The hardest part about a breakup?

[ltomlinson81]

For me, it is the fact that there is always one person in the relationship who moves on right away and has a grand ol' time, while the other is hurt, angry and scarred. I am always that second person...

[NTB]

well i guess i am that second person since my ex after a 3 month break up has started dating again and called to tell me about

[st8toftheheart]

I've been both.

 

All I can say is don't generalize the first person. That first person may have been through alot and be releived to be out of that relationship.

 

The first person and second person roles can differ from relationship to relationship and sometimes it not always the first person who is the bad person.

[flsgirl]

I have a really hard time with a few things once a break-up occurs.

 

The first being that my self-esteem suffers immensely when I have been dumped and I always wonder what's wrong with me. I know I'm a hot and really cool woman that has a lot going for her, but it still gets me every time.

 

The second is that my routine has be disrupted. I got so used to sleeping the same bed as my ex or spending time with him having our little rituals that we did a certain night and not being able to talk to him. It's hard to have to cut someone out of your life when they were such a big part of it for awhile.

 

The third problem I have a hard time dealing with is what all of you have already stated: the he's-moved-on-and-doesn't-even-care-about-me mode. I always get it in my head that I'm not even a thought in his mind and he couldn't care less about me. In my case I think it's because he told me that he didn't want to lose me and thinks I'm the most amazing person and have inspired him and then I've never heard from him since then. It's been two months. Ouch!

 

I mostly hate overanalyzing things. It can drive a person mad!

[tricky]

Hi guys, I'm quite new to this, but I am more or less in the same situation as all of us on this blog.

 

Anyway, the hardest part for me would have to be missing the companionship. The whole best friend thing. I also am a very sexual and emotional person, so there is a big void where sex and intimacy should be.

 

Nevertheless I am looking forward to falling in love agin, so I try not to think too much about what I miss at the moment.

[outdated]

Tricky- You couldn't have said it better. Always look forward, never back. I can't wait to fall in love again, and now I Know what I don't want and what I do.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

There are lots of things that are bad about losing a relationship that was important to you, but if the relationship was worth having in the first place, the worst thing about a breakup if I had to pick one thing, is losing the underlying friendship (and the closeness, warmth, and trust that goes with it) that you had with that other person.

[theedge]

The songs I listened to were

 

Dido-White flag

Nelly Furtatbo-Powerless

Cake-I will survive

Avril-So much for my happy ending

[LucreziaBorgia]

... having to be the one to do it. Having a broken heart is bad. Causing one is far worse, in my book.

[The Prototype]

I always take comfort in the fact that is almost every case where I was dumped/broken up with, they moved on quicker, but it was superficial, and they came back later, after I had moved on. We have fallen, but gotten up, and progressed. They are often left in the same place as when the breakup occurred.

 

Usually, the dumper's life is exciting initially. They go out more, hang with friends again, party, whatever. It is fun for a time. But the lure of that life quickly fades in comparison to a relationship, and they recoil after awhile. Then, they almost always come back around because the miss the other person, and (if we are smart), that person has moved on. They have grieved, gotten angry, and moved beyond.

 

That is the best way to go, for me. That doesn't mean any chance for a future with the ex is completely over, but it does mean when they return, I can look at things with clear eyes and not be clouded by my emotions. I can make a conscious decision of what I want to do.

[Illusion24]

Read my quotes:

 

The hardest part of moving on...is not looking back!!!

 

Breaking up isn't easy for any one person, whether it's you doing the breaking or you getting heart broken...You grow and sometimes you even grow apart...You have to learn from your mistakes and realize life goes on...

 

It's hard but once you cried it out, raise your head as much as you can, and move on....Find happiness somewhere else...if it helps

[Merin]

Honestly IME the hardest part of the break~up (For Me) is changing habits... when you're in a relationship there are certain things most of us do... such as being used to getting a call or text in the morning from your SO before you get to work, going to a favourite restaurant together, other things that had become habit when you were together... then finding yourself having to find new things to do and ways to spend your time that used to belong to someone other than yourself only...

 

BUT

 

IME I've also found once past the initial shock of having to change... I always look back at things and think ya know what he really did suck!

[jp13370]

The hardest part for me is the anger - and sitting in bed in the early mornings wishing I had told him this or that. I was lied to alot and cheated on by my ex. He swore I was the one for him and how he loved me so much - but every time he got mad at me he'd run out to get revenge. He'd hit the bars or go buy himself some new porn - it was the "I'll show her" mentality. We planted a tree together in his yard - he chopped it down. I gave him a hibiscus plant - he killed it.

 

Ruthless people suck.

 

Just trying to forgive myself for going thru 2 years of hell has been the hardest part. He enjoyed making me feel horrible - the hardest part is getting my head put back together. He and that relationship sucked the life out of me.

[AriaIncognito]

I agree, Merin. I found it pretty difficult to stop checking my cell phone for text messages, and not letting my heart race whenever the phone would ring, knowing it was around the usual time he'd call, etc. It's just hard when you have to deal with that.

 

Also just the whole seeing things you did together. You think "he and I went here" or "last week he and I were there and did X" type stuff. I think that's a more female way of thinking/obsessing for the most part. I've not known any men to dwell on the "when we were an us" thing. I'm sure there are men who do, but i've not seemingly dated any of them...

 

Jennifer

[moon]

Usually, the dumper's life is exciting initially. They go out more, hang with friends again, party, whatever. It is fun for a time. But the lure of that life quickly fades in comparison to a relationship, and they recoil after awhile. Then, they almost always come back around because the miss the other person, and (if we are smart), that person has moved on. They have grieved, gotten angry, and moved beyond.

 

You know I think that's what happened in my last break up. My ex moved on right away and the vibe I got from him was that the break up didn't even hit him, it was like it was more important for him to go full speed ahead to someone else just to "move on."

 

But lately I have been feeling better, after a lot of pain. On another subject......I was looking on the internet today and found a girl I knew in college who was posting her wedding pictures. For some reason something clicked. I was looking at happy wedding pictures of a girl I was friends with years ago, who had more relationship problems of anybody I had ever known. I had this little realization that there is a definate cycle to life. I started thinking that maybe one day I would find my ex's wedding pictures.......and I had to just say to myself, that's how life goes. People have relationships, people get married, people get divorced, people break up, but out there there is always somebody going through the happy times.....and others miserable possibly as a result of another persons happy times. But slowly the pain goes away and you want good things for yourself again too.

[XNemesisX]

I understand all of this. I have been on both ends. I think the worst part of a break up (or at least when it is YOU who is getting broken up with) is the sting of rejection and abandonment. I think that hurts the worst. Knowing that someone does not think you are good enough for them. Makes you think something is wrong with you.

 

and yeah...some people are really ruthless. There are nice ways and bad ways of breaking up with someone. A lot of people have no care for another person's feelings. I mean sure, a break up is going to be hurtful no matter what but there are people who honestly couldn't give a rat's behind how mean they are about it. Those people (hopefully) will get it served back to em one day.. it's all we can hope for.

 

Moon, that's a great response. My stomach hurts at the thought of having to hear about my ex with someone else or especially getting married. But that is life...all we can hope for is that we are too happy with someone else to even care about who our exes are with or marry....

[jp13370]

Picturing my ex with another woman doesn't phase me - he cheated on me and never could keep his eyes off other girls so it's nothing thinking of him bonking other females. He wasn't good in bed and he's got a small penis so it's not like he'll be out conquering the world.

 

Plus it's all about him - and he's always right. Who wants to be with that for the rest of their life? He can be with all the women in the world and they're all gonna end up like me - walking out of his life totally unsatisfied and sick of his b.s.