He said "You deserve to be lied to"

[imaginarium]

I found out last night that my boyfriend of a year and a half, who I was planning on moving in with very soon, hid something from me for a month, then lied to my face about it Friday. I only found out because he drunkenly told my visiting best friend when I wasn't around, thinking she'd be on his side for whatever reason. She set him up so he could tell the truth and he lied twice, so she told me last night. I was so mad I drove to his place, found the **** he was hiding (he also stupidly told her where it was), and confronted him.

 

My loving boyfriend who places utmost importance on trust in our relationship because his ex wife lied to him so much, who always said how great it was to find someone he could trust, told me I deserved to be lied to because I'm a baby who freaks out over things and I need to grow up. He called me some other fine names too. I'd like to say that what he did could have gotten me in trouble with the law if I had been there and they ever showed up, and I would have had no idea what was going on.

 

I told him that if he could lie to my face like that, I have no way to believe that he never did anything else horrible and lied. Cause then he said he lied because he knew it would make me mad. When I said "So what's going to stop you from cheating on me then just not telling me because it would make me mad" all he could say was "you know I wouldn't do that!"

 

So I left. I blocked him on Facebook but I need to go over and get my pet that I keep there, which sucks because he took my keys. I'm guessing because he thought I would go back to take what he was hiding, but that's stupid, I have never taken any of his things without permission and why would I bother at this point anyway. I was going to get the reptile and leave the keys when he was at work tomorrow, but now I'm going to have to see him, which extra sucks. I plan on Cesar Milaning him. No talk, no touch, no eye contact

 

Anyway, I just had to vent. I'm 33 and I really have never found a relationship that I really wanted to last. Plus someone telling me I deserve to be lied to because I wouldn't accept reckless decisions is up there on the list of worst things anyone has said to me. I was very good to him, I treated him well, we could have been happy. I feel absolutely destroyed but I know with time it will pass and my life will go back to how it was.

 

Anyway, I don't have a question I guess. I just needed somewhere to get my feelings out. I can't wait to get the important stuff out of his place so I can block his number and go legit NC.

[basil67]

What a horrible shock this must have been for you. But I'm so proud of you for having the self worth and resilience to hightail it out of there.

[preraph]

You go right ahead and Cesar-Milan him. If you are not comfortable going over there alone, take someone with you, preferably a man, but get your pet out of there in case he's mean to it displacing anger. Taking risks for oneself is one thing. Putting another person at risk against their will is another.

[spiderowl]

I'm sorry to hear what happened. Your boyfriend didn't deserve you. It sounds like you are an honourable, self-respecting person and he thought he could just work round that. I admire you for challenging him. I hope the no contact goes well. I'm sure there is someone special waiting for you.

[imaginarium]

The good thing is that my bearded dragon is in bearded dragon winter hibernation right now, so he doesn't need to eat and his lights are on a timer. I need to soak him for hydration sometime this week but I have some time to let the emotions die down some so I can hopefully compose myself before I show up. I don't want to walk in looking like I've been crying for hours, he doesn't deserve to know it meant that much I think.

 

Also I don't want to take anyone with me. For a few reasons. Especially a guy. Though I have one that offered if I need it. He's gay so maybe less threatening to bring but still probably not worth it. I just hope he doesn't get super childish and make me move the tanks out by myself. They're pretty big and that's why I wanted to get them when he wasn't there, so I could bring someone to help. If he won't help it's gonna be a rough day for me and my back...