hjrbmm Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Hello, well after reading so many posts over the past week I thought I would write my own experience and ask for help. I am 44 and meet someone who is 27 a year ago to the day, we just clcked right away, everything he did and wanted we were on the same page. But to start he was on and off as he was worried about what people thought of the age difference and his family. We broke up several times until June 2016 till he went away and even broke up while he was away. It was such a roller coaster, when he gave himself it was brilliant and he knew it. When he came back in July we were on and off until August the 13th, when he just said how can I not love you. I moved in. The problems of breaking continued due to his sister living with us who wanted his attention and did everything to hurt me and our relationship. She made me feel worthless, the house was in his name and she said that she was going to move in the new year. A good example is that she had the big room and we had the small room. She was such an awful person, when my friends came over some did not come back due to her they told me. After an hour of meeting her. I mentioned this to him, I said "I dont want to talk about ***** anymore" he said this is deja vu as his ex said the same thing. He went through the same thing but he stood up to her, I didn't as I was older and didn't want to rock the boat. My ex finally saw her for what she was and told me. If she had a boyfriend she would just take off all week, she didn't care about anyone but herself. Like she would go up the road to get a burger and ask my ex but not me when I was sitting with him, that was what she was like, taking over when friends came around. He confronted her in January 2017 an she said she was moving out, she never did, was just a game and then went crying to her mum, who in turn asked the ex to be nice. Everyone knew what she was like, no one confronted her to scared. The reason I am saying about her is she made me feel worthless living there and he said to me before he realised that "if you don't like living here maybe you should move out until she's gone", that broke my heart. She was a devisive and evil person, who would dumped him the moment she found someone. I had his back and supported him. So we broke up a week ago and he said that he is totally done, he said he can't bear the rollercoaster and how he feels depressed, but days before he fills out forms for my new job as next of kin saying how we will always be that. His words and promises he made to me and my mum - she believed in him and did so much for him, she is devastated and angry at him. He said he would always stand beside me, all the words and how much he loved me. I know he loved me so, more than anyone every before, but he did only have one relationship. I have contacted him since the break up via text I have not told him how devasted I am as that is not the way to win someone back. One of his texts last night read the following, I asked him if he wanted to catch up in a couple of weeks, he said: I am a little worried, you say you'll be thinking of me but also I broke your heart....mine is still mending I know yours must be too, a month or two is not a long time. Maybe we go about things different..me I talk with my counsellor weekly because I need to. Of course I get happy when I hear from you but alarm bells ring with you how you say some things and I cant help then....... He then went to say..... I dont know what to say this is not what I wanted to say...... Im sorry for texting that not what I wanted, Im lost with this, why would we meet? I like your company too but it doesnt mean we have cake and eat it too. I am finding it so hard to let go, after 44 years, he was like a mould of me but younger, I know he is like a once in a lifetime guy, I said that to him, he always said we would never be apart. I cry all the time, I am so anxious, I am going back to the gym tomorrow and been on a strict diet to look good again. But all I want is him back, I have read about the no contact rule so it starts again today. The old saying "If you love something set it free, it it comes back it was meant to be", I so hope that is true. Can anyone help with what too do, he is so messed up like me, his family have a huge influence on him as well, they never liked me, for age and other things. I don't know how to handle wanting him back, I written this through so many tears... I wanted him back and want advise on wanting him back Link to post Share on other sites
Author hjrbmm Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 I have known my ex partner for a year and we finally become a couple after months of back and forth breakups in August last year. We lived together, we were so good together, like a hand in a glove, my hand in his, and he always said this to. The words he spoke we had a big fight at the beginning of this year, that was it all over, but 4 days later he tracked me down and we started again. We were waiting for his sister to move out, it would have been so much easier, she wanted us not together, we continued my ex and I at times (mostly weekends) weeks were great to argue and we we go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds saying were over. Finally a week ago he said i promise you this time it is it. I have been devastated as breakups are. i broke the no contact last night and text him, I didnt say I was upset or missed him I knew not too. His response to me asking to been in a couple of weeks was below... I am a little worried, you say you'll be thinking of me but also I broke your heart....mine is still mending I know yours must be too, a month or two is not a long time. Maybe we go about things different..me I talk with my counsellor weekly because I need to. Of course I get happy when I hear from you but alarm bells ring with you how you say some things and I cant help then....... He then went to say..... I dont know what to say this is not what I wanted to say...... Im sorry for texting that not what I wanted, I'm lost with this, why would we meet? I like your company too but it doesn't mean we have cake and eat it too. He came back before, he has set up a new profile on facebook and has blocked my friends, he blocked me but has taken me off that, I think cause he wants to see. I just don't know how to get him back, I am due to text him in two weeks to see if he wants to meet again, he said he probably wont. So I am scared of putting myself out there and getting hurt in two weeks. I dont know what to do about that as I should not contact him to see if he wants me back? I am going back to the gym and eating a great diet, so that is helping me. But my ultimate goal is to get him back. Has anyone advice on what worked for them? I'm so lost without him, he was the sunshine in my day Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 You don't get him back. You are on a dysfunctional merry go round. It's not healthy. You knew him for a year but didn't start dating until August. You have been dating approximately 7 months, which while substantial is not all that long. yet you have had months of back & forth breakups. Very unhealthy. 7 months you should be in the honeymoon period, not breaking up. You said you lived together. Waaayyyyyy too soon. At 7 months you should be thinking about your 1 year anniversary not already playing house. Plus you had some other family drama thrown in with his sister living with you & trying to break you up. She succeeded but she would not have if you two were strong & had a good relationship. Continuing to interact just prolongs the inevitable. It's like you are picking at an open wound. You can't heal until you stop. Go NC. Continue talking to your counselor, going to the gym & eating right. Eventually the pain will subside & you will be in a place where you can find a better relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Has anyone advice on what worked for them? Yes, replace him with a new love of your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 I have known my ex partner for a year and we finally become a couple after months of back and forth breakups in August last year. We lived together, , like a hand in a glove, my hand in his, and he always said this to. The words he spoke we had a big fight at the beginning of this year, that was it all over, but 4 days later he tracked me down and we started again. We were waiting for his sister to move out, it would have been so much easier, she wanted us not together, we continued my ex and I at times (mostly weekends) weeks were great to argue and we we go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds saying were over. Finally a week ago he said i promise you this time it is it. I have been devastated as breakups are. i broke the no contact last night and text him, I didnt say I was upset or missed him I knew not too. His response to me asking to been in a couple of weeks was below... I am a little worried, you say you'll be thinking of me but also I broke your heart....mine is still mending I know yours must be too, a month or two is not a long time. Maybe we go about things different..me I talk with my counsellor weekly because I need to. Of course I get happy when I hear from you but alarm bells ring with you how you say some things and I cant help then....... He then went to say..... I dont know what to say this is not what I wanted to say...... Im sorry for texting that not what I wanted, I'm lost with this, why would we meet? I like your company too but it doesn't mean we have cake and eat it too. He came back before, he has set up a new profile on facebook and has blocked my friends, he blocked me but has taken me off that, I think cause he wants to see. I just don't know how to get him back, I am due to text him in two weeks to see if he wants to meet again, he said he probably wont. So I am scared of putting myself out there and getting hurt in two weeks. I dont know what to do about that as I should not contact him to see if he wants me back? I am going back to the gym and eating a great diet, so that is helping me. But my ultimate goal is to get him back. Has anyone advice on what worked for them? I'm so lost without him, he was the sunshine in my day The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again -- expecting different results. One break up and reconciliation is, perhaps, OK/doable. But, when there are numerous rounds, you're just treating each other like doormats. we were so good together -- That can't be true if you keep breaking up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hjrbmm Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 Very true to that, I suppose it is my heart telling me this stuff, he says he misses me, but I suppose he misses the breakfasts, foot rubs an things I do for him. He misses the attention I suppose. I know I sound so silly posting this, if I thought anything of myself i would think stuff him. But I don't 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hjrbmm Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 Thank you for your words, I am lucky I have a great support network and my friends see how he has treated me and are upset. But I do only wish he would come back. You know the funny thing is I had an ex of two years ago in 2014, he said to me when I had to walk away (he was a narcissist) to never contact him. I thought I couldnt live without him, 4 months later he contacted me to tell his love for me lasted 2 weeks, then 2 months later again lasted two weeks, I so looked at him in a in a different light, I pitied him and still do. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Sorry, but when I got to the part where you're 44 and he's 27, stereotypes took over and I stopped reading. Reason? LOST CAUSE The fact that you're here simply makes me right for reasons too obvious to go over. Link to post Share on other sites
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