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I'm ruined physically and mentally because of my ex


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th August 2017, 6:22 PM   #1
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I'm ruined physically and mentally because of my ex

So my ex dumped me for being too nice and said it face to face ( you are not man enough for me you have accepted the bad way i treated you )

I blocked her from everywhere ( we have mutual friends )

Actually i did everymistake of being needy , too nice , clingy

I have been regretting my behavior for 2 month ( became mentally sick )

I just want to prove her that it was a mistake ( she has no single respect for me ) + she said i will never be a man and you cant protect me

Should i contact her and say i realised my mistake and she was right ? it really hurts and i cant forgive myself

im in severe pain because of the thought of my ex i did a mistake that i will never repeat... should i contact her or is it better to just ignore it ? if not how can i prove her wrong ? i dont want her back just the words of you will never be a man in you can never change because its who you are making me sick

Thank you
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Old 13th August 2017, 6:48 PM   #2
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She said bad things to make you hate her. I have a feeling that you got too clingy because she was pushing you away, and this was her way to break it off cleanly. She already wanted out but didn't know any other way to make you understand than to be as cruel as possible. You didn't make any mistake, she just didn't want to be with you anymore because the relationship ran it's course, she fell out of attraction which happens and it's normal. Respect her wishes and leave it be.

Please release her from your heart and stop beating yourself up....you didn't do anything wrong or made any mistakes....relationships just end, it's a part of life. IMO you would be more of a man if you moved on and ignore this cruel B&*^%
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Last edited by smackie9; 13th August 2017 at 6:52 PM..
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Old 13th August 2017, 7:02 PM   #3
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In my opinion, if someone has no respect for you, it is OVER. If someone claims that they don't love you anymore, there's a chance, but respect....ugh. That targets you to the CORE of who you are as a human being.

I lost respect for my ex and there was no coming back from that.

Leave it alone. Move on. If you don't believe what she is saying is accurate then change your life and don't let this happen to you again. Find someone else and treat her as you should and be a man (such a dubious term). Let your ex see that you've changed w/o looking as though you're groveling back for her attention. You said so yourself that you don't want to get back together. Move on.
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Old 13th August 2017, 7:11 PM   #4
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My advice would be that don't let the opinion of others (especially an ex) define you.

You have your reasons, and it's true that everyone needs to do personal work. And if you agree you need to work on certain issues, go ahead, but because you want to be more confident and better with yourself. Forget about her, she clearly has lost respect your you. How you say something can be as important or even more of what you said, and from what you mentioned she has been totally insensitive and have been able to articulate her need to you before so you could work on them while in the relationship.
Check out No More Mr Nice guy book, pretty interesting. It's not about stop being a nice guy but become an integral person. Setting boundaries, looking after yourself, embrace your masculinity, etc..

Best of luck. I've been there (a break up that shaped my inner core). It's very important you look after yourself, eat well and healthy, stay connected with friends and family, do sports, start a new hobby, etc..
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Old 14th August 2017, 3:17 AM   #5
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My ex, used to say things to me like, "You need to be more dominant" and "You need to be more decisive", in regards to making decisions and choices. I told her I'm not that kind of man and that she should find someone else if that's what she's after. I'm a laid back person, very chilled with a, let's see where life takes us attitude.

I'm a nice guy and always went the extra mile for my ex's, from leaving them surprises in there homes, for when they finished work, cooking dinners, getting lunch, making them lunch for work and dropping it around to them, even the odd bit of shopping etc. But even after doing all that, somehow it wasn't enough.

She had no respect for me, I was the butt of jokes or being put down, and she would hide behind a cloak of, "I'm only joking" or saying she had a dark sense of humour. In the end I left her, I was fed up of her manipulative ways and treating me like I'm second best.

Don't beat yourself up dude, you've had a luck escape from a doomed relationship. Just spend time working on healing. There is nothing wrong with being nice.
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Old 14th August 2017, 3:52 AM   #6
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Women in general like men to give them loads of attention, like men to be nice, like men to stay close, like men to be romantic, and like men to be affectionate and pleasant companions.
BUT there is a caveat, SHE has to be into you.

If she is not into you, all that niceness, all that affection, all that attention from you will make her skin crawl, she will hate it, she will call you clingy and needy and she will push you away.

Of course some women are damaged, they cannot accept "normal" relationships they need drama, they need fights, they need to be treated badly as that is what they are used to and what they know how to deal with.

Moral of the story do not change who you are to suit women who are not into you or women who are damaged.
Find a stable woman who is into you, who loves you and who will appreciate all those lovely things you want to do for her and she will in return do lovely things for you to make you feel good about yourself.
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Old 14th August 2017, 6:53 AM   #7
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Contacting her to tell her she was right only proves her point.

If you want to show her you have grown as a person & learned to stand on your own two feet -- do just that. Carry yourself with confidence & don't worry one whit about what she's doing or what she thinks.

Living well is the best revenge.
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Old 14th August 2017, 5:11 PM   #8
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Why would you make contact someone who has behaved so disrespectfully? She does not deserve your attention. What she said is no reflection on you, but it speaks volumes about the kind of woman she is. She is the kind of person who willingly denigrates others. You are free of her now, you could meet a lovely woman who will love and respect you.

I don't know if you know whether you are a more- or less-dominant person? In a relationship I like to feel that me and my partner are equals, albeit with different strengths and weaknesses. I know that others have preferences though - some women like a dominant partner, some prefer to be the one in charge. It might help you to get an understanding of what you prefer and therefore to be able to choose a compatible partner in the future.

This woman was rude to you. That is upsetting I know but don't waste any more time on her. If you do anything to try to 'make it up' with her, she will not respect you. You need to drop her from your life now and, once you have got over this, look forward to someone better.
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Last edited by spiderowl; 14th August 2017 at 5:13 PM..
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Old 15th August 2017, 10:41 AM   #9
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This always makes me shake my head. She wants the "bad boy" and you're not it. But, the funny thing is, she's going to get with a "bad boy" who has a reputation for being the "bad boy" and carries himself in that fashion, logic would dictate that sooner or later he is going to start to treat you BADLY!!!!

Then, after several relationships where she's treated like dirt. She'll want a relationship with a "nice guy". Someone that is going to treat them right. But, then she'll bitch and moan that there are no nice guys left. Because she was stupid and through one away.

Oh well.......HER LOSS!!!!!!
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Old 16th August 2017, 5:09 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sephan View Post
So my ex dumped me for being too nice and said it face to face ( you are not man enough for me you have accepted the bad way i treated you )

I blocked her from everywhere ( we have mutual friends )

Actually i did everymistake of being needy , too nice , clingy

I have been regretting my behavior for 2 month ( became mentally sick )

I just want to prove her that it was a mistake ( she has no single respect for me ) + she said i will never be a man and you cant protect me

Should i contact her and say i realised my mistake and she was right ? it really hurts and i cant forgive myself

im in severe pain because of the thought of my ex i did a mistake that i will never repeat... should i contact her or is it better to just ignore it ? if not how can i prove her wrong ? i dont want her back just the words of you will never be a man in you can never change because its who you are making me sick

Thank you
.


There's no such thing as being too nice and not "rough / bad boy" enough. You are who you are and should be respected as such. There's someone better for you out there. Just believe in yourself and it will happen. Good luck.
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Old 16th August 2017, 11:10 PM   #11
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I've been there and done that. Another nice guy. Don't spend another hour missing her. She is trouble for you. If she can't see how great you are, then it's her tough. I mean that. You shouldn't have to change anything for the right person to love you! Let her go off and find some bad boy that will treat her like ****. If thats what makes her happy in a relationship then I pity her. You had a narrow escape my friend.
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Old 17th August 2017, 12:36 AM   #12
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She's not good for you. That's not who you need in your life.
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Old 17th August 2017, 1:51 AM   #13
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If you can get some time under your belt...away from her....you'll see she's not the kind of woman you'd ever want in your life.

take care
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Old 17th August 2017, 9:04 AM   #14
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Sounds like you were the doormat in the relationship (don't be offended...we've all been there). You probably are a really nice guy and that's a quality you should not change for anyone. She sounds like the type of woman who likes to be challenged and 'put in her place.' I've been with women who explicitly said that's what they want; ie: Daddy issues. I prefer women who already know who who they are and where they should be.. but anyway. She's not the type for you, that's all. Going back or contacting her would only lower you in her eyes even more. Accept she's not the one.
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