Hope for the broken hearted (reconciliation)

[hopeandfaith89]

Hi everyone.

 

I wanted to write in this forum because last year was probably the worst year of my life due to so many factors but also due to my BF of 5 years breaking up with me. I used to read to so many of these threads, just to get the tiniest bit of hope, and some of them helped me through many awful days.

So I thought I would post my own story here.

 

BF broke up with me last year (january 2016), I was devastated, broken to say the least. I was a wreck. We were great together, of course had arguments here and there as any couple. We faced some really bad times together, and of course some really great ones. We went through many life milestones together. We were a great team, and there was loads of love and talk about marriage, babies, future, etc...From both sides.

 

However, things changed for him. He's a guy in his late 20's and he started experiencing a sort of "crisis". He wanted to be single one more time before the big commitments. His mindset took a toll on our relationship, and all of a sudden our time together became forced, boring, a routine. Theres so much more to it, but im trying to be as concise as I can.

He broke up with me, and I was devastated. He was my best friends. Dont get me wrong, I had a good social circle and life outside him too, but he was genuinely the one person who knew everything about me etc.

 

After we broke up, he refused to let me go NC. I tried hard to maintain it, didnt reply for days but then he would always turn up to my apartment or do something else of that sort. I will admit I didnt try HARD enough to keep NC because I loved him so much. And honestly he gave me a lot of false hope "If we stayed friends and hung out and spoke, we could maybe start fresh"

It was awful of him, but he just couldnt let go either.

 

He started seeing another girl, and I found out through social media (her social media). He denied it to me. I even said "Look, if you are seeing someone else Its OK. I rather know from you. You have the right to move on"

But he denied it, and eventually made her delete pictures etc. The pics she had up wasnt directly of him but they would be of his arm etc so it wasnt clear it was him (but ofc I knew).

 

Honestly that period of contact (a whole year), was horrible and I do not reccomend it to anyone. BE STRONG, CUT THE CONTACT!! ITS SO IMPORTANT. Especially if you want him to realise anything!!! I wish I would have listened to people but I didnt. And honestly it just ruined mined and his relationship cause we fought so much. It was just so confusing because he would still more or less treat me as a GF (good morning texts, several calls during the day, spending time together, only telling me his private issues) etc.

 

Anyway, as time went on, in October 2016 I found out that he did develop feelings for her and they were definately in a relationship. Again, never found out from him. His feelings for her were quite shallow though, as they never really got to know eachother as PEOPLE. She was a hot girl, blonde with big boobs which is what he loves in a girl, its fair enough cause everyone liked certain things. But the fact that he could get someone like her made him feel amazing about himself. She was the total opposite of me, she didnt care about him, she didnt support him, she played with his head. All they would do together was either sleep with eachother or go out partying. She never got introduced to his friends or family.

 

Anyway, after october 2016, I decided to move on. It was hard and horrible but I took the step. But this time, my SOUL WAS TIRED. Such a weird way of describing it but thats how it felt. Couldnt take it anymore. I was a good girlfriend, loving, kind, cared about him and his friends and family, exciting, funny etc..he has bad anxiety so I was with him in time where he was extremely unwell, broke, basically completely broken and I will say that I always helped him to stand back on his feet. Im not trying to brag about myself but I loved him so OFC Im going to try and be a good partner.

 

After Oct anyways, apparently she screwed him over. Slept with 20 + guys in whilst with him. Had 4 relationships in one go. And she mentally abused him (used to tell him hes worthless, make up stories to create fights, typical and pure sociopath). Also, as soon as I cut contact with him completely, he was a complete wreck and tried to contact me for months.

 

When he found out that his fantasy woman turned out to be very much less than a good woman, he understood what a great person he had lost and what it means to have a good healthy stabile relationship. After this he wanted me back, he was extremely upset he lost me. All the questions I had wondered were answered, yes he did regret, yes he did want me again. It was finally happening, just exactly what I wanted for so long.

 

So yes ladies and gentleman (in most cases) they do come back, they do regret they do realise that they have lost something amazing (if you were a good partner). Ive seen the same scenario in mostly all friends and family whos partner have left them in a similar manner. However, do not wait for this to happen. I came to the point where I didnt care anymore and was DONE, and then it happened. I do think that when your heart allows you, meet new people cause theres some good people out there. Have fun, BE YOU, build yourself up, be grateful hopeful and positive. Its easy for me to say this in hindsight because I was an absolute wreck but the process of healing is faster if you change your mindset a little bit.

 

Anyways, I felt like i had to come here and write my story because a year ago I was one of the unlucky people who always wondered "will he ever regret, will he ever come back"

 

Sorry for the long post, and I pray for all of you who are feeling awful at the moment. sincerely my heart is with you but please remember, BETTER DAYS ARE TO COME. You will be happy again, you will be YOU again!! Never lose faith and hope in that!

[MarvelFan1]

After 13 months with my ex, I broke up with her. I was fed up of being talked down to, belittled and always bending to her will when apologising.

 

After a few weeks of enjoying since life and doing my own thing, the novelty wore off and I missed her terribly, and a friend of mine told me how much she missed me and wanted me back, so I messaged my ex, and talked about reconciling. After a happy high for a few hours, I got a funny feeling that maybe I made a mistake. After sleeping on it and some home truths from my Mum, I decided to call off meeting up with her to talk about us. I felt terrible for getting her hopes up, I really did.

 

After this I went NC and I haven't heard from her since. 2 months later and. It a peep, and I'm back feeling so down, that I miss her so much. I wish she would contact me and ask to meet up and fix things. I did that once before and I don't want to do it to her again, because she may think I'm just time wasting again. I don't know what to do. I broke up with her for a reason, I didn't love her at the time, but my goodness I am clinging on to some hope that Im sure 99.9% will never happen. Maybe it's loneliness and guilt that's inside me. I never gave her a second chance that she asked for, I wasn't having it.

 

I'm keeping myself so busy doing loads of activities, but some days even that isn't enough to stop my mind wandering.

 

I've always rushed in where angels fear to tread and I need time to figure out me and what I want. I'm told better days are coming and I will find someone who will be the one for me and treat me right, but it's so hard to see that at the moment, when I'm stuck in the past pining for an ex.

Edited August 12, 2017 by MarvelFan1

[guest569]

Hi hopeandfaith, so I am curious (not sure if I missed this in your post) what did you do? When you said you "moved on" with the guy who had anxiety, was that a new relationship? Are you still with him? Or are you back with your ex? How are you feeling now?

[AT15]

Every relationship is different. I don't like going back to exs. I never really thought about returning to an ex until recently. But, sometimes when they hurt you, it's something that I could never get over.

 

My ex ex is making contact and sent me a message and I pretty much shut him down hard. Too much water under the bridge and I just can't be pulled back into darkness. He wasn't worth it, he proved that to me time and again.

 

I wish you luck. But, leaving you and coming back desperate is something of a second choice thing, safety net.

 

Don't be his crutch. I know it's hard. But you are more than that, you are a good woman. I hope he has learned his lesson, but I would be careful with your heart.