Tgo1234 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 (edited) I have been seeing a guy who I feel so compatible with, feel so comfortable around, is very successful and charismatic, good at everything, great looking, and that all my friends love and respect for 3 months. (We're both in our late 20s). The first 3 months we were inseparable, although we tried to start off as friends it quickly started to get emotional and physical. We would text each other all day, see each other 5x a week and have the best times together. In other words, he was perfect for me. I really acted like a doormat because of this. I was constantly making myself available when he wants to hang out, and doing things for him. The problem is that I got stuck in a situationship with him. When I finally sat him down to discuss what we were (after sensing him pulling away), and ask if we were exclusive, he didn't want to call it a relationship. He said that although he isn't seeing anyone else, he just couldn't see marriage and kids with me, and doesn't miss me throughout the day anymore. (on a side note, the physical chemistry seems to be lacking too). He said he really loves me as a friend, and is 100% sure we're going to be best friends for life. (I don't know if this is because I'm a very reserved person to begin with, in addition to being a people pleaser in general so I haven't been able to be my authentic self in the physical aspects.) The problem is, I'm so head over heels for this guy, and this unrequited love is crushing me. At this point, I don't know what to do. Should I break off all contact with him? Should I try to be more physically open with him to respark what we had at the beginning? Should I be more aloof and earn back his respect and my perceived value? Is there anything I can do to get him to see a future with me? At this point, meeting other people just doesn't seem like an option because no one measures up to him in the slightest Edited July 16, 2017 by Tgo1234 Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 You are wasting your time with this guy I'm afraid. You may have all these feelings for him but unfortunately he has made it quite clear he doesn't see a future with you. Marriage or kids. Run. If you continue seeing this guy even as friends you will end up feeling used or unable to move on from him. You want a guy who feels the same way you do. You should cut all contact and remove yourself from his life. If he doesn't see a future with you then he shouldn't get all the benefits of having you around for sex or companionship especially because you feel you're in love with him. If you continue only you will get hurt as he doesn't share your emotional attachment which means he can continue sleeping with you but also leave you at the drop of a hat should something else come along. Do you want to be around to see him move on to someone else? To watch him fall in love with someone other than you? If you agree to friendship this is what you would be willing to put up with. Don't bother. You've found out how he truly feels which is very little so walk away. Be strong for yourself to know accepting less than what you want here would only be detrimental to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 He's just going to waste your time. Unrequited love is foolish. It may not be easy, but you need to dump him. You'll get over it after awhile and find a partner who reciprocates your interest and feelings. But it's going to have to be you that's decisive, because he won't have any qualms about wasting your time as long as he's getting easy sex with no strings attached. Pairing up is hard because it's subject to a problem of economics called The Double Coincidence of Wants. Link to post Share on other sites
MarvelFan1 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 To be brutally honest, if someone doesn't see a future with you, then it's time to start moving on with your life. By the sounds of it, he enjoyed a few months of fun with you, and then decided now he has had his fun, it's time to move on to the next person. You shouldn't be used like that, and deserve better. In the beginning, everyone seems perfect, faultless and the only one for them, because we're all in the smitten stage. Never judge the qualities of a person or the relationship after a few months. Look at this as a blessing, you know that your not going to be stuck in a relationship going nowhere with someone who doesn't want kids or marriage, you have a chance to move on and find someone who actually wants you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Been there done that. Just recently. She didn't see a future yadda yadda. Went no contact. Haven't heard a peep...now she's dating someone else. If you have to convince someone to be with you, it's dead. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 The best way for you to be able to move on is to do no contact with him. You can't change that he doesn't see you as wife material. If you keep being friends, it would take a miracle for you to find someone else because your focus would still be on him and others might think you're still together. I say announce your breakup and see if there were any guys waiting in the wings. And don't take what he said as it being your deficit or anything. People grow up and have programmed into them an idea of "the appropriate wife" or husband, and it seems like guys especially take this pretty seriously and will sometimes blow off someone they do love for someone their mother would approve of. I think it's cowardly, but that's how it is. I wouldn't give him the comfort of my friendship if he didn't even respect me enough to think of me seriously, if even in the abstract. And it also sounds like he was losing attraction. People do that. It's not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I have been seeing a guy who I feel so compatible with, feel so comfortable around, is very successful and charismatic, good at everything, great looking, and that all my friends love and respect for 3 months. (We're both in our late 20s). The first 3 months we were inseparable, although we tried to start off as friends it quickly started to get emotional and physical. We would text each other all day, see each other 5x a week and have the best times together. In other words, he was perfect for me. I really acted like a doormat because of this. I was constantly making myself available when he wants to hang out, and doing things for him. The problem is that I got stuck in a situationship with him. When I finally sat him down to discuss what we were (after sensing him pulling away), and ask if we were exclusive, he didn't want to call it a relationship. He said that although he isn't seeing anyone else, he just couldn't see marriage and kids with me, and doesn't miss me throughout the day anymore. (on a side note, the physical chemistry seems to be lacking too). He said he really loves me as a friend, and is 100% sure we're going to be best friends for life. (I don't know if this is because I'm a very reserved person to begin with, in addition to being a people pleaser in general so I haven't been able to be my authentic self in the physical aspects.) The problem is, I'm so head over heels for this guy, and this unrequited love is crushing me. At this point, I don't know what to do. Should I break off all contact with him? Should I try to be more physically open with him to respark what we had at the beginning? Should I be more aloof and earn back his respect and my perceived value? Is there anything I can do to get him to see a future with me? At this point, meeting other people just doesn't seem like an option because no one measures up to him in the slightest Sorry. Guys like that, so young, tend to be some of the most effective players. They KNOW that you think they are 'the bomb' and use that to keep you around until they are ready to move on. You said it yourself, you acted like a doormat. Yeah, break contact, otherwise, he will see that you're still a doormat and at best keep you around for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
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