Is the other grass really all that green?

[suzz]

I've (23F) dated my boyfriend(29M) for 3 years and it's a great relationship. However, I've reached the end of my 2 month long solo trip and have met so many wonderful people that I can't help thinking that I'm missing out on dating other people.

 

My boyfriend is a great catch, he's kind, listens to me and supports me in every way. Of course, we have incompatibilities but I felt that they were minor and not a big deal. Until I met another guy during my trip - he filled that 20% of what my boyfriend was missing and it made me realize those incompatibilities I thought were minor, weren't so minor after all. I spoke to my boyfriend about this, about the guy I met and the stuff we lacked and my boyfriend said he will correct it but I feel like why must I tell him how to act? I feel like a nagging mother. Previously, I found excuses for my boyfriend like his upbringing or his personality made him act in a certain way.

 

For instance, I was invited to a party and I decided to bring my boyfriend as a plus one. The whole time, he was either on his phone or talking to me. I asked him about it afterwards and he said, he doesn't care for these types of people and just wanted to hang out with me. I accepted his answer because I'm somewhat shy too and was understanding but after this trip, I feel like even if you're disinterested you should be try to start conversations because you never know where they'll lead right? I know it's not fair to think this way but my thoughts are you're 29! Shouldn't you be a little more experienced? Wiser? It's not a fair thought and everyone has different circumstances.

 

To me, the other guy I met isn't in my 'love scope' per se because logically thinking it was more like an eye-opener of what my boyfriend lacked. I did have a small crush but I don't plan on dating the other guy for a few numerous reasons that aren't worth mentioning.

 

I may leave again for another trip in December for a year and I feel like there's so many people out there to know and date but I have trouble going because in the end, I do love my boyfriend. He's the best relationship I've ever had; even with the minor issues. Heck, he's even willing to fix the issues and change! Before my trip I thought he was perfect for me and wanted to marry him. I feel so selfish because it's a 3 year old relationship that's worth saving right? He wants to save it so bad. Why do I feel like I just want to pack up and just leave?

 

With all the other grass is greener posts, I see all these posts about regret of leaving your boyfriend. I feel like I will regret this, if we met when I was older... I swear we would be married and I wouldn't have these feelings. He's the sweetest and most loving boyfriend there is but I feel like I'm only 23 and there's so many things I want to do. I feel like the most selfish girl in the world, how can I be so ready to leave a 3 year old relationship when it was all going so well? Will I be just a statistic where the girl leaves to where the grass is greener only to find out her boyfriend was the best all along and that he's moved on?

 

Does anyone have advice or stories to tell?

 

Thank you.

[Jagged100]

You're going through what we all do in our 20's, you're evolving and that could explain why you are feeling this way. Only you can decide what is best for you. Your boyfriend may be great and was what you wanted but the new you seems to feel differently. The grass isn't always greener but you also only get one chance to live. If you get the opportunity to travel, take it. Don't let anyone or anything hold you back.

 

I had an ex who when he was around my friends and family didn't make much of an effort and after a while it grated on me. I stopped inviting him because I honestly had more fun without him. I needed someone who wanted to be involved in my life and not just be a bystander.

[todreaminblue]

you are young but your bf sounds like a keeper...if you dont love him let him go before you leave....not wanting to socialize at parties and just being there to be with you is a pretty lovely trait.....he pushes himself out there for you even though he would prefer not to...so he is willing to go outside his comfort zone for you.........

 

sounds like you are an honest young woman who isnt ready to settle down yet...sometimes in relationships its not the grass...its the timing......just be that honest young woman as you have been with him and show him the respect he shows you....maybe you should date others...and allow him the chance to heal and date others also.....just be honest and see how you really feel when the time comes to realize he wont be there when you come back and have that open talk with him....be gentleand be kind...dont put the break up on his ways....own it.....its the right thing to do....i wish you the very best.......deb

[marnus25]

well I'm the guy on the other side at the moment and i broke up with my girlfriend recently over a situation similar to yours...she also met a guy that opened her eyes to things i lacked...not necessarily lacked but things she needed as an individual. We dated 3 years and it al started a year and 5 months in and this guy floated around in her head until the end...she always texted him and had convos with him I kept finding out about it and forgave her and told her i will work on myself to get better. What I'm trying to say is you are growing and you have new desires and unfortunately your bf is qt a phase where he wants to settle down and he has his ways and that lack in your head will keep bothering you...you need to have a nice conversation with him and move on imo because he will just end up getting hurt and feel insecure...the mistake is not yours or his...but to keep hanging on threads like i did only hurts each other and wastes time..you need to grow now in your life atm.

[harrybrown]

the grass is always greener where you water it.

 

If you are going away, let him go. Do it now before you go dreaming about these other guys. You got to see the other guys at their best and it was a rush.

 

But once you get to know them for 3 years, then you could compare your boyfriend to your fantasies.

 

Let him go to find someone that is not comparing him to other men. You would not like it if he went off and flirted with other women. Does not sound like the time is right. So let him go, you may regret it, but be fair to him.

 

You want to experience the other guys, so break it off with him now and realize that you may be closing out on something good, but be fair to him and let him find someone else that adores him and does not compare the rush with reality.

[elaine567]

YOU are 23, it is natural to want to experience new things and you now realise you have outgrown your bf.

YOU realise there is another world out there and you want to be free.

Tell him asap, do not string him along and do not feel obliged to stay with him.

He will want tie you down pretty soon as he is 29 and marriage is the next step.

I guess you do not see a wedding and kids as your near future, so let him go.

 

Yes, you may regret it, but then again you may look back and wonder what on earth you ever saw in him in the first place...

[divegrl]

If you're looking for the perfect, most loving, sweetest person to come and complete your life...... look in the mirror.

 

You're not searching for the perfect guy, you're searching to find yourself.

 

Good luck my friend!!!!