Beautybrunette07 Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 (edited) I have been on and off with this guy for 4 years and we recently got engaged this year. his mom has been a huge influence in our break ups, every time we break up he leaves, disappears, moves back to where he's from(which is states away) and ghosts me ,blocks me on everything text social media etc. he's done this plenty of time but this time I thought it was different since we were engaged. The ghosting and no contact is what drives me crazy. now he's come back (like always) communicating. I need advice to what should be the last things I say to him because he started contacting me in regards this hurricane and wants me to fly (just like I did last year ) back to his hometown and be with him and safe... so I lied and said I booked a ticket, he's excited And believes it and said " it will be nice to finally see you for one last time before we never see each other again I think we both need that " I hated that he said that because to me it sounded like I'm going out of my way for his closure, so I faked a plane ticket and telling him tomorrow I'll be on my way to the airport and when I need to shut my phone off for the "flight" I was just going to ghost him and never answer like he's always done to me and have him feel what I've always felt of him disappearing and completely cut ties and plan is to have control that I decided to move on and he can suffer. now what can I say as my last texts to him, to really make him feel the lost of me.. see when you're doing the ghosting it doesn't affect you but when you get ghosted then you learn your lesson and this is what I'm trying to do please do not be harsh and please don't tell me this is a immature, this is something I have to do for me to Move on but I just need advice on what I can say All before I ghost him?? Because when you get ghosted you reread text messages you re-read emails and you look at where you went wrong and I want him to look back at all the things I've said ... so lately til this "flight" I've been killing him with kindness but any advice ??? Edited September 9, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 I have been on and off with this guy for 4 years and we recently got engaged this year. his mom has been a huge influence in our break ups, every time we break up he leaves, disappears, moves back to where he's from(which is states away) and ghosts me ,blocks me on everything text social media etc. he's done this plenty of time but this time I thought it was different since we were engaged. The ghosting and no contact is what drives me crazy. now he's come back (like always) communicating. I need advice to what should be the last things I say to him because he started contacting me in regards this hurricane and wants me to fly (just like I did last year ) back to his hometown and be with him and safe... so I lied and said I booked a ticket, he's excited And believes it and said " it will be nice to finally see you for one last time before we never see each other again I think we both need that " I hated that he said that because to me it sounded like I'm going out of my way for his closure, so I faked a plane ticket and telling him tomorrow I'll be on my way to the airport and when I need to shut my phone off for the "flight" I was just going to ghost him and never answer like he's always done to me and have him feel what I've always felt of him disappearing and completely cut ties and plan is to have control that I decided to move on and he can suffer. now what can I say as my last texts to him, to really make him feel the lost of me.. see when you're doing the ghosting it doesn't affect you but when you get ghosted then you learn your lesson and this is what I'm trying to do please do not be harsh and please don't tell me this is a immature, this is something I have to do for me to Move on but I just need advice on what I can say All before I ghost him?? Because when you get ghosted you reread text messages you re-read emails and you look at where you went wrong and I want him to look back at all the things I've said ... so lately til this "flight" I've been killing him with kindness but any advice ??? The ghosting doesn't bother me as much as you allowing yourself to be a doormat . . . If you're gonna ghost, do a better job of it than he did. Be gone, be invisible. Block, delete, ignore. If you're gonna be a ghost, show him he's dead to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beautybrunette07 Posted September 8, 2017 Author Share Posted September 8, 2017 That's an amazing advice. Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 This relationship was inconsistent over the years. That's never a good thing. On and off relationships are toxic, and the fact that he ghosted you and showed up again is another huge red flag. Obviously, you need to cut contact with him and never speak to him again. So it's good that you recognize that. As far as this ghosting plan, I think that in the long run, you might find it less satisfying than you think you will. Trying to get back at someone usually backfires in weird ways. I think you will feel some satisfaction for a few days, but, eventually, you will want to contact him again to see if you hurt him. I think it will just be too tempting not to reach out and see how he handled you faking a plane ticket. What's the use to doing all of this if you can't revel a little in the fact that you tricked him? See where I'm going with this? If you want to go NC, the best thing to do is just do it cold turkey. No last grand goodbyes or plans to get back at people. I guarantee you this will all backfire. Wanting to get revenge shows that you are way too emotionally invested in this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beautybrunette07 Posted September 8, 2017 Author Share Posted September 8, 2017 I wasn't trying to get him to think that I tricked him and Faked a ticket ..no I want him to think I didn't get on that plane because I decided to end it for good Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 I wasn't trying to get him to think that I tricked him and Faked a ticket ..no I want him to think I didn't get on that plane because I decided to end it for good That's irrelevant. The fact is that you are very emotionally invested in him, & this will probably backfire. I'd bet good money you end up contacting him again to see if any damage was done. You usually end up playing yourself when you do this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 I second that notion. Trying to get even with someone WILL backfire somehow on you. I did something similar to you when I was younger. And I was successful in doing it and then one of my friends pointed out that I must still have feelings for her if I went through all of that trouble of trying to get even with her-even if those feelings were negative or positive. And he had a point. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Forget the revenge/mind-game crap. That stuff never plays out in reality the way you see it in your head! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beautybrunette07 Posted September 8, 2017 Author Share Posted September 8, 2017 Well I'm not in denial I do know I have very strong feelings for him he was my fiancé we are been very invested 4 years that's not a doubt ...I just feel like it might help me move on easier to know that it was my decision and I knew I had to end it instead of him always ending it and this not making me me feel rejected like I always feel when he ghosts me Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 (edited) Well I'm not in denial I do know I have very strong feelings for him he was my fiancé we are been very invested 4 years that's not a doubt ...I just feel like it might help me move on easier to know that it was my decision and I knew I had to end it instead of him always ending it and this not making me me feel rejected like I always feel when he ghosts me OP, I think the sooner you accept responsibility for where you are today, the sooner you move on from this rather than trying to come up with games to hurt him. You can't hurt him because he is not as emotionally invested as you are. The bold -- you both were on and off for 4 years so the reality is that for 4 years you allowed yourself to be treated poorly. Once, twice, 4 years later -- all on you. He is no more to be blamed. Just because you both stayed on a rollercoaster ride for 4 years doesn't mean it was a healthy investment. What should help you move on is YOU realizing that you are way above all this and knowing that you deserve more. These games you are playing is still you trying to get him to come to some realization that you are of value. If you don't value yourself, no one will. No more games. Cut him off completely. And start NC. When you play such games, especially when you play them from a place of weakness, you're likely going to get burned. Edited September 8, 2017 by Zahara 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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