Brymicp Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 A bit of a long story but essentially me and my ex-girlfriend broke up almost a month ago after 2-years together in a relationship. I say it non-dramatically, but she's one of the best things to ever happen to me. Her heart, kindness, respect and the way she treated me is unlike anything I've ever experienced. Well we try to kind of give each other space and time, but I'm really bad at that and inevitably I pushed her away. Things took a turn for the worst a few days ago when she told me off with some mean and nasty things that I could've never imagined coming from her. In return I went too far at times and said some really nasty, spiteful and disgusting things to her. She's blocked me and I know doesn't want to see me or hear from me. I've accepted that I've brought this upon myself, but my biggest struggle is that I felt like I've brought ugliness and grief to someone that seems life from a beautiful perspective...... I want to do some kind of kind/generous gesture at some point in the near future, anonymously. With no intentions of ever hearing back from her again, it's more me wanting to restore some doubt that someone she once thought so wonderfully of (me) is not the monster I turned myself into at the end.....I've thought about possibly something as little as flowers and her favorite chocolates being delivered to paying off some of her credit card debt, because she actually helped me very willingly with some financial troubles early in the relationship when I was in between jobs. Please, any feedback, either positive or tough to hear would be greatly appreciated. My heart is in the right place, I just want to be careful walking a fine line and ultimately want to do something from my heart to restore her faith in people. Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Leave her alone. Have you ever heard the expression "the person who broke you cannot be the fix"? Or something like that. Basically, you can't be the problem and the solution to a breakup that ended badly. Her faith will be restored. There's nice people out there. There's gonna be another to come and make her love again. You're just scared that someone thinks poorly of you. Well, your ex doesn't have to think you're a great guy. Just move on. Whatever you do is going to have the wrong message, piss her off further, and while you think it won't hurt you to not hear anything back because you did your good deed- IT WILL HURT. So let go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Don't bother with anonymous or monetary gifts. The best apology is direct, sincere and delivered without expectation of reciprocity. If she has blocked you, a short handwritten note mailed to her would suffice if you really feel you want to tell her you're sorry. And then just leave it at that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 For right now dont say anything. Harsh words were exchanged and nothing is going to take that back for now. Just respect her wishes for right now. Now MONTHS down the road if you still feel the need to say sorry that might be ok- just don't give her a long drawn out speech. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brymicp Posted September 6, 2017 Author Share Posted September 6, 2017 I think I will likely air on the side of eventually sending her either a note or an email at some point down the road, maybe months from now. I know she answered my e-mail on something brief yesterday, so I have that line of communication. I think for me to reach out to her at all in the coming weeks would be a mistake because everything is so raw. She has a birthday in 3-months so maybe shortly before that I'll send a note in the mail and let that be the defining moment in terms of whether or not she'd like to respond back or let things be. I know that even in the heat of things the other day, she had said that perhaps we could be friends in the future. Who knows. Thank you everyone for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 You do not want to do any of this for the altruistic reasons you espouse. You want to do this in the hopes of winning her back. If you really only care about the karma, make a donation to a charity in her name but don't tell the charity that. Just make the donation so you know you in your heart that you did it for her to restore the karmic balance. There should be no record anywhere. Anything else is you trying to find a way to impress her & get her back, no matter how much you say otherwise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brymicp Posted September 6, 2017 Author Share Posted September 6, 2017 For right now dont say anything. Harsh words were exchanged and nothing is going to take that back for now. Just respect her wishes for right now. Now MONTHS down the road if you still feel the need to say sorry that might be ok- just don't give her a long drawn out speech. Thank you. There's part of me that wants to write out an email or letter and send it off with an apology in the next week or so but I believe that wouldn't be received well. I think everything is too raw and fresh still and I think she still feels much disgust and plenty of negative feelings towards me. I don't honestly expect her to ever reach out to me, but I figure sometime towards the end of the year I'll try and reach out with a letter. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 While I don't believe you truly want to do something anonymously, and I do believe you are doing this in an attempt to win her back, I'll play. Make a gift in her name to a charity she has an affinity for. She'll receive a notice about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nothingsintheflowerz Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 She wants to be left alone. That's the best gift you can give her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brymicp Posted September 7, 2017 Author Share Posted September 7, 2017 For right now dont say anything. Harsh words were exchanged and nothing is going to take that back for now. Just respect her wishes for right now. Now MONTHS down the road if you still feel the need to say sorry that might be ok- just don't give her a long drawn out speech. Thank you. This is where I was leaning. As much as I have that urge to go around her demands to leave her alone, I've realize through this whole time that I've been selfish only thinking about my need to reach out to her, when she just flat out doesn't want to hear it now and possibly not anytime soon. Perhaps towards the end of the year I may send her a letter simply apologizing, asking her for forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
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