anymore the way she did before and wants to remain friends.

 

Any advice on how to move on?

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Tom Walker

Tom Walker

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Hi anxiety_aerial,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your break up. In response to her message, "I just don't like you in that way anymore", I know how impossible it can feel to understand how they have changed their mind after something that felt so special to you.

 

It's a strange feeling for me to give advice, since I can't take my own at the best of times, but what I will say from experience is that trying to chase her, beg, plead your case, or understand what is happening will do nothing but hold you back and hurt your chances of reconciliation.

 

The best thing you can do right now is try to stay as strong as possible and focus on you. There are two choices when it comes to heartbreak - 1) Do everything you can to improve yourself, be patient, hardworking, persistent, kind and put yourself in social situations to meet new people when you're ready. 2) Wallow, feel sorry for yourself, remember nothing but the good times, be a victim.

 

Unfortunately, from experience, option 2 is what we humans are programmed to do. It's our default. And you have to fight every moment of every day to get closer and closer to option 1.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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There is something going on with her that is causing her to not want to be in a relationship right now. She may be stressed trying to juggle school & everything else.

 

 

Try to remember it's not really you but her. Disconnect on all social media. You don't need to see what she's doing now that she's not with you. Avoid her in school if you can but do be polite when you see her, no causing a scene in the halls.

 

 

Keep yourself busy. Self soothe & keep putting one foot in front of the other

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anxiety_aerial

anxiety_aerial

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Hi anxiety_aerial,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your break up. In response to her message, "I just don't like you in that way anymore", I know how impossible it can feel to understand how they have changed their mind after something that felt so special to you.

 

It's a strange feeling for me to give advice, since I can't take my own at the best of times, but what I will say from experience is that trying to chase her, beg, plead your case, or understand what is happening will do nothing but hold you back and hurt your chances of reconciliation.

 

The best thing you can do right now is try to stay as strong as possible and focus on you. There are two choices when it comes to heartbreak - 1) Do everything you can to improve yourself, be patient, hardworking, persistent, kind and put yourself in social situations to meet new people when you're ready. 2) Wallow, feel sorry for yourself, remember nothing but the good times, be a victim.

 

Unfortunately, from experience, option 2 is what we humans are programmed to do. It's our default. And you have to fight every moment of every day to get closer and closer to option 1.

 

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I'll try to focus on myself a little bit more at the moment.

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anxiety_aerial

anxiety_aerial

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There is something going on with her that is causing her to not want to be in a relationship right now. She may be stressed trying to juggle school & everything else.

 

 

Try to remember it's not really you but her. Disconnect on all social media. You don't need to see what she's doing now that she's not with you. Avoid her in school if you can but do be polite when you see her, no causing a scene in the halls.

 

 

Keep yourself busy. Self soothe & keep putting one foot in front of the other

 

We're not in the same school, but thanks for the advice. I really needed it. I do think that she simply couldn't handle everything and that she had to let this go. I'll try to maintain focus on myself and kind of forget about the past.

 

But of course, I appreciate the help from every each one. It could be a problem on her side indeed.

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anxiety_aerial

anxiety_aerial

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Hmm... Yesterday wasn't very successful. I was so disappointed with myself that I started to have a drink. At last, I became a little bit intoxicated and just texted with my friend..

 

Because I simply kept asking questions to myself.. "Why did she break up with me". "Why did she simply stopped liking me.. For a while that is". "2 weeks ago she said she was in love with me, and now this.."

 

I don't know, people from loveshack. Everything was so balanced. Is it indeed possible that school and her friends are just giving her problems, so to break up without specifically clarifying the reason?

 

What I also forgot to mention is, she has PDD-NOS. So obviously she is a little bit neutral. But I didn't mind, and I cared for her for every single bit.

 

I did wish her a happy birthday today. And just initiated no contact. It's gonna be difficult, but I'll try my utterly best not to think about it any longer.

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