monmon238 Posted April 8, 2017 Posted April 8, 2017 (edited) Hey beautiful people , Me and my ex broke up 4 month ago because of some personality differences and she said she can’t change herself or wants to change me (we have been together for 1 year). Just one week before she broke up with me, she told me that she will love me forever and that she can’t live without me, a week later we had a couple of fights and then she broke up with me with a text, we had a lot of texts back and forth and met twice but after one month of the breakup she said she did not love me when I told her I want her back, however, she wants to stay in contact and be “friends”, and during the first 3 month of the breakup I tried everything to get her back but nothing worked. About a month ago I told her its better that we don’t have any contact at all cause I still love her and being in contact will just torture me. She wrote me once since then to check on me after there was some kind of attack at the train station of the city i live in, but didn’t want to answer cause I had a feeling she only wanted to stay in contact to see if am still hung up on her and to boost her self-esteem and she wants me to be there as her back up plan I guess.(was this too mean of me not to answer?) I still love her very much and think about her every day and miss her incredibly, but I don’t know what to do, I know for a fact that she stalks me every day on facebook and instagram, cause I have my instagram account on private and she sends me requests to follow me and I decline and as soon as I decline she sends another request. Does this mean she still loves me but saying otherwise? Or is just curious how my life is after her? Everyday I think of texting her and asking her if she wants to try again or see me but I don’t cause I don’t want her to keep playing with me. I read some posts saying, if you want someone back, you have to let them go, and apply the no contact rule. What do you guys think? Thank you for reading my crap Edited April 8, 2017 by monmon238
choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Definatly stay in NC. ignore all of her freind requests to. The only way I would break NC is if she texs you "I love and, and I made a mistake". And even then don't welcome her back with open arms. Date her and take things slowly so you don't get hurt again man. Her adding you on social media could just be her trying to be freinds. In which case do not do it. It's better for your sanity to remain in NC.
choyhtya Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 If you go begging back to her it will make you look unatractive to. I don't think she loves you since she was the one who left. If you meant anything to her she will contact you and want to reconcile, but anything short of that says that she doesnt't by the sound of it.
Altair0770 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Just so you're aware, all the being friends for 3 months or whatever decreases your chances of her coming back. Applying NC and being a man will prevent you from decreasing your chances further. Remember that when you think about breaking NC. To answer your question - yeah she probably still does love you, but not in love with you. Let her find that love again on her own. She'll miss you when you're gone. And ignore all her messages that aren't begging for you to come back. Even then, make her work for it. She broke it, it's up to her to fix it.
basil67 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 she said she can’t change herself or wants to change me It sounds like she saw some basic incompatibility issues. It sounds like there was a part of you which she couldn't change to accept and realises that she can't change you. What was going on?
basil67 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 Wait - your history has it all http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/605962-she-broke-up-me-cause-i-criticized-her-hygiene If you want her back, are you happy to be more relaxed regarding her hygiene? Are you prepared to apologise and say that you were too uptight and you'd be more chill in future? If you're not prepared to make this change, you've got no hope in getting her back.
Author monmon238 Posted April 11, 2017 Author Posted April 11, 2017 (edited) Wait - your history has it all http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/605962-she-broke-up-me-cause-i-criticized-her-hygiene If you want her back, are you happy to be more relaxed regarding her hygiene? Are you prepared to apologise and say that you were too uptight and you'd be more chill in future? If you're not prepared to make this change, you've got no hope in getting her back. YES! i appologized a thousand times and told her i will loosen up and to give me chance and how much she means to me, however she just said no. Edited April 11, 2017 by monmon238
todreaminblue Posted April 11, 2017 Posted April 11, 2017 (edited) no contact is for healing.....not to get someone back...if you want her back i suggest you say that and express your true feelings.....but...if you already know what the answer will be no i think you know no contact is for you to heal and get over her...i wish you well..that saying where you say if you love someone set them free if they come back they are yours if they dont they never were ... people forget to write that last part of the saying...they never were yours......coming back means telling her you howshe feels about you she has changed her mind and wants to work on it...... not just asking how you are ......when i let something free ..for example......when i release wild animals or birds i heal ...i dont expect them to come back....ever.....the same with people...i release...i tell them im here....but i dotn expect them to stay or come back.......i just wish them well and hope they make it...i think about them and soemtimes i might even look up and wonder fi th edove i see is the dove i released is it the same dove....probably not...but the thought does make mesmile...thats healing............deb Edited April 11, 2017 by todreaminblue
fromheart Posted April 12, 2017 Posted April 12, 2017 Hey beautiful people , Me and my ex broke up 4 month ago because of some personality differences and she said she can’t change herself or wants to change me (we have been together for 1 year). Just one week before she broke up with me, she told me that she will love me forever and that she can’t live without me, a week later we had a couple of fights and then she broke up with me with a text, we had a lot of texts back and forth and met twice but after one month of the breakup she said she did not love me when I told her I want her back, however, she wants to stay in contact and be “friends”, and during the first 3 month of the breakup I tried everything to get her back but nothing worked. About a month ago I told her its better that we don’t have any contact at all cause I still love her and being in contact will just torture me. She wrote me once since then to check on me after there was some kind of attack at the train station of the city i live in, but didn’t want to answer cause I had a feeling she only wanted to stay in contact to see if am still hung up on her and to boost her self-esteem and she wants me to be there as her back up plan I guess.(was this too mean of me not to answer?) I still love her very much and think about her every day and miss her incredibly, but I don’t know what to do, I know for a fact that she stalks me every day on facebook and instagram, cause I have my instagram account on private and she sends me requests to follow me and I decline and as soon as I decline she sends another request. Does this mean she still loves me but saying otherwise? Or is just curious how my life is after her? Everyday I think of texting her and asking her if she wants to try again or see me but I don’t cause I don’t want her to keep playing with me. I read some posts saying, if you want someone back, you have to let them go, and apply the no contact rule. What do you guys think? Thank you for reading my crap You walking away has created attraction, as it shows self respect and and an intolerance to being controlled by her emotional imbalances, that makes her feel secure. However should you become available to her again, she'll probably dump you again. She's done it once and got away with it, and the make up/break up cycle will give her an illusion of control over her own issues. Nothing to do with you, just her own mental space. People who say 'I can't change,' are bad long term potential partners as they have a mental block preventing their natural growth and ability to deal with life's problems. Saying you love someone one week and then dumping them the next....borderline psychotic behavior in my books. I wouldn't stand for any of this, walk on to better things.
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