crushedvelvet Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 (edited) So this guy and I had known each other for years. We have a TON of mutual friends (around 200 total on Facebook, and a good 2 dozen we both regularly see - this is part of my current problem). He would regularly show interest in me when we went out with mutual friends, and I found him attractive and extremely funny and charming, but I had a weird feeling about him, so I ultimately stayed away from him. (Oh how I wish I'd trusted my intuition...) Nearly 2 years ago (after 4 or so years of knowing each other), I ended up sleeping with him after a night we all went out. This began a sort of friends-with-benefits situation (not explicitly defined - it just seemed we were sleeping with each other every now and again, no discussion about it). I caught feelings relatively quickly into this, but I was in denial and wouldn't admit it anyone. I had a casual relationship before and I had to respect how the former guy NEVER gave me false hope, led me on, acted too romantic, etc. This guy was another story. Whenever I felt tortured by the whole thing, he'd do some weirdly romantic thing that would make me think that maybe it could work out between us and blossom into something real. He alternated between being utterly cold and seeming like he really wanted to be with me. The worst part was that since we had so many mutual friends, I'd see him pretty regularly, whether or not I planned to. This kept me from moving on for about a year. Around summer of last year, I decided enough was enough and decided to pull away slowly (due to our mutual friends, I thought this would be best). I stopped contacting him. He reached out once, but I was pretty chilly, and I figured it was over. At some point during this, I suspected he had a girlfriend (there was a girl he seemed a little too chummy with in some of his posts), but I didn't really look into it. I went on some online dates (nothing promising) and really felt I was starting to move on, until I ran into him at a mutual friend's Christmas party. The feelings came flooding back to me, and he was flirting with me nonstop. I apparently wasn't over him because I ended up sleeping with him that night. The next day I was a bit of crying wreck (I knew he didn't see me like that, but I couldn't help my feelings) and tried to formally end it via a phone call. I simply asked him to call me so I could talk to him about something. That's all I said. I was going to just tell him this "arrangement" was killing me emotionally, I couldn't do it anymore, and if we ran into each other, he needed to give me space, but I ultimately wanted to be on good terms/wish him well. This speech never happened because never called me. I decided not to push it. I was pretty hurt by it, but I thought I could move on, since that was a pretty awkward situation (I mean, really, who wouldn't call someone in that scenario?). And I was trying to...until this past Valentine's Day, when I checked his social media (in a moment of weakness - I'd had him "hidden" but still added on everything) and saw that the girl I suspected he was with before was in fact his girlfriend and he had slept with me while he was with her. I had figured that night we slept together that either a) he wasn't serious with this girl or b) it was over between them, if there was anything. I was clearly wrong, and something inside me just kind of shattered. I sent him a text that, while not at all pleasant, wasn't rude (no name calling, no high drama, just communicating that I was so disappointed in the fact he blatantly used me, just to deceive this girl) and basically said that at this point, I'd like to not even be on speaking terms at all (knowing I'd probably run into him regularly, as I tend to do, and we'd be cool/exchange small talk if I didn't confront him). Then I deleted him from everything. He responded to this by blocking me on everything. After a while of trying to dissect WHY THE HELL he would do that after I already cut our respective cords (he probably was super angry that I called him out? Trying to one-up me?), I realized I just need advice on how to truly move on. I'm just so hurt by all of this, and so betrayed...I knew he wasn't the best guy, but didn't think it'd end up like this, that he'd be this awful. I'm also upset at the potential side-taking this will encourage in our mutual friends, and the fact I WILL inevitably see him because of them all. Advice on how to deal with all of this would be appreciated. I can't stop thinking about it all and I don't know what to do. Edited February 17, 2018 by crushedvelvet Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 First off, I would suggest staying away from FWB type situations. Someone always develops feelings and gets hurt in these situations. I think you did the right thing by removing him on all social media. I'm not surprised he blocked you for two reasons. He has a girlfriend, and he's not going to want to be in contact with you if he knows you have feelings for him. It's okay if you have mutual friends. Most everyone has mutual friends with an ex and has to navigate how to deal with it after a breakup. To be honest, your friends don't really care that much. They just want to remain neutral. 200 friends are acquaintances. They don't have an investment in your life. Most people only have a handful of true friends. I think removing him on social media and not talking to him again are the best things you can do. You feel betrayed because you had feelings for him, and you hoped it could be something more. I think it might be good to reflect on why you kept on sleeping with this guy when you knew he didn't have the same feelings for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 You tell him you don’t want to be on speaking terms at all then delete him from everything and you’re surprised he blocked you? What’s really the difference between what you did and he did? I think you should be glad he blocked you and hopefully he keeps it that way. Now you have no contact and can get over him. Sorry you’re hurting but never accept such an arrangement when you know you want more. You should just steer clear of him for awhile. It doesn’t sound like you run into him all the time. You haven’t seen him since Christmas, correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crushedvelvet Posted February 17, 2018 Author Share Posted February 17, 2018 Forgot to mention he is a regular customer at my place of work, so I see him even more often because of that (he's friends with a coworker of mine, a friend who we both knew before we started working there - small town problems). I now actively avoid my place of work when I'm not working because of him. I go to another location in our town if I need to (it's a chain). Saw him last about 2 weeks ago (had to go into my location). I realize I was being incredibly stupid from the beginning, and that FWB is never a good idea. I guess I got cocky after my other casual thing (which went on for years, and both of us never caught feelings or ended up on bad terms - I see this guy regularly too, but we actually consider each other friends). Like I said, I just didn't think it'd end up quite this bad. And now I'm just mad at myself for letting my feelings blind me so much. Feelings always got me messed up in the logic department. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I think you are more over him than you realize. You’re just experiencing a small setback. Treat him like a stranger. It’ll be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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