My Girlfriend Cheated On Me And Dumped Me

[xZShootZx]

This is a long backstory how we met which escalated into what I am going through now but I hope you can read the entire thing and understand, once again I apologize for the long backstory, but I felt it was best you guys know every single bit and then put your perspectives into it.

 

 

I had met my ex at my current job a year ago but I never really spoke to her until one day one of my co-workers came up to me and told me that "That girl has a crush on you." I started talking to her as the weeks went by, and it got around at work that we had a "thing" even though we weren't dating. She had one day came by in the department where I work to drop off some cheesecake she made and gave to me, and I was touched. We hugged, and later on that day I heard that she was blushing after I hugged her and one of my co-workers told me that she wanted to share that cheesecake with me.

 

 

Later on, I realized she wasn't at work anymore and I found out she quit cause she was going through a lot of emotional pain (she had lost her best friend that she's known since she was little to suicide, and then another friend, on top of other personal issues) I wanted to reach out to her and make sure she was okay so I found her on Facebook after one of my co-workers gave me her last name. I added her, we began talking, and I finally got her number and we began texting. However, it wasn't really working out and after a while, we stopped texting. I had not known at the time what she was going through besides the fact that she suffered from depression (like me) so that was probably why the text conversations felt dull. As the months go by, I find out she is coming back to my job, but instead, in my department (I work in the kitchen at a nursing home) and once I found out, I was uncomfortable with it cause I did like her, but after we stopped talking, I didn't want to get sucked back into it. I put in my two week notice, then one night she hits me up saying she doesn't want me to quit because I was a really cool, sweet guy and she would hate for me to leave. She never did anything wrong to me anyways, so my reason for wanting to leave was stupid, so I agreed to stay and after that, we became friends, and started hanging out at work more and texting a lot more than before.

 

 

There was one night where she was at a bar with her best friend, whom I discovered she had friends with benefits with for over five years and again, have been like best friends with. When he found out that she was talking to me just as friends at the time, he got furious, broke her phone, caused domestic disturbance which involved the cops, then somehow got my ex arrested. He then started having sex with another girl then dropped my ex's friendship with her like a bad habit.

 

Fast forward a few months later where my ex and I started talking a lot more and she admitted over the phone she still had affections for me, I was skeptical if I did cause I wasn't sure if I did and I had never been in a relationship before cause I always considered myself unattractive, but she found me very good looking and adorable. One night while I was home, I got a facetime call from her and she was at the bar with a few of our co-workers since it was one of their birthdays (and the co-worker whoms birthday it was his her best friend once they met at work and the girl is really cool, nice to me, and shipped me and my ex really badly cause how much I treated her so well, even as a friend compared to her past relationships, and her best friend that dropped her like a bad habit.)

 

She had asked me to come over to her house to hang out, and again, I was skeptical cause I didn't know how I felt about her. I did have affections for her, but at the same time, I was afraid for some reason. I agreed to come over and hang out with her. It was weird for being over a female's house being I have horrible luck with girls. We watched a little bit of The Nightmare Before Christmas since that's her favorite movie. I was kind of quiet cause it was just me and her alone in her room, and she decided to kiss me, and I did too. It was my first kiss, but at the same time, I was happy I got to experience it, and I slept over her house (not sexually, just slept over). She was drunk though, but even when she was sober at work, she has hinted how many times she wanted to kiss me.

 

As the weeks go by and we hang out more, I grow stronger affections for her cause I realized what a cool, nice, and beautiful girl she really is. We always brought each other food at work like drinks, talked nonstop, were always around each other, texted immediately after we clocked out after work. People assumed we were dating, but I wasn't sure and neithe was she. I did decide that I did want to date her, and so did she, however we kept it on the downlow to avoid gossip and what not.

 

One night where I was over her house, she had kept receiving calls from her best friend whom she had friends with benefits for 5 years. He kept trying to talk to her and apologize for what he did, but she kept saying how pissed she was for all the terrible things he did to her and dropping her like a bad habit, and that was frightening since I heard her yell for the first time and I hate when people yell. It seemed to me like he tried to get back into her life cause she got a job again, her life was getting better, she was going to become my boss's assistant, and I was in her life now, making her happy. I told her I was sorry for what she was going through and everything this jackass did to her. She was under a lot of stress with work and other personal issues, but I was there for her to comfort her, keep her company, and encourage her to maybe re consider forgiving her best friend even after what he did to her.

 

She was under a lot of stress, so I said "Babe you're under a lot of stress right now with work, and you don't need anymore with this guy. Maybe we should just get some sleep and you leave this work for tomorrow cause I'm so worried about you so much." As the months went by, they eventually started talking again (which our friend/co-worker disapproved cause even she did not like him, and my ex's other friend didn't want to hear about the guy ever again after what he did to her) but I was happy for cause when she was happy, I was happy. My trust issues though, became a huge problem at the start of the relationship cause I had been through a lot in my life (not as bad as my ex's life, she has been through so much physically and emotionally even as a child) that my trust issues were going to be the main reason our relationship ended. I always felt like she was attracted to/flirting with other guys at work, and it got my jealous (but that's just her personality and it was playful flirting it wasn't meant to be taken seriously. We had many discussions about it, and one day she told me that if I could not trust her, that I should not be with her. She told me she really liked me and she was with me for a reason, not to take advantage of me (which my friend said to me after I went to him for advice) but the fact that she had affections for me and she wanted to be with me. After that discussion, I realized my trust issues were going to be the reason I was gonna lose her, so I got my **** together and started trusting her for good this time.

 

I have always been there for my ex. I had always checked up on her at and outside of work, on her days off, asked if she wanted to talk, vent, tell me what was wrong or was bothering her, and that if she ever needed someone to talk to, she could always call me, despite what time it is or where I'm at, cause I cared about her so much and when she hurt, I hurt too. This was one of the main reasons our co-worker friend at work shipped me and my ex so badly, cause I was unlike any other guy my ex had ever been with considering her past relationships were abusive (physically and sexually) and our co-worker friend loved the fact that I made my ex so happy and even said herself that he's the sweetest guy in the entire world, and even our other co-workers had noticed it too according to my ex. Around Christmas time, she told me herself she didn't want anything for Christmas but I got her two plush toys of the characters from The Nightmare Before Christmas that she had wanted since she saw them at work once and wanted to steal them (jokely lol). She loved the gift and was about to cry.

 

A few days after Christmas, she told it was going to be her best friend she's known since she was little's birthday, and being that he was no longer alive, she wanted to be alone that day and it was going to be a rough day for her. I had asked her before if I could please come hang out with her to hang out with her to make sure she doesn't hurt herself or do anything like that (she has her problems that I don't feel comfortable sharing) but she wanted to be alone. Still, I had checked up on her that day to see how she was doing, and since I was stressed out with her cause I was concerned and cared about her, my friends asked me to hang out with them and I was going to while keeping an eye out on my ex, but she hit me up last minute asking to hang out and I cancelled plans with my friends cause I knew my ex needed me on that day and it was job as her bf to make sure she was okay. She thanked me for coming over and keeping her company, and she told me stuff about her best friend whom she lost that I wish I met tbh cause we had similar tastes and she would often say that he sent me to her.

 

My gf has done nice things for me too such as ordering food for me, surprising me at work with hot chocolate, and even giving me her favorite pair of pajamas that she said I could keep and that not even her best friend with benefits she began talking to again could keep for himself.

 

Around February, this is when **** began to hit the fan. Her birthday was on the way, and she was telling me how much she wanted this Victoria Secret blanket but they were sold out, and I told her that I was going to get her it for Christmas (I couldn't at the time cause they were sold out until I started using other apps that had people selling it) so I was going to surprise it for her. She planned a birthday trip to AC with her best friend she had a "history" with.

 

Now automatically, that's a red flag right there, especially since it was going to be just them for two days, and any person would of been uncomfortable with their gf going with some other guy by themselves. However, I trusted her enough that she wouldn't do anything stupid behind my back, especially after our discussion about my trust issues and how I need to start trusting her. While she was in AC with him, we were still talking everyday and I wished her a very, heart warming morning Happy Birthday text. While she was in AC, I had finally found the blanket she was looking for and was planning to give it to her for not only her birthday present, but Valentines Day too since they were both a week away from each other. She doesn't like Valentines Day, but I still wanted to get her something.

 

On top of the blanket, I had made a her a cute Valentines Day gift that was a heart filled with her favorite alcohol (that I had my parents go out and get for me being I am not legal enough to into a liquor store and purchase them.) I had also wrote her a very, heart warming Valentines Day note how I really felt about her (that I don't think she'll ever see anymore) but I didn't have enough time to print it out and give to her. I had also ordered her a DVD collection of this TV series from the 70's that she's wanting since she was 13, but never got it. Two days after Valentines Day, we hung out, I had showered her her presents, and that was the happiest I had ever seen her. She hugged me and kissed me like crazy, and it was such a great feeling making her happy being she was going through a lot of **** in her life these past few months with work, and other personal issues.

 

She always told me that she never wanted to hurt me and that she was she a "****ty" person cause she cheated on her last boyfriend (whom at the time she said he was the sweetest until I came into her life) and my biggest fear was that she was going to do the same. My biggest fear became a reality.

 

 

She admitted that night that she had sex with her best friend in AC while they were drunk, and my heart stopped. I broke down, got up, and was beyond speechless. I didn't yell at her or anything, I just cried my eyes out. She punched something cause she kept saying "I never should of told you" but I kept telling her "You shouldn't have done it in the first place, you betrayed me." She doesn't cry, but this time, I saw her, most likely cause she was drunk and I feel like her personal problems on top of her drinking problems is what causes her to make poor decisions/judgement.

 

I had went to my mom for advice and the first thing she said that everyone else told me was to break up with her. She destroyed my trust even after she told me to start trusting her. Everyone told me I did nothing wrong in the relationship and I was so good to her that any girl would be lucky to have me in their life. However, I didn't want to lose my ex cause I cared about her so much, even after what she did to me. My mom said that if I wanted to give my ex a second chance (which to me my ex did make it seem like she wanted a second chance and was so sorry for hurting me) that I had to give her an ultimatum: Me, or her best friend she slept with.

 

I didn't know if I was okay with it being they have been best friends for 5 years, but after going to my friends about this, they said my mom was right. I had talked over the phone with my ex about how much she hurt me and betrayed me for what she did to me. I told her I love her so much (like I did in the past, but she wasn't the type to say it back cause shes emotionally unstable and has been through a lot in her life with relationships, it is hard for her to say it and express it) but I could not trust her around her and her best friend anymore.

 

I had been told that there have been other horrible things her best friend has done to her, such as snooping through her phone, choking her, talking **** about me (which before I found out she cheated on me with him, I never said one bad thing about him unlike everyone else who hated him) has been verbally abusive to her, and never approved of the fact that she was in a relationship with me and not him. I told her that her best friend is not a best friend if he couldn't approve of our relationship, talked **** about me, and done the horrible things to her she had told me, even going as far as back as breaking her phone when we first started talking.

 

I told her that I would never do one thing like that to her, despite what she did to me. I told her that if I'm your boyfriend, I'm suppose to be your best friend in some way and you aren't suppose to hide things from me, cause that makes the trust worse. I told her she had to make a decision on who would have to leave your life for good, cause my trust with her and her best friend was shattered. I told her I will wait, cause I love her and care about her so much. She said she needed time to think, and we didn't speak for a while (and keep in mind, we work together too, so seeing her everyday made it difficult for me to keep my distance.) People at work noticed I had been keeping my distance from my ex, so they knew something was up, and one night I had noticed my ex was still hanging out with her best friend and called one night saying how everyone at work thinks she's an ******* cause of how I didn't want to hang out with her at work or speak to her unless it was work related. She wanted to talk about our situation, but we never did, so again, we didn't speak to each other for a week or so.

 

We did again to speak again once I accepted the fact that she cheated, but at the same time, I didn't get an answer from her since we were both given each other space. We began to slightly talk text again and I asked her what was going on with us cause I was confused. She said was confused too and told me she felt really bad for hurting me and she felt awful and she still did have affections me and cared about me. I was under the impression she was going to kick her best friend out of her life and choose me. We hung out one night and I had finally gave her her last Valentines Day present I was meaning to give her but I couldn't after what she told me. She was even happier than before when I got her the blanket. She hugged me so hard and kissed me so much and said "You are the greatest person in the entire world and the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. Thank you so much, for everything." I was so happy to see her happy like before, and we had sex that night.

 

I had noticed a few days later she was still talking to her best friend, and I became pissed off. I had brought it up again with her on the discussion I had with her, and she said she does care about me, but at the same time, her best friend too ( I don't know if she mean't in a love way, or just a friendly way.) A few nights ago we talked over the phone and she said how it wasn't fair for me to give her the option to choose between me or him, yet I told her it wasn't fair how I could never take he out to lunch, dinner, go to the movies with her, take pictures with he, go to AC for birthday (which I realized she wasn't paying for the trip but she knew something was going to happen so she could of backed out of it and spent her birthday with me but I encouraged her to go have fun with her best friend cause I was trusting her not to do anything behind my back despite their history), it wasn't fair for her to go behind her words and cheat on me after everything I've done for her and never did one single bad thing to her compared to he best friend and her past relationships with her other abusive boyfriends etc but she was perfectly fine with doing that with best friend. Her excuse was that it's cause she's been friends with him for 5 years and she's his other half and he's been there for her. I told her I have too, I always checked up on her making sure if she was okay, if she needed me, dont be afraid to call me at anytime, if she needed to talk, keeping her company when she was down, listening to her vent about work and her stress, always cancelling my plans with my friends when she wanted to hang out, going out of my way to do things that not any other person would probably do, including he jackass best friend. I don't call him a jackass cause of he slept with her, I call him one cause of all the horrible things he's down to her, yet she still chooses to remain friends with him. Our co-worker and her best friend from work said to her from what my ex told me that she was a lying, cheating whore and how I'm such a great guy for her compared to her jackass best friend (which again, she never liked once she found out the stuff he did to her) and that she doesn't deserve a great guy like me for what she did. My ex always kept telling me that everyone was on my side too, including he best friend at work.

 

I was pretty much her only support system cause her folks never seemed to care about her nor did any of her other family members when it came to her problems with the drinking. I know you can't make someone with a drinking problem change, but I wanted to be there for her when she finally did cause I told her she mean't so much to me that I could not stand by and see her spiral down anymore cause it would hurt me so much. I wanted what was best for her, to support her, protect her, be there for her when she needed me, even when she doesn't.

 

A day later I wanted to talk about what happened at work and how she pretends how everything is fine with us at work when in reality, they aren't. She is being super friendly with me while I'm upset with her and obviously, I can't be disrespectful back, so it felt like I was being mind****ed. I kept texting her and calling her cause I needed to know what she wanted from me cause I was tired of waiting for a response being it was a month since I had the discussion with her and she told me she couldn't talk cause she was hanging out with her best friend and that she had been working 5 doubles in a row and was tired, cranky, and didn't want to talk about the situation the moment since I kept pestering her about it that night.

 

She told me she just wants to be friends with me now, as in keep both of us in her life. I broke down crying, threw my phone across the room, punched a hole in my room, my mom asked what was wrong, I broke down hysterically in front of her, screaming how much I hate my ex and her friend and she hurt me so much. I fell to the floor in tears. My mom comforted me and hugged me and cried with me and told me how this girl isn't worth my time and will realize the guilt even more for what she did to you and how she'll regret everything she did and start missing you (which I hoped for but I know it won't happen.) I got a morning text from her saying she was sorry for acting like a bitch but she she was tired, cranky, and I kept wanting to talk about it the situation when she didn't want to. Originally I was going to not reply, but I just replied and said "it's fine, I'm sorry I kept pestering you. I get it though, you don't want to be with me anymore, romantically."

 

 

That was a few days ago and that was the last thing we said to each other. I haven't spoken to her since. I feel like it's all my fault (even though my friends and my mom says it's not at all and that she did not respect you feelings and took advantage of me emotionally. They also said how I was so good to her and she completely ruined it by being stupid and screwing up and not making things right) Even when they tell me that, I can't help but feel it still is my fault and I made the situation worse by giving her that ultimatum. Being honest, was that ultimatum fair, even when she cheated on me with him and considering their 5 year friendship, especially after what she did to me? Was this whole thing my fault? Am I an *******? Did I deserve this? Was she using me this entire time even though she told me she wasn't and did have affections for me? I really don't know how to cope with this and everytime I come home from work, I just sit in bed, depressed knowing I pretty much got dumped. I still want her back in my life even what she did to me was wrong and hurt me in so many ways but I can't trust her around her best friend anymore. Going to work and seeing her is so difficult and isn't helping me.

Edited March 21, 2017 by xZShootZx

[Imajerk17]

Cripes that was long bro!

 

I could see the ending coming from a ways away, right when you mentioned her abusive "best friend". It was as predictable as the sunrise. Typically when a woman who has a history of abusive relationships like this, falls for a nice guy like yourself, she is subconsciously looking for a soft place to land. Only to end right back w her abusive ex.

 

Your mom was right. You should have dumped her a while ago. You should have never put up w her being best friends w her abusive FWB that's for sure!

 

FORGET her completely. Get a new job if you have to. And next time be *very* wary of dating a woman w that many emotional problems.

Edited March 22, 2017 by Imajerk17

[xZShootZx]

Cripes that was long bro!

 

I could see the ending coming from a ways away, right when you mentioned her abusive "best friend". It was as predictable as the sunrise. Typically when a woman who has a history of abusive relationships like this, falls for a nice guy like yourself, she is subconsciously looking for a soft place to land. Only to end right back w her abusive ex.

 

Your mom was right. You should have dumped her a while ago. You should have never put up w her being best friends w her abusive FWB that's for sure!

 

FORGET her completely. Get a new job if you have to. And next time be *very* wary of dating a woman w that many emotional problems.

 

Was it my fault though that all of this happened? Was it even fair for me in the first place to give her that ultimatum after she cheated on me?

[Imajerk17]

Was it my fault though that all of this happened? Was it even fair for me in the first place to give her that ultimatum after she cheated on me?

 

Truly, the only "fair" thing for you to have done would have been to have dumped her outright! She didn't even deserve an ultimatum aka second chance.

 

The only thing that was your fault was not walking away MUCH sooner. You were given plenty of signs that she was Bad News...

[harrybrown]

Go N/C with this girl.

 

She is bad news.

 

Introduce your next friend to your Mom to get a read on what she is like.

 

Run away from this girl.

 

Bad news.