Girlfriend blindsided me with a breakup. I don't know .

[Drdawg]

Hi all, I'm going to try to include every detail I can while considering the brevity so as to help make this concise for you all.

 

My girlfriend (now ex) have been dating for over a year and some change. We are each other's longest relationship. Things were great for so incredibly long. We got to the point of talking about a serious future, marriage, etc. She was never deceptive and remained faithful throughout our entire relationship, as did I. We got so comfortable with each other that she could go on my phone to play games I bought and she never worried about another woman coming between us. We were in love.

 

However, in September of 2016, I had to have surgery on my foot that required at least two months of recovery. Unfortunately, I developed a nasty infection in the site of procedure, and ended up having a 7 month recovery instead after 5 surgeries. She was supportive and helpful for the entire time, though I could tell that it was beginning to take its toll on her. I, being a soon-to-be medical student, understand the biological hardwiring for women to be attracted to a man that is capable, strong, and able to lead her, as I had done for months before my health problems. As a result, I became more dependent on her, our dates became cookie-cutter (dinner, movie, hang out at home), I had to quit my job for the time being, and I took a backseat instead of remaining in the drivers seat. Somehow, she stayed for as long as I suppose that she could before realizing that this whole ordeal was affecting her more than she envisioned.

 

So the other day, she and I were hanging out and something seemed different. She wasn't as bubbly or happy as she usually was and decided that it's best we don't even go out on the date we had planned. She began crying and saying things of how she missed her mother and needed to go home, so I let her be. Later she asked to meet up, and broke up with me. She cried so much. She states that her reason was that she wasn't happy anymore and she didn't know what to do about it. I asked if she still loved me and she said, "yes, but idk if its the love that can bring me the happiness I'm missing out on."

 

I respectfully accepted her decision and told her that I'm proud of her for doing something that she feels best for her own happiness. I told her we'll probably never see each other again, and she knew that it was my means of coping with a breakup. I still haven't contacted her, and I don't plan to for as long as possible. I even deleted all of our mutual friends from social media to try and distance myself as much as possible. Looking back, I know exactly where I went wrong, and she even gave me warning signs that I heard, but didn't listen to until it was too late.

 

I know she's sad, missing me, and going through all the motions of a breakup as I am. But, I don't have much longer before I can walk again and I believed that once I'm back to my bipedal, confident, leading, and steadfast self, things would be normal. I will add just a few more tidbits of info in bullet form to wrap this up.

 

-she is stressed about her parents who are pushing her to go into a career that she feels she isn't ready to go into.

-she has anxiety problems, and her grandfather has just become ill and the prognosis is not looking too bright for him.

-she didn't leave me for another guy, and I've never been confident in a breakup enough to know that.

-I know that happiness comes from within, and no one can make you happy, though people should help facilitate that happiness rather than stunt it.

-I'll be honest, I really want her back. I know it's fresh, but I've been dumped before, and I've also dumped girls, and none of them have been hard to move on from before this one--mainly cause she was a great gf.

 

So what can I do to win her back? I know it won't happen overnight, and I'm willing to put in work to return to my pre-operation self, who was confident, a leader, and with stonewall conviction. I even want to return to going on our old dates that were more adventurous and fun. But how do I get her to see that? We live 20 min away from each other so it's not as convenient to just try and run into her at places she frequents. I've began writing a letter to her that isn't emotionally-driven, but rather focused on me explaining that I respect her decision and that I realize where I went wrong and where to go from there. Please help and thank you all in advance.

Edited March 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[la74219]

I'm sorry you are going through this. The only way to "win her back" is to not try. Silence speaks volumes. Take the time to heal for yourself. You can't "win her back", but she can come back on her own. If she never does, at least you will be healed.

 

Best of luck with this situation, and in medical school

[Drdawg]

I'm sorry you are going through this. The only way to "win her back" is to not try. Silence speaks volumes. Take the time to heal for yourself. You can't "win her back", but she can come back on her own. If she never does, at least you will be healed.

 

Best of luck with this situation, and in medical school

 

I understand. I guess what I really want to know is what you think the odds are given that there's still love there and that we ended on fairly decent terms? I know it's difficult to give a full synopsis of what will/may happen, but it's difficult to think that someone whom I considered my best friend and lover is gone. Do you think her other things going on in her life may have influenced this decision?

 

Thank you again, I can't express my sincerest gratitude for this.

[la74219]

I understand. I guess what I really want to know is what you think the odds are given that there's still love there and that we ended on fairly decent terms? I know it's difficult to give a full synopsis of what will/may happen, but it's difficult to think that someone whom I considered my best friend and lover is gone. Do you think her other things going on in her life may have influenced this decision?

 

Thank you again, I can't express my sincerest gratitude for this.

 

I'm sorry man I know it's difficult. Trust me, I'm in a similar situation. To answer your question, no one is able to answer that except her. And you won't get any answers from her..trust me on that too. The only thing you can do is understand that the situation is out of your control at this point. Easier said than done, I know. But there is nothing you can do to change anything. If she wants to come back, it will be on her own. Unfortunately no one knows if that will happen. She likely doesn't know either. I feel your pain though.

[Drdawg]

I'm sorry man I know it's difficult. Trust me, I'm in a similar situation. To answer your question, no one is able to answer that except her. And you won't get any answers from her..trust me on that too. The only thing you can do is understand that the situation is out of your control at this point. Easier said than done, I know. But there is nothing you can do to change anything. If she wants to come back, it will be on her own. Unfortunately no one knows if that will happen. She likely doesn't know either. I feel your pain though.

 

Yeah, she's told me that's she's only had to break up with one other guy as the others all dumped her. She said that she went back and forth in her own mind about if it was the right decision or not for months. I know she's being honest with me and I respect her distance/space she needs to clear her own head. But I can't help but feel like I had so much more to offer for her that I just couldn't cause not only did my physical health suffer, but my mental health as well--I had a two-week stay in the hospital after my infection and this whole ordeal with my foot has seriously affected my psyche as well. In the past, we would choose to not speak for a few days after a fight. But even after 3-4 days, she'd call me crying saying she can't go on without talking to me and me being there for her. Idk man, I'm just a head full of confusion, emotion, and regret. I wasn't the man I've always been, and it was such poor timing that I had to just let that comfort plague me to the point of neglecting her as the man in our relationship.

 

I will say that she's told everyone we will get married, even her parents, and she said that it'll be hard to cope with that not being the case in her mind.

[la74219]

Yeah, she's told me that's she's only had to break up with one other guy as the others all dumped her. She said that she went back and forth in her own mind about if it was the right decision or not for months. I know she's being honest with me and I respect her distance/space she needs to clear her own head. But I can't help but feel like I had so much more to offer for her that I just couldn't cause not only did my physical health suffer, but my mental health as well--I had a two-week stay in the hospital after my infection and this whole ordeal with my foot has seriously affected my psyche as well. In the past, we would choose to not speak for a few days after a fight. But even after 3-4 days, she'd call me crying saying she can't go on without talking to me and me being there for her. Idk man, I'm just a head full of confusion, emotion, and regret. I wasn't the man I've always been, and it was such poor timing that I had to just let that comfort plague me to the point of neglecting her as the man in our relationship.

 

I will say that she's told everyone we will get married, even her parents, and she said that it'll be hard to cope with that not being the case in her mind.

 

 

Don't beat yourself up over it. You can't blame yourself..there are two people in a relationship. I know how difficult it is though. I'm going through the same type of emotions. It's insane how a breakup can affect someone so much, but it does. Be kind to yourself though. Feel free to continue posting though..it helps to vent.

[Drdawg]

Don't beat yourself up over it. You can't blame yourself..there are two people in a relationship. I know how difficult it is though. I'm going through the same type of emotions. It's insane how a breakup can affect someone so much, but it does. Be kind to yourself though. Feel free to continue posting though..it helps to vent.

 

I appreciate it man. Yeah, is not feeling sorry for myself for changing and becoming to stagnant in our relationship, but I do know that I've missed out on hearing her out when she did come to me and tell me that things have changed with how I act, etc. I'm sorry you're going through the same motions, but any advice you give me you can apply for yourself as well.

[Grathblagg]

Basically, the only way that she'll come back is if you leave her alone and move on. Since you'll be moving on, you'll be healing yourself in the process. If she wants to come back, then you can decide if you really want her back, or if your new reality is better.

 

She broke up with you, so the absolute worst thing that you can do is contact her, or attempt to be manipulative by communicating through others, showing up somewhere where you know that she'll be, etc...

 

Basically, you have to move on as if there's no chance of you two being together again. That way, you're not delaying your future.

 

I've found that people heal quite quickly if they have no hope. They move on faster, and find that their new reality is quite pleasurable. If their ex comes sniffing around, more often than not, they're far enough along where they don't want a rerun.

 

I see that you're also making excuses for her behavior. Stop that. She inflicted the pain of breakup on you. Decisions have consequences. It's time for you to start looking for yourself and your future without her.

[LilAddison]

I see that you're also making excuses for her behavior. Stop that. She inflicted the pain of breakup on you. Decisions have consequences. It's time for you to start looking for yourself and your future without her.

 

+1 ^^^^^

Her choices affected you and you weren't even offered the opportunity to work on it. Focus that energy into yourself. You didn't deserve this. Time to give yourself what you do deserve. =)

<3 Addi

[Drdawg]

Basically, the only way that she'll come back is if you leave her alone and move on. Since you'll be moving on, you'll be healing yourself in the process. If she wants to come back, then you can decide if you really want her back, or if your new reality is better.

 

She broke up with you, so the absolute worst thing that you can do is contact her, or attempt to be manipulative by communicating through others, showing up somewhere where you know that she'll be, etc...

 

Basically, you have to move on as if there's no chance of you two being together again. That way, you're not delaying your future.

 

I've found that people heal quite quickly if they have no hope. They move on faster, and find that their new reality is quite pleasurable. If their ex comes sniffing around, more often than not, they're far enough along where they don't want a rerun.

 

I see that you're also making excuses for her behavior. Stop that. She inflicted the pain of breakup on you. Decisions have consequences. It's time for you to start looking for yourself and your future without her.

 

Oh I didn't intend to try and manipulate the situation by talking to people or trying to run into her. lol I was just saying that if I have made significant changes, how could she know. But I see what you mean.

 

I know that what's best is to go NC and move on the best I can. But I suppose I have a glimmer of hope since she quite obviously still loved me, but maybe thinks I'm the source of her discontent. It's taken everything I can to not contact her, as we never went more than a couple days without talking.

 

Also, I know I made excuses. I suppose I just want to give insight on other areas of her life that may have influenced the decision she made. I wasn't myself for so long, and I regret that I can't go back and change that. I know that's the reasoning behind it.

[Drdawg]

+1 ^^^^^

Her choices affected you and you weren't even offered the opportunity to work on it. Focus that energy into yourself. You didn't deserve this. Time to give yourself what you do deserve. =)

<3 Addi

 

Well, I did get chances to work on it... but I never listened to what she was saying. I'm a firm believer that she mentioned the things that were wrong, as she's even plainly said "remember when things were like this? I know you're recovering and all, but you can still do those things." So yeah, maybe I didn't get that option to fix things now when she was contemplating the breakup, but I did have opportunities to hear her out. She said this was a slow-growing monster that she tried to ignore for a few months.

[Grathblagg]

Oh I didn't intend to try and manipulate the situation by talking to people or trying to run into her. lol I was just saying that if I have made significant changes, how could she know. But I see what you mean.

 

I know that what's best is to go NC and move on the best I can. But I suppose I have a glimmer of hope since she quite obviously still loved me, but maybe thinks I'm the source of her discontent. It's taken everything I can to not contact her, as we never went more than a couple days without talking.

 

Also, I know I made excuses. I suppose I just want to give insight on other areas of her life that may have influenced the decision she made. I wasn't myself for so long, and I regret that I can't go back and change that. I know that's the reasoning behind it.

 

Sorry for not communicating clearly. I didn't have the impression that you were being manipulative. I was wanting to make sure that you didn't wander in that direction as many people do. I think that you're handling it quite well, actually.

 

One of my points is that these thoughts, her "reasons", are running through your head, and you're analyzing the situation. That's all well and good, but you can't fix her. She's made her choice. You both live with that choice, but all you can really do is show her that you're a confident person, who may desire her, but who doesn't NEED her. You're a man who respects others, and since she chose to break up with you, you respect her wishes by moving on.

 

No two women are alike, but for the most part, women like to be chased by a confident man, but confident men don't chase women who have dumped them. They move on, knowing that there's countless women out there, and plenty of women who'd love to be on their arm. That's you now.

[Goodguy05]

Hi all, I'm going to try to include every detail I can while considering the brevity so as to help make this concise for you all.

 

My girlfriend (now ex) have been dating for over a year and some change. We are each other's longest relationship. Things were great for so incredibly long. We got to the point of talking about a serious future, marriage, etc. She was never deceptive and remained faithful throughout our entire relationship, as did I. We got so comfortable with each other that she could go on my phone to play games I bought and she never worried about another woman coming between us. We were in love.

 

However, in September of 2016, I had to have surgery on my foot that required at least two months of recovery. Unfortunately, I developed a nasty infection in the site of procedure, and ended up having a 7 month recovery instead after 5 surgeries. She was supportive and helpful for the entire time, though I could tell that it was beginning to take its toll on her. I, being a soon-to-be medical student, understand the biological hardwiring for women to be attracted to a man that is capable, strong, and able to lead her, as I had done for months before my health problems. As a result, I became more dependent on her, our dates became cookie-cutter (dinner, movie, hang out at home), I had to quit my job for the time being, and I took a backseat instead of remaining in the drivers seat. Somehow, she stayed for as long as I suppose that she could before realizing that this whole ordeal was affecting her more than she envisioned.

 

So the other day, she and I were hanging out and something seemed different. She wasn't as bubbly or happy as she usually was and decided that it's best we don't even go out on the date we had planned. She began crying and saying things of how she missed her mother and needed to go home, so I let her be. Later she asked to meet up, and broke up with me. She cried so much. She states that her reason was that she wasn't happy anymore and she didn't know what to do about it. I asked if she still loved me and she said, "yes, but idk if its the love that can bring me the happiness I'm missing out on."

 

I respectfully accepted her decision and told her that I'm proud of her for doing something that she feels best for her own happiness. I told her we'll probably never see each other again, and she knew that it was my means of coping with a breakup. I still haven't contacted her, and I don't plan to for as long as possible. I even deleted all of our mutual friends from social media to try and distance myself as much as possible. Looking back, I know exactly where I went wrong, and she even gave me warning signs that I heard, but didn't listen to until it was too late.

 

I know she's sad, missing me, and going through all the motions of a breakup as I am. But, I don't have much longer before I can walk again and I believed that once I'm back to my bipedal, confident, leading, and steadfast self, things would be normal. I will add just a few more tidbits of info in bullet form to wrap this up.

 

-she is stressed about her parents who are pushing her to go into a career that she feels she isn't ready to go into.

-she has anxiety problems, and her grandfather has just become ill and the prognosis is not looking too bright for him.

-she didn't leave me for another guy, and I've never been confident in a breakup enough to know that.

-I know that happiness comes from within, and no one can make you happy, though people should help facilitate that happiness rather than stunt it.

-I'll be honest, I really want her back. I know it's fresh, but I've been dumped before, and I've also dumped girls, and none of them have been hard to move on from before this one--mainly cause she was a great gf.

 

So what can I do to win her back? I know it won't happen overnight, and I'm willing to put in work to return to my pre-operation self, who was confident, a leader, and with stonewall conviction. I even want to return to going on our old dates that were more adventurous and fun. But how do I get her to see that? We live 20 min away from each other so it's not as convenient to just try and run into her at places she frequents. I've began writing a letter to her that isn't emotionally-driven, but rather focused on me explaining that I respect her decision and that I realize where I went wrong and where to go from there. Please help and thank you all in advance.

 

To be honest I wouldn't want to go back to a partner that bailed on me at my worst. Don't u want someone that's gona stick wth u thru thick n thin? Unfortunately I've had a similar experience one that comes to mind is my ex wife altho it was lil my fault as i dont take enough initiative to get a better job but I did change and improve and it was consistent in the end. The point I'm making wen my ex wife was at her worst gambling debt no one would come thru wth the money to loan her to pay her debt off her work Amex card wich she cld of gotten fired over and it was a really good co. She just started in bUT I did and stayed wth her despite her mounting debt. My mum was il at the time and me n my sister took turns in looking after her and my wife helped greatly I guess she couldn't handle it in the end. She did try tho fir wat it was worth. Anyway in ur case it's 7 mths there's an end point it's not like it's for a very long time so u gotta ask ureself is that a character trait u like in this woman? Wat about wen other unforseen circumstances come ur way and they will it's called life is she gona bail then doestate it make u feel secure in ure relationship? These are some really relevant questions u need to ask ureself before considering having her back ur situation wasn't that bad to be a deal breaker

[fromheart]

You could possibly win her back, but bear in mind that if you're ever recovering from sickness or if something challenging happens in life, she'll probably bail.

 

Once someone dumps you, its easier for them to do it a second time. In fact it usually does happen again.

 

I'd recommend recovering from your op, finishing your studies and finding a woman who knows the meaning of 'in sickness and in health.'

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah, she's told me that's she's only had to break up with one other guy as the others all dumped her. She said that she went back and forth in her own mind about if it was the right decision or not for months. I know she's being honest with me and I respect her distance/space she needs to clear her own head. But I can't help but feel like I had so much more to offer for her that I just couldn't cause not only did my physical health suffer, but my mental health as well--I had a two-week stay in the hospital after my infection and this whole ordeal with my foot has seriously affected my psyche as well. In the past, we would choose to not speak for a few days after a fight. But even after 3-4 days, she'd call me crying saying she can't go on without talking to me and me being there for her. Idk man, I'm just a head full of confusion, emotion, and regret. I wasn't the man I've always been, and it was such poor timing that I had to just let that comfort plague me to the point of neglecting her as the man in our relationship.

 

I will say that she's told everyone we will get married, even her parents, and she said that it'll be hard to cope with that not being the case in her mind.

 

OP, I see a couple red flags here.

 

You haven't been together very long, and she's already thought about ending it for months. That's not good.

 

Not speaking for a few days after an argument is also rather extreme, in my mind. Whose idea was that? I can see needing a day to cool down, but how bad were these arguments that necessitated days of silence? That indicates a bigger problem with communication and someone already having a foot out the door.

 

I'm a woman too, and I think you are putting too much weight on literally not being on your feet as the cause of this break-up. If I were truly in love with my guy, and knew his problem was out of his control but would improve shortly - I wouldn't have bailed. I am guessing she was unhappy for other reasons that she might not even have voiced, but the above red flags suggest there was more to this than you being out of usual working order for a few months. It's not as though you lost a leg or something. She knew you'd be up and mobile again. Don't assume this is all down to you not being a confident leader or some such thing. A woman who really loves you knows who you are and wouldn't even be thinking that way.

 

My sense is that she wasn't sure about you for a while, and didn't feel deeply enough about you to continue while you were in recovery. That is why I would not pin your hopes on her coming back when you're fully healed. She knew you'd get there anyway, and she still chose to end it.

[angel.eyes]

You mention several times that things had changed over the last few months and you knew she wasn't happy with your complacency. You also admit that she told that she had been considering the breakup for months. This wasn't a whim on her part. You knew there were relatively long-standing problems. You also admit that these were things that you could have done/fixed despite your surgery. So this wasn't a true blindside. It's just that you thought she would continue to tolerate your complacency and lack of effort in the relationship indefinitely.

 

The chance of her coming back after months of unhappiness: less than 1%.

 

Focus instead on lessons learned. What would you do differently in your next relationship to maintain it and keep it healthy? Otherwise, you'll repeat the same mistakes.

 

Hang in there. It gets better eventually.

Edited March 20, 2017 by angel.eyes

[Sparta]

Dude for sure dude you dodged a bullet she's.. Yep she did you the biggest favor in the world dude... when you get some time away from her you'll look back at this and going oh yeah she's a POS.

[SevenCity]

She will likely not come back. All the things she said about marriage, future, etc mean nothing. That's what she felt at the moment and now she no longer feels it.

 

Also, she had months to prepare emotionally for this and only informed you once she had come to terms with it. She didn't express her concerns directly and try to save the RL. She cut and run.

 

If ever she does come back, it will likely be at a point you have found someone new or no longer care about her.

 

Best advice is no never speak to her again. If she reaches out you can decide if you want to respond.

[Drdawg]

OP, I see a couple red flags here.

 

You haven't been together very long, and she's already thought about ending it for months. That's not good.

 

Not speaking for a few days after an argument is also rather extreme, in my mind. Whose idea was that? I can see needing a day to cool down, but how bad were these arguments that necessitated days of silence? That indicates a bigger problem with communication and someone already having a foot out the door.

 

I'm a woman too, and I think you are putting too much weight on literally not being on your feet as the cause of this break-up. If I were truly in love with my guy, and knew his problem was out of his control but would improve shortly - I wouldn't have bailed. I am guessing she was unhappy for other reasons that she might not even have voiced, but the above red flags suggest there was more to this than you being out of usual working order for a few months. It's not as though you lost a leg or something. She knew you'd be up and mobile again. Don't assume this is all down to you not being a confident leader or some such thing. A woman who really loves you knows who you are and wouldn't even be thinking that way.

 

My sense is that she wasn't sure about you for a while, and didn't feel deeply enough about you to continue while you were in recovery. That is why I would not pin your hopes on her coming back when you're fully healed. She knew you'd get there anyway, and she still chose to end it.

 

Oh, the argument grace period thing was my idea... we would be fighting and I'd say, "let's take a few days to clear our head and then approach this more appropriately." But yeah, I guess it could be beyond what I believe to know. I mean, I don't imagine everything that happened to me helped by any means. She's afraid of doing things that may lead to heartache for her, so I guess she found it easier to just cut and run as another person so eloquently out it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, the argument grace period thing was my idea... we would be fighting and I'd say, "let's take a few days to clear our head and then approach this more appropriately." But yeah, I guess it could be beyond what I believe to know. I mean, I don't imagine everything that happened to me helped by any means. She's afraid of doing things that may lead to heartache for her, so I guess she found it easier to just cut and run as another person so eloquently out it.

 

That was a mistake, I feel.

 

As I mentioned before, I can appreciate needing a day to let the dust settle. But if my own boyfriend told me he needed a few days? Especially if that happened more than once? No. That's too much and would feel very rejecting. It would also tell me he doesn't have very developed conflict-resolution skills, which wouldn't bode well for a long-term relationship.

[Drdawg]

That was a mistake, I feel.

 

As I mentioned before, I can appreciate needing a day to let the dust settle. But if my own boyfriend told me he needed a few days? Especially if that happened more than once? No. That's too much and would feel very rejecting. It would also tell me he doesn't have very developed conflict-resolution skills, which wouldn't bode well for a long-term relationship.

 

I never told her that I needed a few days. Nor did I actually need a few days. I would tell her to take the time she needed to collect her thoughts. I never set a timeframe, and wanted her to have the space to figure out if the things we fought about were particularly damaging. This only happened twice iirc, but hey to each his own. It worked for us. Onbviously my problem was I didn't heed to those things she said she wanted/needed from me, which is why I'm here.

[DumpedGuy9617]

Sorry you're going through this man. My opinion is the best thing to do is just wait. It sounds like she is having a tough time with it, which means she will probably regret it. I would wait for her to contact you, difficult as that may be. Or, wait at least 30 days or so and just send her something simple like, hey, how's it going? If you do get back together, try to find out the real reason for the break-up. As people have mentioned, it seems like an issue unrelated to the health problem. Hope it works out for you. If it doesn't, remember, there are a lot of girls out there.

[angel.eyes]

I never told her that I needed a few days. Nor did I actually need a few days. I would tell her to take the time she needed to collect her thoughts. I never set a timeframe, and wanted her to have the space to figure out if the things we fought about were particularly damaging.

Wow! How condescending! So basically, you wanted her to take timeouts like a small child when you had a difference of opinion.

 

This only happened twice iirc, but hey to each his own. It worked for us. Onbviously my problem was I didn't heed to those things she said she wanted/needed from me, which is why I'm here.

To be clear, it worked for you! (Well, not really since she eventually dumped you.) Obviously, silencing her with timeouts didn't work for her. Neither did ignoring her concerns. She has left the building in search of better options. Next time around, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

[ExpatInItaly]

Wow! How condescending! So basically, you wanted her to take timeouts like a small child when you had a difference of opinion.

 

 

To be clear, it worked for you! (Well, not really since she eventually dumped you.) Obviously, silencing her with timeouts didn't work for her. Neither did ignoring her concerns. She has left the building in search of better options. Next time around, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

 

This.

 

I get what your intention was, but feel the delivery was all wrong, OP. I understand you didn't a put a time frame on the time-outs, but you also didn't bother contacting her for a few days, which sends the wrong message. It indirectly tells her it's her issue to resolve, and that she can come to you when she's figured it out. What was your role in resolving these problems? Just sit back and wait for her to break the silence? Problem-solving is an active skill, not a passive one.

 

Also, what were these fights about that you describe as particularly damaging? There might be some other keys in there as to why she has ended the relationship.

[Drdawg]

This.

 

I get what your intention was, but feel the delivery was all wrong, OP. I understand you didn't a put a time frame on the time-outs, but you also didn't bother contacting her for a few days, which sends the wrong message. It indirectly tells her it's her issue to resolve, and that she can come to you when she's figured it out. What was your role in resolving these problems? Just sit back and wait for her to break the silence? Problem-solving is an active skill, not a passive one.

 

Also, what were these fights about that you describe as particularly damaging? There might be some other keys in there as to why she has ended the relationship.

 

Looking back, we fought about a lot of the things that I believe we broke up for. Not necessarily the act of taking days apart, but not actively working on those inherent issues to bring about change for us. I regret not hearing it out now...