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Ex just texted during NC

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Old 15th August 2017, 2:10 AM   #1
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Ex just texted during NC

After about 3 weeks of NC the ex texted me "hey" I chose to ignore her. What do you guys think about this?
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Old 15th August 2017, 2:33 AM   #2
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I think you did the right thing.
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
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Old 15th August 2017, 2:45 AM   #3
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Definitely did the right thing.

Not sure if you're the dumper or the dumpee, but in either case the boundaries need to be very specific. If you're the dumpee, however, this is extra dangerous because ANY conversation is going to con you into believing your ex is reconsidering or open to reconciliation. That's just how you will look at things in your current state.

I think the rule needs to be that you absolutely do not answer unless your ex begins by talking about reconciliation or having made a mistake. Anything else is just hollow, self serving contact that will leave you feeling hurt and confused.
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Old 15th August 2017, 3:37 AM   #4
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Sounds like someone is lonely and missing you, and is looking to start a conversation because they're bored. I know, I did that to an ex I dumped, and it started out with a 'Hey', and before I knew it, I was like, 'What the hell am I doing'.

If he/she would have opened with a message full of substance, talking about your relationship and wanting you back etc, then I would be more inclined to ask you more about your relationship break up and maybe there could be something in it worth saving... But 'Hey'... Yeah, don't get sucked in, stay NC and don't give him/her the power.

Feel free to post back in here and update us if he/she sends any more messages, but to be honest, as tempting as it may be (hell, I know I would be), try not to message back.
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Old 15th August 2017, 10:03 AM   #5
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Who did the dumping? You or her?
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Old 15th August 2017, 10:30 AM   #6
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We were together for 3 three years she was the one who left in my opinion I felt like I deserved for Than just a simple "hey" which is why I am sticking to my guns if she wants to shoot me a long text or call trying to work it out I would consider but littler text like that are not worth my time. while I do still love and miss her, ever since NC started I have been feeling great about myself. My whole life has changed around for the better
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Old 15th August 2017, 10:46 AM   #7
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Yup! If she was the one that dumped you. Then, she's just checking on you. She knows she hurt you. One thing about girls is MOST hate the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. So, she checking on you to see if this is the case.

If you would have responded, and you had a civil conversation, then you've just eased her guilt. "Oh look, I dumped him and we're talking like old friends.....he doesn't hate me after all."

Dude, just ignore it. You don't owe her anything.
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Old 15th August 2017, 11:42 AM   #8
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Much appreciated guys the more I'm gone from her the more I realized she had and ugly and selfish personality. Hopefully I'm on my way to a speedy recovery I know it is gonna take some though I do feel great I can finally sleep the whole night I do still sometimes dream about her but it's getting better and better and the days are becoming a breeze with nothing but happiness and motivation
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Old 15th August 2017, 2:54 PM   #9
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Either things didn't workout like she thought they would with someone else or she got curious to see how you were.
Either way it was to HER benefit.
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Old 15th August 2017, 3:49 PM   #10
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That's basically a feeler text. She's trying to feel you out and see where you stand. It's like bait. Don't take it.
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Old 16th August 2017, 8:01 AM   #11
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I was in the same situation as you, but 5 year relationship and im the dumpee and i got a text about a month and a half ago off my ex after 2 weeks of NC saying:

Hi, I hope your doing well and hope your okay! i know you probably dont care right now but just wanted to see how you are doing

I ignored it and then got a question mark the next day which i also ignored.

as much as it hurts me what happened between us, i knew it was best not to reply but why would she say this to me after doing what she done? (can be read in my thread if more info is needed)
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Old 16th August 2017, 8:08 AM   #12
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What do you mean she texted "during NC"? NC is forever. It's not some finite periods when after it passes you can go back to talking. It's also the antithesis of reconciliation.

Yes, the hey may have been a breadcrumb but if you are open to the possibility of reconciliation 1). that has to come from the dumper (her) which it did and 2). you two have to talk.

Yes the "hey" text was her opening salvo & it was lame but if you shut that down you may not get a second option because she may interpret your silence as a desire to never speak. She's not a mind reader & not everybody has the intestinal fortitude to admit when they are wrong.

So what do you want? Do you want to be indignant because she dumped you & hurt you or do you want to find out if she actually wants reconciliation.

I'd respond -- "Hey, what? You dumped me. If it's 'hey, I'm trying to make myself feel better by hoping that I didn't hurt you too much', you don't get to know how I'm doing. If it's something else, speak up but don't play games I deserve better than that."
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Old 16th August 2017, 10:45 PM   #13
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While I'd normally say ignore this fickle breadcrumb I have to say what d0nnivain said makes sense. I do believe that she is only trying to relieve her guilt by texting you one word.

She knows she hurt you and that's a sign of weakness. She has lost respect for you. I think personally the only way you will get her back is when you don't want her back. I'd suggest ignoring her. She will text you again I guarantee and then maybe say something like. "listen, I'm trying to get on with my life. Id appreciate it if you didn't contact me unless you were seriously thinking of getting back together. Thanks"
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