5 year relationship ended and no contact in over a year

[A1CPitz]

So last summer I had a 5 year relationship ended, and I think it's because I wasn't doing anything to better myself. But since then I've joined the military to be a linguist and have gotten better in every aspect of my life, but still each night I take a walk and look up in the sky and wish one day she would just contact me to see how I'm doing. I don't necessarily want her back, she was just a huge part of my life and with every accomplishment I achieve I just want to tell her all about it. Even after a year and a few months she still hasn't bothered to contact me despite me sending her a letter while in basic. It's just after countlesss memories and the great times we've had through the years how she just not care anymore? I just feel like I'm never going to love again. Any better coping methods?

[Hbroken]

why don't you contact her? You are not the same person anymore. You are not the person she left. Now you have the chance to either say hello, or build a healthy friendship again, or even start a new relationship with her. You will not be going back to the old relationship which is dead..but a new relationship (be that just friendship) with someone you care about is an exciting prospect

[ExpatInItaly]

Exes usually do drift out of each other's lives after breaking up. Sometimes there is some contact immediately following the split, but in my experience, sooner or later it drops off.

 

It's better for you this way. If she hasn't contacted you in more than a year, it's a fairly strong indicator that she's moved on. She isn't the one to be sharing your big moments and experiences with anymore. I know that's not an easy adjustment after a long-term relationship, but it is better that she isn't reaching out and giving you any false hope.

 

I wouldn't tell yourself it's because she doesn't care. If she is a decent person, she wants the best for you and hopes you're well. But you are not a couple anymore, and it wouldn't be appropriate in most cases to stay in each other's lives in that capacity. Think of how painful it would be if she did get in touch, you caught up, and then she went home to a new boyfriend or otherwise made it clear that you're not going to be hearing from her regularly.

[SevenCity]

Exes usually do drift out of each other's lives after breaking up. Sometimes there is some contact immediately following the split, but in my experience, sooner or later it drops off.

 

It's better for you this way. If she hasn't contacted you in more than a year, it's a fairly strong indicator that she's moved on. She isn't the one to be sharing your big moments and experiences with anymore. I know that's not an easy adjustment after a long-term relationship, but it is better that she isn't reaching out and giving you any false hope.

 

I wouldn't tell yourself it's because she doesn't care. If she is a decent person, she wants the best for you and hopes you're well. But you are not a couple anymore, and it wouldn't be appropriate in most cases to stay in each other's lives in that capacity. Think of how painful it would be if she did get in touch, you caught up, and then she went home to a new boyfriend or otherwise made it clear that you're not going to be hearing from her regularly.

 

 

This all day.

 

You say you don't want her back. I would bet money if she came begging you would take her in.

 

I'm in the same situation (ex of 7 years). The one time she reached out was for logistical reasons and I wish she never did.

 

You are so much better off never hearing from her ever again. You're not in a place to deal with it - the fact that you want to show her how you are better means you still care.

 

You need to get to indifference. Don't hope for contact as it will set you back.