Ignored Facetime

[garysmith]

Let me start of by giving some background.....

 

My gf broke up with me about 6 months ago(She said she didn't love me anymore/we felt like a companionship).

 

We text once in a while. I always initiate contact. She always seems very distant. When we text it is definitely not how we use to text before.

 

From the texts I always felt like she never contributed to the conversation and everything was one sided.

 

This past week we were talking through out the week and the conversation was good and friendly. It just seems like she doesn't really reply unless I ask her a question.

 

During the weekend I called facetime her since we use to do that often. And she completely ignored it. She didn't even text back or anything.

 

This is a person that regardless of how our relationship ended i considered to be a close friend. What do you guys think about that? I really don't like the fact that she ignored me.

 

Why couldn't she just tell me straight up to stop getting in contact with her?

 

I feel really offended and as if I didn't mean anything to her for the 2 years we were together. I can put my pride aside and let many things go by. But being ignored just seems like I can't nor want to. I can't force someone to talk to me. I am thinking I should never talk to her again. If she ever messages me just ignore everything and just erase her. Like she never existed.

Edited October 30, 2017 by garysmith

[chinadiary]

I think she's not interested. I say this as kindly as I can, because I am in your position. But I've blocked my ex for my sake, so I can't be tempted to contact him.

 

Our exes aren't interested in us. They maintained contact after the split because they were trying to be kind/polite. But the reality is, they've moved on.

 

It's a horrible thing to face. I haven't accepted it totally yet. But it's true.

[Zahara]

She's been accepting your contact because she was being polite. I'm sure you knew that because you note that communication has always been one sided. Instead of taking the hint and moving on, you continued to reach out and you built expectations.

 

It was a break-up. The normal thing would be to move on. She's probably coming to the conclusion that this cannot go on. And she's right.

 

Or, she could possibly be dating. And contact may not be the appropriate thing to continue doing.

[garysmith]

Thank you for the response. This is helping me!

 

I think you're both right. I think she has given plenty of hints and I just never received the message.

 

I just don't understand why she just couldn't be straight up with me. Had she just told me she didn't want to hear for me, I would have stopped. Now I just feel like a fool.

 

I never expected that from her.

[Zahara]

Thank you for the response. This is helping me!

 

I think you're both right. I think she has given plenty of hints and I just never received the message.

 

I just don't understand why she just couldn't be straight up with me. Had she just told me she didn't want to hear for me, I would have stopped. Now I just feel like a fool.

 

I never expected that from her.

 

Maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings.

 

She's not responsible for where you are. As you said, she's given you plenty of hints and you chose to ignore.

[chinadiary]

I just don't understand why she just couldn't be straight up with me. Had she just told me she didn't want to hear for me, I would have stopped. Now I just feel like a fool.

 

Same with my ex. I ASKED him to block me, because I knew I was weak and not strong enough to cut him off. He refused. WHY???? Cruel and unkind in my opinion.

 

I made a fool of myself for 3 weeks. Until my pride kicked in a little and then I blocked him. Hope I can keep it up.

[garysmith]

You're right!

 

I just handled everything so wrong. 2 weeks after she broke up with me I got into another relationship with another girl.

 

For some reason I just keep thinking she still has feelings for me but I don't know why. She has given no signs of it.

 

Back in September we got into an argument where I ended up telling her that I would never contact her again and she made a big deal about how she didn't want that to happen.

 

A few weeks after that something happened in my family and she wanted to know how I was. She called a few times and texted and I didn't respond. And she basically text guilt-ed me into responding by saying things like if our relationship didn't mean anything to me.

 

She has given me plenty of signals about wanting to just move forward with her life and I should do the same. I just need to understand that and move forward.

 

----------------------------

 

The other day we were also texting her and I ended up apologizing for texting her(Makes me seem like such a loser). But I was just saying that to say it, I didn't really think I was bothering her.

 

She replied by saying no need to apologize.

 

Do you think she meant that I was bothering her but there's no need to apologize as long as I don't do it again.

 

That is how I took it.

[Zahara]

 

The other day we were also texting her and I ended up apologizing for texting her(Makes me seem like such a loser). But I was just saying that to say it, I didn't really think I was bothering her.

 

She replied by saying no need to apologize.

 

Do you think she meant that I was bothering her but there's no need to apologize as long as I don't do it again.

 

That is how I took it.

 

It was just a polite comment on her part, Gary. Stop reading into it.

[chinadiary]

My ex sent me a few, very self pitying messages too. Very 'why me', and 'how have I ended up like this'. Um, because you decided to end it!

 

Also an 'I make bad decisions' text. WTF. YOU ended it. At least be strong enough to stick to your decision.

[garysmith]

Same with my ex. I ASKED him to block me, because I knew I was weak and not strong enough to cut him off. He refused. WHY???? Cruel and unkind in my opinion.

 

I feel the same way. We just gotta be strong and move forward. I hope talking about on this forum will help me.

 

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.

[chinadiary]

I've been through a lot. Cancer. Divorce. But relationship breakdown is still hard.

 

I tell myself, this isn't as bad as chemo, but that doesn't stop it hurting.

 

My strength of character has started to kick in, which is good. Those first terrible days, when it's just pain and tears are awful. I mean, they're still here, but I'm starting to see things I SHOULD be doing, even if I can't do them all yet.

[JimmyNYC]

Garysmith, let me give you some advice. She has clearly checked out. You need to go no contact with her. She is replying to you because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But she's checked out and moved on. It's a tricky thing trying to be friends with romantic partners. Sometimes those just don't mix. My opinion is once you've been romantic partners friendship is not going to work because feelings are involved. "Friends" and romantic partners are two different animals. Friends are friends. Romantic partners we "think" are friends too but they really aren't. It's not the same thing even though when we are dating them or married to them it appears they are our best "friend". Can two people who dated become just good friends? Sure it happens, there are always exceptions to the rule. But for the most part keep the two separate. That is what she wants to do now. She needs to move on and trying to be "friends" with you is too complicated for her. That is why she is cold and distant. She doesn't want to not reply and be complete a-hole to you. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I bet she just wishes you'd move on. It happens. My advice is move and go no contact with her.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Thank you for the response. This is helping me!

 

I think you're both right. I think she has given plenty of hints and I just never received the message.

 

I just don't understand why she just couldn't be straight up with me. Had she just told me she didn't want to hear for me, I would have stopped. Now I just feel like a fool.

 

I never expected that from her.

 

She absolutely gave you countless hints. Just go back and read the first 4 lines in your opening message. The break-up alone would have been enough for me to keep my distance.

 

The problem is you and your interpretation of your relationship/friendship. Obviously she doesn't echo the same sentiments.

 

As for why she just didn't come straight out and tell you to back off, she was probably just being kind and hoping the lack of interest and initiative would do the dirty work for her. It clearly didn't work.

 

Now you know

[garysmith]

Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate all your comments.

I feel like you guys have cleared up so many things for me. Everything seems to be so clear now. I don't understand why I didn't see it before.

 

I will never contact her again!

 

I feel like I need to protect myself of any type of hope. If she messages I'm just going to ignore the messages as well.

 

I hate how certain things are. I don't get how someone can go from being the most important person in your life to a complete stranger but whatever this is her choosing.

[dumbass2]

I know it can be hard, but your logic needs to start kicking in. She doesn't need to give you hints, she was straight forward and broke up with you. She no longer wanted you romantically and that's all you need to know. You had some great times together and she will not forget. It was a chapter in your lives and now on the next one. Stop trying to be her friend because you can't because you still have feelings for her. Don't torture yourself any more.

[garysmith]

I have decided that I will be in NC for eternity.

 

How do I get over knowing that I will never talk or see this person again?

 

Time heals all wounds?

[Highndry]

Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate all your comments.

I feel like you guys have cleared up so many things for me. Everything seems to be so clear now. I don't understand why I didn't see it before.

 

I will never contact her again!

 

I feel like I need to protect myself of any type of hope. If she messages I'm just going to ignore the messages as well.

 

I hate how certain things are. I don't get how someone can go from being the most important person in your life to a complete stranger but whatever this is her choosing.

 

I think you were blinded by hope and love, Gary. I feel bad for you, but the reality is that she broke up with you and then you said you initiated all the following contact. That is the exact opposite of what you should ever have done if you wanted to rekindle something. The ball was in her court as the dumper. The fact that she broke up is enough proof that something along those lines was very doubtful anyway. At least now that you have seen the light you can not only never contact her again, but ignore her if she ever contacts you, which is very unlikely.

[garysmith]

I think you were blinded by hope and love, Gary. I feel bad for you, but the reality is that she broke up with you and then you said you initiated all the following contact. That is the exact opposite of what you should ever have done if you wanted to rekindle something.

 

I definitely did everything wrong. In the beginning I actually never contacted her which made her get mad at me. She reached out and let me know if she just didn't mean anything to me since I didn't go crying to her.

 

I also got into another relationship right after the break up. So this has been my issue all this time. Did i mess it up by getting with another girl too soon. I didn't even give her a chance to change her mind.

 

Either way I was just blinded by love. I need to focus on my new gf. This girl is amazing and perfect for me. I need to forget about the ex and just let her do her own thing.

 

It's hard for me to think about never speaking to her again. She was such a big part of my life for a while. I will men up and not contact her again!

[Highndry]

I definitely did everything wrong. In the beginning I actually never contacted her which made her get mad at me. She reached out and let me know if she just didn't mean anything to me since I didn't go crying to her.

 

I also got into another relationship right after the break up. So this has been my issue all this time. Did i mess it up by getting with another girl too soon. I didn't even give her a chance to change her mind.

 

Either way I was just blinded by love. I need to focus on my new gf. This girl is amazing and perfect for me. I need to forget about the ex and just let her do her own thing.

 

It's hard for me to think about never speaking to her again. She was such a big part of my life for a while. I will men up and not contact her again!

 

Well, this isn't fair to your new girlfriend at all. You need to be focused on her and forget the past. It sounds like the one who dumped you isn't worthy anyway.