Done with life

[brokenforever]

Dear all,

 

I have read the forums for a couple of months now, but I can't take this anymore. I broke up in january after a 2 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend. She has a new boyfriend. When we broke up it was mutual as we both agreed it was over. But as time passed I started missing her really bad. Since then I have met new people and even had a new relationship which ended 2 months ago.

 

Over all these months I started to miss my (first) ex-girlfriend worse and worse. She was the nicest person I have ever met. She was my first girlfriend. I know about the no contact guides and I have tried so hard but sometimes I break because these emotions are too strong to cope with. I end up texting her with emotional messages and she replies kind but she has a new boyfriend and other times she ignores me.

 

The last month I can't take it anymore. Again, I know the no contact rules but I keep breaking and tonight I watched her facebook full of photo's with her new boyfriend. When I saw that I felt and still feel the worst pain. It's nighttime here, I am losing it. I text her 10 messages and my stupid brain even considered to go to her house in the middle of the night. I am done with all this pain. I know I am so stupid to break no contact but I want her back so bad but she has somebody else. My mind cant handle this. I dont want to live without her anymore. My future and life are done. The pain is so strong. I cant get her back and I cant ever find somebody like her. I am 26 and my life is over. Now I want to die I dont care about life anymore.

[FailedFirstLove]

Hey,

 

Hang in there. The pain is hard but it won't last forever. It will lessen eventually but it takes time on the days that seems unbearable you have got to find a way to cope. Whether it's crying it out or talking to a friend. Breakups does not mean the end of anything. Just the relationship that didn't work out.

[basil67]

Let's rewind: You say that you both agreed that the relationship was done. What parts of the relationship weren't meeting your needs?

[isolatedgothic]

Your post is heartbreaking. You felt a very strong connection to this girl, and yet the relationship did not work out, and now you feel devastated and as though this is the only relationship you will ever care to have. That can be really hard to walk through alone.

 

I think it would be a really good idea to call your doctor, and talk to him/her about options. Get a good recommendation for a counselor to talk to. Sometimes, a qualified person can help you work through the grieving process, and you are definitely in the middle of grieving a huge loss in your life.

 

Remind yourself of how it destroys your heart to look at her social media pages. This is not no contact, if you are still looking at her to see what she is doing. It is only making your life more miserable. What's important is YOUR life. Not hers. Remember life before she came along? You were going along all right, and living and making plans and achieving your life's goals. You can find that person again.

 

Please reach out to someone who will listen. If you don't know someone who will listen without judgment, seek out a crisis line. Listening Ear is one. Reach out. Do not sit alone in this extreme sadness. You are 26 years old, and you are worth so much.

 

Keep posting. We are here for you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Things are always so much worse at night. Joy really does come in the morning, so hold on to that.

 

In the meantime, please reach out to a suicide hotline if you're really feeling as bad as you are coming off . I'm so sorry for your pain .

[Blanco]

I won't say the first heartbreak hurts the most, but it's definitely jarring, because you have no frame of reference; nothing to compare it to. It can literally feel like you're walking around with an open wound.

 

I empathize with your situation, but you have to do what you can to minimize the bad feelings. Checking up on her is going to drive you insane. You need to delete her from all social media, and if possible, block her.

 

Do not call her. Do not text her. And for your future's sake, please do not show up there unannounced. You do that, and your troubles are possibly just beginning.

 

Stay strong.

[SammySammy]

I know that pain. Awful. I had never felt anything like that before.

 

Your life is not over though.

 

You know about No Contact. Gotta do that and you have to be consistent. It gives you time and space to heal.

 

No Contact is not enough though. You've got to do something ... many things ... to grow and develop. To occupy your time and your mind while you heal. For many men, it's working out. Throwing yourself into working, study, hobbies, friends, traveling ... or all of the above. Doing positive things to move yourself forward while you heal is the best way to get over a breakup that I know of.

 

In due time the pain will ease. And eventually subside altogether. Just make sure you're in a better place when it's over.

 

Wish you the best. You can do it.

[joemesina]

You are not alone, we are at the same boat, I feel your pain and heartbreak, we must be strong, the future will be better and happier, I also miss a lot my ex of a 7 year relation, and we have been broken for 8 month and recently found out that she slept with a guy, and is seeing another one.

Like I did, delete her and block her from social media, delete her phone number everything, and avoid seeing her pictures at any cost. Its very hard, and also avoid her at any cost

 

Try thinking that you are dealing with a different person, the girl you knew is gone, she isn't dating anyone, she is just gone, and might never return. she has the same body but with a different soul, and this person is not the girl you loved and loved you.

 

Think about that it helps, at least for me it did.

 

Wishing all the best

[GeekLover]

This is heartbreaking to read. I've been here before, as have many of us. Please heed the advice given to you here.

 

You will feel so much pain for the first few months. That is a given. Scream. Cry. Don't hold it in. I remember having many episodes where I literally SCREAMED until my my throat hurt. Just feel it and purge it. It will help.

 

Next, dispose of all signs of her. Delete her number, pictures, texts, emails, social media connections. Or at least file emails/texts/photos into a digital album you can tuck away online somewhere. (I did this with emails, but deleted all texts and his number). You just don't need her popping up here and there when you are checking email or texts. You don't need to be tormented by old messages and reminders.

 

Also, dispose of gifts. Any memento that reminds you of her...tickets, gifts, cards, etc...tuck them away or throw them out.

 

I enjoyed doing this bit by bit - Throwing things off bridges into creeks...snapping things in half and tossing them in the trash...just simply driving to dumpsters and dropping off gifts he gave me there. It felt AMAZING!!! And I didn't regret any of it.

 

Again, I did this piece by piece. It wasn't all at once when emotions ran high. I'm 8 months in NC now and I'm sure I'll still come across some things I would like to toss.

 

All in good time.

 

Don't feel like you need to rush your healing. There's no deadline.

 

Be gentle on yourself, and if you're willing...get some professional help. I did this about 6 months in, and it has made a world of difference. I wish I had done it sooner.

[Sweetfish]

Dear all,

 

I have read the forums for a couple of months now, but I can't take this anymore. I broke up in january after a 2 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend. She has a new boyfriend. When we broke up it was mutual as we both agreed it was over. But as time passed I started missing her really bad. Since then I have met new people and even had a new relationship which ended 2 months ago.

 

Over all these months I started to miss my (first) ex-girlfriend worse and worse. She was the nicest person I have ever met. She was my first girlfriend. I know about the no contact guides and I have tried so hard but sometimes I break because these emotions are too strong to cope with. I end up texting her with emotional messages and she replies kind but she has a new boyfriend and other times she ignores me.

 

The last month I can't take it anymore. Again, I know the no contact rules but I keep breaking and tonight I watched her facebook full of photo's with her new boyfriend. When I saw that I felt and still feel the worst pain. It's nighttime here, I am losing it. I text her 10 messages and my stupid brain even considered to go to her house in the middle of the night. I am done with all this pain. I know I am so stupid to break no contact but I want her back so bad but she has somebody else. My mind cant handle this. I dont want to live without her anymore. My future and life are done. The pain is so strong. I cant get her back and I cant ever find somebody like her. I am 26 and my life is over. Now I want to die I dont care about life anymore.

 

 

I understand the pain you feel, but you're not the only one that has lost someone and many here, some worse than you and some not so worse. Don't expect that every scenario you come across is set in stone.. people lose their husbands, wives, girlfriends, and boyfriends. Its part of life and accepted it and move own. Stop looking to worship what you had and worship the life ahead of you. You dying for someone else means you love others more than your self and that is key into looking deeper into the problems that lies within you. She is not the issue you need to resolve... the reason and need to submit to another instead of carving out a path for your self.. You have not carved a path for your self and relied everything on only one person. You just dont do that...or you become lost and have no true purpose and you made your ex your true purpose. Not you lost her and now look where your at.

 

I think you should find some close friends to talk to or maybe family and find a therapist to speak to. Other than that... its just not worth it man... you're way worth more than you think.

[BaileyB]

Your post is sad to read. But, as they say, life goes on...

 

And as the song goes, breaking up is hard to do. Find comfort in the fact that everyone has been there. It's sad, and you will feel very lonely... But, you will get through it.

 

Your breakup is recent. Give yourself some time to grieve. There is no magic to loss - it's about self care, spend time with friends, go out, do the things that you like to do. When you get involved in life, good things happen.

 

Stay home and wallow, and you will only become more lonely and depressed.

 

You are 26 years old. With all due respect, your life is not over because you broke up with a girl. Your life is still beginning. You have no idea the people you will meet or the things that are in your future. Things always get better, with time. Take care.

Edited July 12, 2017 by BaileyB

[Bastile]

Only woman I ever cried over was when my grandmother passed away.

 

Sad/angry/a little lost? Of course. But don't cling to grief - that is indulging in it.

 

You don't cry upon reaching the bottom of the wine bottle, because there are so many other regions to explore. And you know that no matter how great the taste, everything must end.

 

The relationship lived it's lifespan, and now you must move on to other things. Different experiences await.

 

You are very far from done with life.

[brokenforever]

Thank you all for your kind replies. It really helps me reading them and hearing that alot of you are or have been in the same pain. I actually feel a little better now. From now on I have to go 100% waterproof NC forever even though my emotions don't want to but my willpower has to do it.

 

You people are amazing and this community is a special place.

[d0nnivain]

brokenforever

 

Your name is inaccurate. You are broken for NOW. Not forever.

 

Yes it hurts. Yes, it sucks. But in time you will heal & you will live to love again.

 

This last break up was mutual. That tells me you acknowledged the problems in your relationship. Last night in your melancholy state you were only remembering the good times not the bad stuff that broke you apart.

 

The small silver lining here is that you see both of your EXs as fundamentally good people. That tells me your next GF will also be a good person.

 

You have to mourn the loss of your relationship. It's part of the healing process. It sucks but you will get through it. Hang in there. Keep posting here. Surround yourself with supportive people. Disconnect from social media so you stop picking at the wound in your heart.

[Goodguy05]

Dear all,

 

I have read the forums for a couple of months now, but I can't take this anymore. I broke up in january after a 2 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend. She has a new boyfriend. When we broke up it was mutual as we both agreed it was over. But as time passed I started missing her really bad. Since then I have met new people and even had a new relationship which ended 2 months ago.

 

Over all these months I started to miss my (first) ex-girlfriend worse and worse. She was the nicest person I have ever met. She was my first girlfriend. I know about the no contact guides and I have tried so hard but sometimes I break because these emotions are too strong to cope with. I end up texting her with emotional messages and she replies kind but she has a new boyfriend and other times she ignores me.

 

The last month I can't take it anymore. Again, I know the no contact rules but I keep breaking and tonight I watched her facebook full of photo's with her new boyfriend. When I saw that I felt and still feel the worst pain. It's nighttime here, I am losing it. I text her 10 messages and my stupid brain even considered to go to her house in the middle of the night. I am done with all this pain. I know I am so stupid to break no contact but I want her back so bad but she has somebody else. My mind cant handle this. I dont want to live without her anymore. My future and life are done. The pain is so strong. I cant get her back and I cant ever find somebody like her. I am 26 and my life is over. Now I want to die I dont care about life anymore.

 

 

Bro i can sooo relate. It's been 10 mths in my case and the ex I found out is going on holidays and it's killed me. It's normal to feel this way especially when there wth someone else. It will pass but I'm about where u r pain wise at the moment. We shld try and stop finding information out about then it only opens old wounds dude take care bro and know I share in ur pain

[Spartakooty]

Totally sucks. I found out my ex is now dating someone else after less than 2 months apart. Thing is, rather than be jealous I have to take the higher path and hope that she can find a better type of happiness with this guy. After all, we all want happiness...and yes I want her to be happy. Our relationship was a struggle and never really gained anything that can be construed as stable. I still loved her and felt a strong connection, but I knew there were issues. Time is and distance is both your enemy and friend. Each day will feel like a week, but the more days pass, the more the connection weakens. I had to admit that a large part of this healing process was simply my ego getting stomped on. Time will fix this also when you start to feel like your awesome self again. Then you can say, it really wasn't me it was her! Don't date right now. You'll only compare them to her. I tried. But after nearly 3 long months I now feel like dating again, and am! And I'm no longer comparing her to my ex. I am also seeing our differences more clearly and wondering, despite the pain, could it really have worked long term. Like they say, it's a break up cuz it's broken. It's a hard thing to admit. You'll look back on this as a great learning experience and laugh at yourself, trust me. And please please bear in mind, no one is worth ending a life over, not one single person. I know you mention this sentiment, and I hope it's just words, but if you feel you need to speak to someone professionally go do it. There is no shame in it. I thought about seeking help, but then the pain subsided and my happiness started creeping back in. Now I'm at a point where I can constructively look at what happened and what my actions were. At the end of the day we can't change people, just our perspective to them. And that means being happy for her, and looking after yourself.

[Pumpingiron34]

jeez i almost cry every time i read this stuff. So many people saying so many helpful things just makes me so happy. Its so hard man i lost my first love a 5 year relationship, i loved her to death regardless of her showing signs of being psychotic. We had one last fight and that was it, than she left me a week later banged a friend of mine than some other guy i knew and is now been in a relationship for a year.

 

All while i was begging her to fix the relationship with me. The pain still comes and goes because its so hard remembering the bad when your constantly haunted by good memories.

 

I miss her everyday and wish she was a different person but, you finally reach a point where you accept that she is not who you were in love with anymore. Im going on a year and a month broken up. Theres still days i wish i can erase my mind. I made it this far, you can too. It only takes one other girl to change your mind anyways and you might even love her more.

[BrokenHeartedMan89]

Right mate,

 

I've not read everyone's response but I assume they've told you the same as what i'm about to. I've been where you are at now, hell i even made the noose... i was that close to ending it, like you I was 27 and she was my first girlfriend, it broke me as it has broken you... but broken things are put back together stronger, more resilient and more determined.

 

I know the pain feels unbearable, but it does lessen. A year from now it will ache, but it wont be crippling pain. That's where i'm at.. if it changes that much in a year, think where you'll be 5 years away. Still only just turned 30 and that's the best time to settle down with a wifey.

 

You've got two things to do right now:

1. GYM - morning and night - reduce the cortisone that's swimming through your mind - exercise actively reduces this. Added benefit is you'll have the passion right now to get in to the best shape you will ever be in. Use the pain as a fuel.

 

2. No F'in Contact - I dragged out contact for months, I begged, pleaded I changed, dropped hints of happy memories, fb stalked... the lot. The only bit of clear thoughts you will get is by having absolutely no contact whatsoever. She dumped you and moved on, she more than likely was thinking about it for a long time. She betrayed you and doesn't care about you.

 

SO ... WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!

 

Collapse in to a black hole of self-pity and depression. Hang your entire existence on the opinion of a woman that's already dismissed you?! Let you lose the rest of your life in a martyr moment of unrequited love?! That ****'s for losers and **** out dated romance films.

 

OR... go about the rest of your life to make it the best of your life?

 

It's your choice... It took me the best part of 8-9 months to get to that decision. Don't waste any more seconds of your precious life to get to this point like i did.

 

A gaseous nebula needs to collapse for a star to form. Go shine.

 

All the best mate, you are not alone.

 

ps. Watch youtube videos on starting over / finding your passion / heartbreak / motivation. Watch them religously, listen to them when you're driving. Make sure every moment of your day is occupied with what you're doing to motivate and improve you!

[brokenforever]

BrokenHeartedMan89 you are so right. Thank you man. Very inspirational post. Reading it just switched my brain to the right mindset. I am going NC and I will stop living the past. Thank you all guys for posting. We can do this.

[Seth0194]

I won't say the first heartbreak hurts the most, but it's definitely jarring, because you have no frame of reference; nothing to compare it to. It can literally feel like you're walking around with an open wound.

 

I empathize with your situation, but you have to do what you can to minimize the bad feelings. Checking up on her is going to drive you insane. You need to delete her from all social media, and if possible, block her.

 

Do not call her. Do not text her. And for your future's sake, please do not show up there unannounced. You do that, and your troubles are possibly just beginning.

 

Stay strong.

 

Blanco speaks truth, it hurts and sucks but you have to stay strong. Block her in every way you can. So you are not tempted to go look in and see what she is doing. Hit the gym, I promise you will feel better, even if only for an hour while there.

 

If you are feeling like hurting yourself, please call a hotline. I swear this will pass, but death is permanent, there are people dying who have no choice and want to live. Never waste the life you have been given, the pain you feel will make you stronger.

 

Use this site as much as you need too. Start a journal of your feelings write them down, get those emotions out.

Prayers for you.

[LoveBug143]

Hang in there! I'm going through a break up myself, literally just a few days ago.. and its painful. Sometimes you just feel so helpless and like the heartache will never go away.. but it does! This. too. shall. pass. Remember those 4 powerful words. This pain will not last forever. I know you don't see a light at the end of this very dark tunnel, but tis there. I promise! Find comfort in knowing that you have people like me, going through the very same thing. And guess what? You might go through heartache again.. and you'll overcome that when it happens too! stick to the NC rules and focus on bettering yourself. In due time, this will all be over my friend.