By his silence, is he saying it's over for good?

[caputo77]

Long story short I had a fallout with this guy I really care for because I wasn’t strong enough to stay friends with him when distance was keeping us from remaining romantically involved. When I tried to patch things up, it went well for a couple of weeks and he said he was open to talking about being close again. We were texting for a while then he just completely stopped answering. The last text I sent, which was an apology for deleting him on social media during what was a rough time for me in trying to move on from him was read and never answered, and I was too afraid of pushing it to ever send anything else to try and find out why.

 

The thing is, I’m out of the country right now for an extended period which is why we broke up and what ultimately led to this whole fallout. Before I cut off contact, we had discussed going our separate ways for the time I’d be gone then catching up again when I got back. Seeing as he was still angry with me when I left, I could see it being logical that we would both take this time to do our own thing as we originally planned, so he could work through his anger and decide whether or not he’s ever going to forgive me, and I could fully enjoy my experience abroad. But I know that that’s probably wishful thinking. I’m afraid that him ignoring me was actually meant to be the door slamming in my face for good.

 

I know people usually advise that silence in itself is a clear answer. But do you still think that applies in this case? Before our argument, we had a really beautiful relationship with a lot of mutual respect and we both cared a lot for each other. I just know that I miss him and I’m dying to talk to him, but the fact that he hasn’t reached out to me at all in the past two months tells me he either has crazy good self-control or he just doesn’t care about me anymore.

 

I really don’t want to enter into the territory of clingy ex that won’t stop texting when he’s clearly not interested anymore. But I also don’t want to lose him forever because I sat here and waited for him to make a move when he may think I’m the one who should be reaching out since I caused our fallout. I never sent anything else after getting ignored just one time, but should I try to do something again to scope out the situation? For example, he’s graduating soon. Should I just send him a brief and nice message congratulating him when that happens to see if he acknowledges it? Or should I just casually try to send him a snapchat to see if he answers me? Or do I really need to accept his silence as a sign that we’re over for good?

[Simple Logic]

Your post says you don't know what you want.

[caputo77]

Sorry I think I was being a bit unclear. I definitely know what I want, which is to be in contact again even though I’m gone. I miss having him in my life, not just as a romantic partner which obviously isn’t possible right now, but as a friend. When I brought up my original plan of each of us doing our own thing for the semester, I was trying to say I can’t gauge if that’s what he’s trying to do with this silence, because I said that’s what I wanted months ago.

 

So I’m saying I don’t know what HE wants because he never communicated it to me, just gave me silence. I’m trying to figure out if that silence in itself should be answer enough for me, or if I should push it just a little bit and try to find out what’s going on in his head.

 

I guess part of why I’m conflicted is because part of the reason he was upset with me was because right before I left, he felt I was expecting too much of him. Which in retrospect, I was. I was kind of leaving it to him to hold the relationship together, and when he couldn’t do it by himself I got upset and freaked out. So I’m wondering if at this point I should put in that extra effort to try and fix things or if I’m just going to be pushing it too much by trying to text him again after he’s ignored me.

[confusedgirlfriend11]

I'm a bit confused by your post. Were you in a relationship with this guy? It's unclear if it was a full relationship or maybe friends with benefits?

 

 

Either way the only way you're going to know where you stand is to contact the guy.

 

 

I wouldn't leave it until you're back from your trip as that might be a long time and by then he may have completely moved on.

 

 

If you've stopped talking due to a misunderstanding then contact him and be very clear what you want. Ask him to reply, even if it's to say he is not interested.

 

 

However, if he doesn't reply don't read into it being an opportunity to keep the door open because I doubt it will be - sorry.

[Altair0770]

It really depends. It seems like he wanted you to put in more effort but you didn't want to, which is a clear sign of a failing relationship.

 

I'll say this time and time again - exes should never be friends. It's okay to be friendly, but in most scenarios, one person is more interested than the other, and when that other becomes involved with someone else it's a clear recipe for disaster.

 

He might be applying his own NC rule on you. If you were the one to call things off, he likely isn't going to risk being heart broken by contacting you.

 

I agree with the above poster. It doesn't seem like you know what you want. Do you want to be romantically involved with this guy when you return? Do you want to just be friends? Never think you're going to just be friends. Sure, it's possible, but very likely won't end up that way. All of us dumpees have a higher chance of our ex BEGGING for reconciliation than we do of being friends with our exes.

 

If you want to just remain friends, you are welcome to attempt, but if he's ignoring you then that is a clear answer - he has no interest in being friends. The other answer is he's either waiting for you to be clear that you want to reconcile a romantic relationship or he just wants to flat out get over you.

 

I'd wait until you get back from your trip if you're hoping for reconciliation. If you just want to be friends, again it could happen so why not try. But don't get your hopes up. Ending a relationship that someone was invested in is equivalent to saying you're completely okay with giving up this person for the rest of your life.

 

And just some advice - if you're going to be romantically involved with someone, you best put your best foot forward and never take it for granted. We know when we're being taken for granted, and as much as we may love the person we are dating, enough is enough. Don't enter a relationship unless you're willing to give it your all.

[Cookies101]

I'd just send a very casual message, 'hi, how are you' sort of thing, and then say 'feel free to get in touch, i hope everything's going well'.

 

That way you are leaving the door open. I wouldn't send any emotional messages if i were you.

 

Good luck

[todreaminblue]

I think you should just leave it.......if he really wanted to ...he would contact you.....he ignored you once .....its one of those things where you dont need to be shown the same ignorance twice or the same thing twice to move on do you?...once is enough...move on and if he ever does contacts you....go from there....some relationships last and some dont...they have to end for a reason... they need to end....this relationship may be at one of those ends...

 

for sure dont send anything emotional...in my opinion....dont send anything at all....if he contacts you ,you can then decide what you really want and if you want the relationship to continue or be repaired................deb

[caputo77]

I really do wanna reach out and at least say something so I can gauge where he's at if nothing else...I guess my worry is just that theoretically I should be having the time of my life abroad right now and not thinking of him at all. I don't want to push him further away by making it seem like I can't live my own life. But also I don't want to wait too long and have it seem like I didn't care enough to even try and reach out (I won't be home till July).

 

Worth the risk of looking desperate by reaching out or better to just wait and see what happens?

 

Also yes, we were in a relationship but it was brief because we knew from the start that I'd be leaving and we didn't want a LDR. We were never FWB at all because we knew we'd both be hurt by that.

[DontBreakEven]

I would send another text, and definitely not wait. I sense a miscommunication here. What's the worst that could happen? He ignores you again? Then you have your answer

[whichwayisup]

If you decide to contact him, make it short and to the point. He won't want to read an emotionally filled email or text(s). You know he thinks you have (had) high expectations and the last thing you want is for him to feel pressured by you.

 

With that said, if you send something to him have no expectations or hopes. He may not reply.

[Grathblagg]

He's protecting himself and moving on, most likely. You had a fallout because you were not "strong enough to stay friends with him when distance was keeping us from remaining romantically involved".

 

He took that seriously. That combined with expecting him to do most of the work in keeping you attracted to him, at least for a measure of time, probably shut him down.

 

Your wanting to remain "friends" while away, probably seems to him to be friendzoned, while you go about forming another relationship or relationships. He doesn't want to be your Plan B, unable to move on with life, while you move on with yours, using him as an emotional crutch until you don't need him anymore.

 

He's doing the right thing. You expressed your concerns, shut him down, and then said, "Let's be friends". He's saying, "No. I'm moving on".

 

If you bump into him when you get back, and if you're both single, you can see what happens. Until then, you both might as well move on.