Ex asked how I am after 6 weeks. What is this?

[luke96]

Hello guys,

 

So i would like to start by saying that I am a gay man and was in a gay relationship. Please just treat it like a heterosexual relationship as it is very similar despite there is no female mind to consider haha .

 

Back Story

 

So I am 20 and was going out with this guy called Fred (19). How we met is pretty complicated actually. Fred was studying at a university at the other side of the country (300 miles away from his home). When he was home for christmas 2015, we matched on tinder. Then after he went back to uni and nothing happened from it. In April 2016, I added him on Facebook and we started talking because i was annoying my friend who also added him haha. We started chatting and expressed that we were interested in each other, but it never really went anywhere.

 

At the end of April until early March, he started dating a guy called Alex who was from a Uni about 200 miles away. Alex wasn't very nice to Fred, he told him that he needed to loose weight and all of Fred's friends at uni hated him. In addition Fred's family (who absolute adored me btw) never knew anything about Alex. At the end of May when Fred returned from Uni we started talking properly over Facebook and he said he was really interested in me. I had never been in a relationship before and wasn't out as gay at the time, so naturally was abit timid about this. My Friend arranged for us to meet up, without my knowledge and it sort of went from there. He was really crazy for me back then and was really interested. I struggled to show affection at that time and i think it got to him. I still beat myself up about it, but you have to get over it.

 

Anyway, September came around and it was time for him to return to his uni - 300 miles away. At the start things were okay, but then he has a lot of work to do and couldn't give the same amount of contact as in summer because of this. I realised now that i was asking abit too much from him. We had a massive argument about it, and then I apologised about for going over the top. He went on a night out later that night. He rang me and said he wanted to split up. Many reasons were given, and tbh i don't remember them - but i remember it being vague. On that night he: smashed his phone, smashed his laptop, went into his old workplace where he had been sacked from last year for not turning up because he was always hungover and finally split up with me. I was an absolute mess and was devastated. The next morning he rang me apologising saying how sorry he was and that "for the record, i did not split up with you last night".

 

I tried my best to not let it bother me, but i did make me worry and i did bring it up a lot on future visits. This is mid October btw. November was crap, I felt like he didn't give a **** about me at all and was thinking about splitting up with him myself. I continued with the relationship regardless, hoping it was just a mishap and i was really excited to see him at christmas because he was coming home. First two three weeks of christmas was amazing and even he agreed. But then i found out that he had been sending dirty messages to this guy (who btw is a rat compared to me) back in November - a couple of days before I visited. I was disgusted, anger, upset and felt awful. Initially, he blamed it on me saying that he felt i didn't care, but then later accepted full responsibly and said it was a stupid thing to do. From this point i started to loose trust and i think he knew, so he started to really try with me.

 

Upon Fred returning to uni, i paid for an overnight stay in the city of Bath and he paid for the evening meal and breakfast (which was more than the hotel lol). Then i dropped him off at his house at uni, stayed for about a week and went on a night out. On that night out i accused him of cheating and brought up those messages he sent whilst drunk. Then i went home. About a week later, he said he was going on a night out and i jokingly said that he should save his money and give it to me and i would visit. He said no, but then the next morning he was up super early, had transferred the money into my account and asked me to come down. He was being lovely with me. When I arrived he really thanked me for visiting and was really affectionate with me. He paid for loads of things, took me for a meal at my favourite restaurant and was really nice. I really enjoyed myself. I went home on the Wednesday, but he had a piece of work in for the friday and he didn't tell me about it and ended up handing it in incomplete because i stayed extra. That friday he went out and didn't tell me. He usually told me when he was going out and he was also doing weed which i wasn't too happy with. I had finished work and had a really ****ty shift and rang him to tell him. He answered, in a club drunk and high. Btw he doesn't usually do drugs.

 

I went mental and went over the top about the weed, i regret doing that but whatever. That night he said that he wanted to split up with me because he couldn't cope keeping up a relationship and the amount of work he had to do (which was a lot). The next morning, he texted with a deep meaningful apology saying how it was the worst mistake he had ever made and yet again he was ****ing up out relationship. I forgave him because i saw a reason for the behaviour (the bad grades, alcohol and weed). He said at that point he was giving up alcohol for a month because he was sick of it ****ing up his life. This was 31st January.

 

The Breakup

 

About 3 weeks passed after this point and we were getting on better than ever. On Tuesday the 15th of Feb we were talking over FaceTime, he was saying how much he loved me and how excited he was for my visit in a few days time and how he had some plans for it. The day went on normally and in the evening he rang me again (with no intentions to split up) and we were just chatting normally. Then his face changed and he said he needed to go.

 

I rang him back about half an hour later because I knew something was up and i asked if we were okay. He said " no" burst into tears and said that he was still thinking about Alex, that guy who he dated for 3 weeks - 9 Months on. In the weeks following this he said that he only went out with me because he felt sorry for me, he was just hooking up with random guys now and was overall really nasty with me. I found out that he had been using my old phone that i gave him swell because he had broke his last one. This is because he started drinking again pretty much straight after the breakup.

 

6 Weeks Later

 

I deleted him and blocked him off Facebook and told his mum to send me my old phone back on the principle. He tried to send me a message saying yeah of course, but couldn't get through because he blocked me. His mum passed the message onto me. I unblocked him and he asked whether i got the message and i said yes, then he replied saying "oh? sorry". I deleted the conversation then.

 

10mintes later i get

 

21:31

 

"how are you doing?"

 

21:49

 

a GIF of a guy falling over. (either to try and lighten the situation or when we first started chatting he used to send me a lot of gifs )

 

22:52

 

"How is everybody doing? :)"

 

What does this even mean. I didn't reply because there was no clear indication of what he meant. I also thought me might be having a bad day and wanted an ego boost. I made me feel amazing not replying because i finally have bit of control over the situation (sounds bad but i think you'll know what i mean).

 

I still love him.

Edited March 22, 2017 by luke96

[preraph]

Look, he's just not looking for a real relationship. He's just interested in having variety sex with everyone right now. He will contact you if you let him because he doesn't really care that it's hurting you. To him, he's just thinking, one more guy to have sex with.

 

The long and short of it is, he has a right to play the field if that is where his head is at, but that's not what you're looking for. So you need to block him or do whatever makes it easiest to stop thinking about this lost cause, so that you can then get out there and find the right guy, a guy who wants a real relationship. Now, granted there is a lot of gray area out there. I once had a circle of gay guy friends and they kind of all wanted a relationship, but then they kind of all still liked to go to the bars, so they weren't all exclusive, but they were partners in their own way and under their own agreements. Just be sure you let guys know what it is you are looking for so you don't fall in love again with some guy who just isn't right for you and doesn't want the same thing.

 

Good luck. Take it easy on yourself.