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Dumped out of nowhere

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 21st July 2017, 4:55 PM   #1
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Dumped out of nowhere

So my girlfriend of just less than 3 years is studying abroad is Europe this summer and a couple days ago she broke up with me. We have lived in the same city for a year and then semi-long distance (about two hours apart) until now.

Before she broke up with me she had been posting strange things on social media such as pictures of another guy with smiley faces. She tried to brush passed the issue. I pressed her more on the picture she was more aggressive. I will admit to being slightly paranoid on this topic because she hasnt done anything like that before.

A couple days later she posts another picture of words in Spanish on a piece of paper and "Google it" typed above on the post. The words translate to "friends with benefits." I texted her, told her I was upset by this and she shot back with things about how she cant handle my insecurities and proceeded to break up with me. She would later try to play this post off as a joke, although even my cruelist friends all think that there is a message in the picture.

I am on this message board with some help possibly reading between the lines. I cannot say that I think I was a perfect boyfriend, but I believe we had a very healthy relationship (we made time to contact each other while being long distance, spent a lot of time together when together in person, did not have issues fighting- if there was an issue we would argue and move but neither of us held grudges or anything like that) and she main reasoning was that while she has been studying abroad she thinks she is too held back by being in a relationship (which is a legitimate point IMO). My concerns are with the other details. She said that being long distance felt like we were too far apart, but also that she felt like she wasn't able to be independent and constricted by being in a relationship, which seems a little contradictory to me.

When I asked her how long she had had this feelings/been planning the break up she admitted that she had only started thinking about it the day I asked her about the guy she posted a picture of. This is interesting to me because unless her personality is completely different than what she let on to me, she is meticulous about planning and organization and it seems very out of character for her to do something so dynamic so quickly. This also ties into my next point.

We do have a long distance relationship and basically have separate friend groups. One of her most recent and best good friends is a lot more a party girl than my girlfriend and from (the little) I know about the friend is that this sounds like something she might plan out and she is also studying abroad with my ex currently.

I really am confused about this issue. I went from having a seemingly normal relationship with some time difference issues to her blocking me on every form of social media in less than an hour of me knowing. So I would very much appreciate any insights or thoughts you might have!!
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Old 21st July 2017, 5:08 PM   #2
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! She seriously did the Google thing saying translate it and it said friends with benefits and she's calling YOU out on your "insecurities?"

That's cold blooded.

It wasn't out of nowhere, babe. She gave you all the signs. The hurtful Facebook posts. She wanted you to see it and say something so she could turn it around in you and gaslight you to make you feel crazy!

It was cold blooded. Pure and simple. I know this hurts. But don't you dare feel bad like it was your fault. It wasn't! This is one of those things that you will tell stories about the worst girlfriend ever and laugh about to your friends. Seriously. What else can you do. It's pathetic. Nobody deserves that.

And hey.. when she comes crawling back to you after he treats her like crap, please please tell her to get lost every which way from Friday.

Last edited by Moderator; 23rd July 2017 at 8:12 AM.. Reason: language ~T
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Old 21st July 2017, 5:17 PM   #3
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She met another guy.

What's confusing you?
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Old 21st July 2017, 5:36 PM   #4
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Wow... That's just flat-out cold-blooded. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, my friend. Three years is a long time to be together and I know it's hard. She should have broken off the relationship before she started up another one. That isn't right. She's pretty immature if she thinks that she's "being held back" by a relationship when she's studying abroad for a few months.

Unfortunately, all you can really do is move on at this point. I suggest you break off all contact with her and keep it that way, even when she gets back. Be prepared for some rough emotional times ahead but keep a good group of friends and family around you, keep your wits about you (don't go looking for answers at the bottom of a tequila bottle, you won't find them there..) and just get past all of it.

Trust me, she's going to have an anvil dropped on her head emotionally when she gets back and doesn't find you around.

"The best revenge is a life well-lived".

Last edited by OatsAndHall; 21st July 2017 at 5:41 PM..
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Old 21st July 2017, 5:52 PM   #5
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It may be out of the blue from your perspective but it was cold & calculated from hers. She wanted the other guy.

Her attempt to try to blame you & your insecurities is a good reason to let her go.

Her blocking you will simply make it easier for you to stay no contact. Do you really want to see all the pictures of the new guy? That'll just rip your heart out.
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Old 21st July 2017, 6:17 PM   #6
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Thanks for getting back to me everyone!

I have some more info and some venting, hope you dont mind!!

So the two posts mentioned were 4 days apart and I (think I) agree that there were sort of baiting or just otherwise hinting at something... Anway 4 days seems pretty quick, it is possible that she had this plan and was just now pulling the trigger on the deal.

I also agree that the social media blocking is her basically doing me a favor although my friends have checked her out earlier today and she didnt post maybe good news there?

Another thing that is important is that she just turned 21 and hasnt really left home, shes in school and career driven (blah blah blah) but she still loves with her folks. Im wondering if she maybe isnt cheating on me and is just overwhelmed in the freedom of being away..I dont think I will ever have this answer but its been on my mind for a while...maybe just a way of thinking that she wasnt with someone else- because recently that seems to be a very real possibility

She did dump me over text and kept saying that she wanted to meet up and basically do it again. And this sounds like the worst kind of torment I can think of after a break up. Honestly I dont know what I would do if when she comes home she tries to win me over again. Right now, I think I would wanna at least talk to her. BUT the little devil inside me is telling me to make it hell for her. It's not my personality to look for revenge so most likely I just wont try connecting with her again and cutting all losses.

So the part thats really getting to me is that this was a 3 year relationship (and my first serious girlfriend) so you're going to hear some more. I mentioned we lived together for a year.. it was great! We were both at a community college and living with parents so it was like high school. The next year I transferred to a university and she went to a school in the city and it was still a good healthy long distance relationship. But at the end of the school year during finals the spark was beginning to die, but quickly relit (for me at least) when we were together in the summer. That summer she was diagnosed with cancer. So she was having surgeries and then chemo and the whole nine yards all summer...

The school year started again and I went back..coming home more often but still distant and she was cured about as that fall semester ended. The beginning of this last spring semester she met the friend shes studying abroad with now. She started going to some parties and stuff and when I came back we went to a few but both of us (we both suggested the idea) usually wanted to leave them early so she could hang out with me. Everything seemed fine in the beginning of this summer. like no weird vibes until she left for the EU and last week she dropped all of that on me.
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Old 21st July 2017, 6:28 PM   #7
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Very much agreed!! I've heard similar things about cutting contact, but thank you anyway its great advise. I also think you're right about her when she comes back. Studying abroad is a good eye opening experience but I think she personally is reading too much into it. The "freedom" of being in a new country on a glorified extended vacation might give the idea of how things work. Don't get me wrong freedom is great, but going away and not having obligations besides a hand full of classes every week is pretty deceptive of how any part of the world actually lives their lives.

But know I haven't been a bitter person yet in my life and don't plan on starting now. If she was with someone else or not, she made this decision herself.. Looking back it might have been a little "cleaner" if I just went with her plan without questioning and double checking but it's all on her. I think it will hit her HARD when she gets back and realizes that she did this all on her own.

Thanks again!
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Old 22nd July 2017, 11:40 AM   #8
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She may have been your first real relationship but she won't be your last.

Grieving the end of a relationship sucks. The pain is awful but you will survive. Hang in there.
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