Mutual break up after 3 year relationship...need

[TheOnlyOne73]

Hey everyone,

 

My ex-boyfriend (29M) and I (22F) split up 3 days ago. We have broken up before a year ago for 2 months due to trust issues that we eventually resolved (he initiated the break up but turned up at my door after 2 months wanting me back and wanting to rebuild the trust). He reached out to me a few weeks after the break up (following a period of NC) asking how I was, and said maybe we should meet up when I came home from uni for Christmas 2016 (which we did). We had a very intense, passionate yet tumultuous relationship, with a strong connection, lots of shared interests, likes/dislikes and the same outlook on life. He would often tell me that I was unique and that there was no one like me (which was one of his reasons for coming back, and the reason why he never had a relationship/had sex until he met me when he was 27 as he was waiting for the right person). He told me that "things don't work without you and life wasn't the same when we were split up".

 

The most recent break up 3 days ago was mutual since I was becoming unhappy/hurt by him not delivering what I expected from a relationship in terms of communication and commitment (it was his first relationship, but not mine). At first, he pleaded and wrote me a message saying:

 

"I want to be with you, please think about it

I have no money until Friday, I will call you on Friday when I have money

I love you the most out of anyone"

 

Eventually Friday came around, but I received no calls. He sent me a long message along the lines of this:

 

"I've been thinking about us a lot and I think you're right. I haven't been making you happy for a long time and can't stand to continue to hurt you. You have everything going for you. You're a wonderful person, you're fun, affectionate, beautiful and intelligent. You deserve so much better than me. You're my first and only love. I struggle to commit and I need to grow up. Our relationship is in such a mess and I don't think it can be repaired. I'm shaking as I'm writing this but I think we should break up. I hope you can find someone who can make you happy in the ways I couldn't. I'm going to miss you so much, I'm sorry."

 

We then had a conversation immediately after and both said we were missing each other already and loved each other. He called me his sexy beautiful (a nickname he had for me). He told me his heart lay with me, and I told him mine lay with him also. He told me not to delete his number, and he said "I don't think I'll ever delete your number". I told him "what will be will be, if we are meant to be together we will find our way back to each other in the future." He replied with "that's a nice thought." I thanked him for giving me some of the best days of my life and for teaching me what it meant to love (he's the only guy I've ever loved). He told me the tears on his face were turning in to rivers, his heart was pounding, and that he had to go. A few hours later he deleted his Whatsapp account (I know I'm not blocked, he has just deleted his account). We have been in NC for 3 days since that conversation.

 

My question is do you think he'll be in touch again? Why do you think he wants us to keep each other's numbers and wishes to never delete mine? (I think he knows friendship would never be an option)

 

Thank you, any thoughts/insights would be appreciated!!

[umirano]

My question is do you think he'll be in touch again?

It's possible, but unlikely. He seems to have given this second break up some thought and may have realized this isn't working. I'm sorry this happened to you. I suggest you stay broken up. One of the lessons I have learned so far is that second chances aren't usually working. Most likely any attempts at reviving a relationship just mean more hurt/disappointment. There's plenty of fish in the sea, especially when you're 22.

 

Why do you think he wants us to keep each other's numbers and wishes to never delete mine? (I think he knows friendship would never be an option)

I had exes say similar things to me but it didn't result in anything. It's a form of smoothing things over, expressing respect. One ex told me to keep her things she left at my place and to never send them to her, because 'we would definitely be back together in a few months'. I boxed them up and stowed them away. Eventually she wanted them back anyway and we are obviously not back together Don't read too much into it.

 

Good luck, stay busy and spent lots of time with friends and family.

[TheOnlyOne73]

It's possible, but unlikely.

 

Thanks for the response umirano. So you're saying he won't even be in touch to ask how I am?

 

I do think you're right about staying broken up, he has bailed on me twice now so I would find it hard to trust him even if he wanted to try again. I'm struggling with the concept of never seeing him again.